I am currently without health insurance, and have been receiving care through Associated Centers for Therapy (ACT) and Family and Children's Services (FCS). Let me tell you, these have been absolute life-savers for me. My doctor at ACT has been the most responsive, caring, and willing doctor I have worked with so far... he has changed and adjusted meds, trying to help find a good combination for me. He listens to what I say - even if he doesn't always agree - and I think really tries to do the best for me personally, not just throw medications my way. Plus my meds cost next to nothing, which is a tremendous blessing. Through FCS I have found a wonderful therapist who is teaching me techniques that I find truly helpful for ME... again, she listens and we try new things when one isn't working. I've had several therapists who seem to rely heavily on deep-breathing exercises for anxiety/panic attacks; for me, these only seem to increase the level of anxiety, yet I kept hearing "Just try the deep breathing," "just work on your deep breathing," "Let's try another deep breathing technique." It's NOT WORKING!!! So I am thankfully relieved that I've found someone who understands or at least accepts this and is working with me to find alternate methods of helping calm myself and refocus my thoughts.

One of my most frustrating problems at this point is that despite my medication - which is working wonderfully; definitely better than anything else I've been on - is that I still suffer from the highs and lows of the bipolar. Less extreme, certainly, but it is so discouraging to recognize and feel that euphoria and attitude that all is well; that I am doing SO good, only to crash a day or two later and find myself back in the doldrums of the depressive part. I feel like it's a cycle that will never end, and that thought alone is discouraging. I have pretty supportive family and friends, so at least they know, understand, and help as they can... but I just want to be stable and 'normal' and not watch my emotions slide up and down like I'm watching a barometer, feeling like the changes are simply beyond my control.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. I'm a writer (really - English major, previous English teacher, working towards publishment), so I can go on and on and on... it's my outlet. A few logistical facts: I am 30, have no children (other than my cat!), divorced my high-school sweetheart within the last year (a difficult adjustment despite the mutual nature of the decision), and currently live with my mom - a result of a move and the divorce.

I'll stop the excessive writing and disclosure now... I'm really hoping to make some friends and find a real source of support and information here!