I was physically abused my my sister between the ages of 11 and 15. Sexually abused by a doctor during that same time period. And my mother turned her back & walked out on us when I was 12........ I was 15 when my mother walked out for good. Meanwhile, my father simply did everything he could to stay at work PERMANANTLY. Even went 200 miles away to work ON PURPOSE.

At 15, we moved to where I didn't know anyone!! The last thing I thought I could count on; was gone. I was being bullied at school (new kid & all) with no one to turn to.

Then, by some miracle; the city having 3 high school's: I ended up attending the north side high school while almost all the kids that I had attended school with at the junior high school attended the south side high school. And it was great being seperated from all the kids who bullied me the previous year.

During that 3 year period, things actually were pretty good. I didn't have parents still, but I did make one particular very good friend whose parents took me under their wings.

The next 2 years also went fairly smooth, as I worked my way through college to earn my associate degree in computer programming.

Then, it was just one thing after another. I had this degree that wasn't worth the paper it was written on, so I couldn't find a job anywhere. Finally, took a job at McDonald's for a few months until another job became available as a data entry clerk. I worked as a data entry clerk for 3 years with no possibilities of so much as getting full time work and ended up leaving the company over it to go somewhere else to work as a data entry clerk.

It was a few months after I started working at this new job when all hell broke lose personally. I started having panic attacks. I was in an abusive relationship. I couldn't even go home for fear my husband at the time would beat me up ???? Finally, one night he decided that he wanted to have sex but I didn't & he forced me to anyway. The next day, I walked out the door & didn't bother coming back.

I then found out I had gotten pregnant the night he forced me to have sex with him. (couldn't have been any other: as I quit having sex w/him due to the violence.) Then, of course; I couldn't file for divorce because I was pregnant until after the baby was born. But I can STILL remember the day the baby was born: I called the court house & said "I want to file for divorce: effective 8 months ago"!!!

We were in divorce court 3 years just because the jerk wanted to play head-games.

By this time, I was so depressed that I barely got out of bed. And it finally came to the point that I knew I wasn't taking good care of the children & really didn't know how to. And placed them with an adoptive family. How hard that time was. I had just lost my job, totaled my car, & now; lost my children. And just about lost my housing due to not taking care of the house.

I was on social security disability for major depression. And all those medications prescribed by doctors, didn't do a thing!!! I have to say at that time, having group counseling sessions & intensive therapy sessions did help a lot. At the very least, due to the therapist talking my landlord into giving me another chance; I didn't lose my housing. And at the time, I needed to be around other people that understood how bad I felt because they had been there, themselves.

I got remarried. But shortly after, got sick with stachbotrys mold poisoning. There wasn't one doctor trying to find out what was going on...... they simply chalked it all up to depression. Depression is also a symptom of mold poisoning. So, I was getting hit from all ends!!! Spent 6 weeks in a rehab center, followed by about 4 months in a nursing home where I was verbally abused. Actually, the nursing home kicked me out. Yeah, it sounds bad; doesn't it??

When I got home, I found out that my husband was busy sleeping with other women. And we got divorced.

It was when I got home that I FINALLY had the chance to walk with the use of a walker. And I started walking from one room to the other in my apartment.

It wasn't very long that I could walk around my apartment w/o the walker. And the entire time: it was Bounce by Bon Jovi that got me motivated!!! I swear, I listened to that song thousands of times during those 24 months or so while I was transitioning from the wheelchair to walker from walker to walking. And it was music that got me to WANT to start walking so that I could start dancing like I've always wanted to.

This is why I will tell anyone that when everybody has given up on you: take that cd or mp3 player out & start letting the music give you HOPE!!! When there isn't anything else to hold on to: HOPE is there & it is found in music & art.

Then, I seemingly finally get back on my feet & then start getting MRSA (staph infections) that I was hospitalized twice and treated by home health care a few times cause I refused to go in the hospital.

However, once I got off the BULK of the prescription meds; the staph infections seemed to almost come to a stop!!! I finally started to awaken to the fact that there isn't any magical pill out there!!! And started detoxing off all those prescription meds.

All those meds: the HARDEST one to detox from has been ZOLOFT!!! Gee, it has taken me 8 months: 2 trips to the emergency room, several trips to the doctor, & seeking help on the internet because the doctors seemingly didn't have a clue why I was having all those detox issues?? In fact, they didn't even know that they were detox issues, even when I asked them??? I found that out on the internet. Plus, I asked my therapist because I was miserable & he confirmed it. (Just like I found out that I had stachbotrys mold poisoning through an internet website.)

Now?? Since I've gotten off all but 1 of the prescription meds...... everything tastes different, smells different, & looks different. Plus, I've lost weight because I'm not hungry 110% of the time anymore. That definately helps!!!

I am working on losing weight so that I can get off the last of the prescription meds & so that I can do those things that I never had the opportunity to do in the past. Dance, sing, jump out of an airplane, anything & everything that I haven't tried before!!!

Though, I still have some anxiety & anger issues: compared to just 3 years ago: I'm 120% better!!! Yes, I am trying to look forward but I do also like to look back & see that: hey, things suck but look at all I've already gone through. This is a piece of cake compared to that!!!

And yes, I'm definately not where I want to be but I'm not where I was; either!!! And that's a good thing. As I start my life over at college to become an Interior Designer!!!