i don't know why but lately i've gotten to be so guarded emotionally and its starting to create issues with the people around me. i'm 21 years old and this is my last year of college and i live with 2 roommates. i've had roommates in the past that were my friends but this year i got together with 2 girls that needed a place too and i can't help but alienate and distance myself from them. i've gotten close to friends & roommates in the past and through experience i've learned that people can hurt you which is why i think i'm so guarded now. with my new roommates i dont really want anything to do with them unless it has to do with the living arrangement. i see them more as the people i share a place with...not as friends. i feel bad i can be so distant but its just because i really don't see a relationship with them after. i purposely distance myself but sometimes i think they might think its me just being rude.
just yesterday i came home and noticed they were watching 1 of my dvds. i asked them if it was and they said yah they saw it and thought i wouldn't care. when they went to their room i took all my dvds from the living room and put them in my room. the next day i think my roommate was being passive aggressive with me because she was somewhat offended by that. i don't know why i can alienate people sometimes but i just do. i don't want to be close to my roommates yet sometimes i get down when i think about what they think of me. whats going on with me? sometimes i wonder if i'm depressed or have something going on. i feel guilty and bad when i reflect on how i can act towards them yet not being close is what i want. i justify my behaviors by saying after a year i'll never have to see them again yet i know its wrong at the same time. whats going on with me? i feel like such a bad person knowing that i can be mean. i feel like a fraut. anyone else ever get like this?
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