Cirrhosis Support Group

Hi everyone,

My husband was diagnosed with Alcoholic Cirrhosis 6 months ago. He is 44 years old. At that time he was really sick, really bad ascites, his bili was 3.2, Albumin 3.3 and INR 1.8, not to mention the sever anemia. At the time we were pretty sure all of this was due to heavy drinking many years ago (before we met) and recent tylenol toxicity. He took sudafed PE for almost a year max doses daily. Come to find out Sudafed as acetaminophen in it even though its not listed on the label. The doctors did a CT scan to confirm and he only has about 20% liver function.

Well, we got a good doctor and things were looking up. We met with a nutritionist to get a meal plan to help with the ascites and help build up muscle mass again because he had just wasted away. He was following the program. DH is very much a NON doctor kind of guy so I was proud of him. In the midst of all of this he was starting up a new company and my sister came to live with us. Needless to say A LOT of stress. But he was doing good, the diet along with diruetics really improved the ascites, he started to have more energy and because of the physical work required with the business started to put a little bit of muscle back on.

Now things are different. He is not being good about his diet, has put off joining the alcohol abuse group required to get admitted to UCSF transplant program, and it looks like he is secretly drinking. I just don't know what to do, I'm sick about it.

He was never a closet drinker before but now I'm finding empty vodka bottles in the recycle bin ( he blames it on neighbor kids), empty bottles in the car (blames that on our grown children who have borrowed the car a few times), and empty bottles in his office closet (he claims there are very old). I actually believed all of it. But my son called me this morning to tell me he found an empty bottle in my husbands work truck under the seat. (They are business partners). Now it is all starting to add up. The sweet smell coming off of him that I ignored because I "knew" he wasn't drinking and all of the empty bottles.

I'm just sick about all of it. He only has 20% liver function! The doctors had said if he didn't drink and followed the diet etc., we could potentially have 10 years before having to think about a transplant. UCSF won't even consider him if he hasn't been clean for 3 to 6 months and enrolled in a program. Now I know why he has been putting off scheduling his next appointment and getting his bloodwork done.

How do I approach all of this with him? He has got to be one of the most stubborn people on the planet and is definitely the type if pushed will just continue worse just out of spite. I don't want to be a widow at all let alone in my 40's. I want to grow old with him not bury him prematurely! I grew up with an alcoholic father and never thought I would be married to a man with similar problems.

Sorry for the long post. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm a very strong person but this stress is really hard for me to cope with....

Nancy

I'm so sorry. That's an awful situation... imagine an addiction so strong that you can ignore your mortality to keep using. He has to love and respect himself enough to stop. You should give him your support, but take care of yourself too. I hope things turn out okay.

Hi Nancy, and sorry to hear your hubby appears to be backsliding on his health.

I'll bet he feels it was the Sudafed/acetaminophen that caused his troubles and if he simply avoids this he may be OK drinking again. NOT TRUE, but drinkers have a way of rationalizing their way into old habits.

I used to believe supplements might allow me to keep drinking without further damaging my liver, but I was proven wrong too.

A lot of drinkers relapse when they have "too much on their plate" regarding responsibilities. I used alcohol this way (to avoid responsibility) for many years, and dealing with them now is the hardest part of staying sober for me.

Don't really know what you can do about this... He probably thinks he can just carry on until his liver gets worse, then quit drinking and get a transplant. Although this may be remotely possible, perhaps he doesn't realize just how sick he will have to get before this possibility can happen.

His career will implode during this time, and the years of waiting will be absolutely miserable ones. Your best bet at helping him realize this is a path he does not want to go down is to try to get him involved in a forum like this one so he can see just what people with advanced disease go through.

He's in denial now, and a daily reminder of what is coming down the road for him might get him thinking about whether or not he really wants to experience a dreadful decline into liver failure.

For you, I'm afraid the serenity prayer is the only advise I can offer...

Accept what you can not change, change what you can, and know the difference.

He's going to need a friend where he's headed... Stand by him if you love him, and prepare for what lies ahead (for both you and him) as best you can.

When one's life take a turn for the worse, you can either look around and see people luckier than you, and wish you were them, or look around and see others who are in worse shape than you, and be grateful for what you have, or perhaps had.

I watch the PBS news hour, and they often show the pictures of the young men and women killed in the war at the end of the broadcast. Every time I see this, I think to myself "My God, how can these kids die so young".

Life goes on for some. Perhaps not for others, but I'm grateful for the life I've had, and hopeful for the future. It's the best we can do at this point in our lives.

Good Luck & GodSpeed to you both.

Hey Nancy!

Welcome to the group! You can come to ask questions, vent or try to help others out. All of these activities, and others, are welcome here! I'm sorry to hear about your husband's problems with alcohol and with cirrhosis! It's actually a federal rule (UNOS) that people with a history of substance abuse have a minimum of 6 months of documented sobriety before they can be placed on a waiting list for a solid organ transplant.

Only the substance abuser can control their own actions. Nobody is forcing them to abuse. Their biggest problem is that they can't see, even if it is right in front of them, that they have a serious problem that requires their immediate attention. Only an abuser can say "Enough is enough!". Once they honestly reach this decision, all kinds of help and assistance is available to help them recover from the abuse. Some, like me, even stay sober long term and get a transplant. I've seen and heard way too much about those individuals, and their families, who were not so fortunate, did not make the decision to stop soon enough and are no longer with us.

So, what can you do about his problems? Nothing, directly. You CAN have an open and honest discussion with him to tell him how you feel, what WILL happen to his health and you WILL be there to help him IF he decides to help himself. You CAN take care of yourself. You CAN do everything you can to have your own life. You CAN take a stance and not allow his actions to affect your day to day life. Remember, he owns the problems, not you! Give him "tough love": support him thru health issues and all the things you normally do to support him but don't EVER do anything to support his drinking. Don't worry about upsetting him by pushing back on his drinking, emptying his stash(es) or being suspicious. Those are his problems!

Keep coming back. We're here to help!

everyone has offered you great advice. The one thing I fully believe is you have to take care of you too. Be there for him but you can't change him. Perhaps letting him know you know he is drinking again and giving him someone to talk to if he needs it. Sending positive energy to you for strength.

That's a good idea just let him read your post here and let him get started on this site. Us guys feel better when we know we're not alone. This is a tough thing to face and requires a different kind of strength to get through it. I call this decease a thief because it steals your physical strength and you energy, and if you don't find another kind of strength, which I have found only in the Lord Jesus, it will take more. This thing is one heck of a challenge, but life is worth holding onto and the Lord didn't give us this gift of life for us to give it up without a fight.

Peace and Joy to All

Paul