Hello, I'm new here this is my first post so let me give a little history. Sorry if it seems like rambling... It probably is.
My dad has been a heavy drinker for at least 20 years. He has been to several rehabs but eventual went back to drinking. We have tired everything from understanding and sympathy to tough love. We have expressed our anger, our fears, our hopes, etc but we all knew it was up to him. He has been diabetic for about 15 years so needless to say, the drinking hasn't help that. He always used to joke that he would die drinking. Although never diagnosed with depression, I believe he is severally depressed and drinks to self medicate.
He was diagnosed in March 2010 with cirrhosis, hep c, and liver cancer. Within 6 months he had completely stopped drinking. Not because he wanted to but because it made him so physically ill. He was seeing specialists who treated the cancer and started the pretest for a transplant. They said he had 20% of his liver working. But then he decided he doesn't want a transplant and stopped seeing those Doctors. Since then his kidneys have started to fail as well. Now they say he has 7% liver function. They were draining his stomache two times a week then decided to do the TIPS procedure. Their first attempt at TIPS was not successful and an over night stay in the hospital became a week stay because the ink had such a negative impact on his kidneys. After a month, they tried the TIPS again and said it was successful. He starting retaining fluid throughout his entire body rather then just his stomach. They said it was do to his protein levels so have giving him protein, they discharged him. That was last week.
Throughout the week, he has taken a turn for the worse. He was admitted again last night. His ammonia level was 122. He was delusional and very combative. Today he is not combative but is still very confused, is not even able to hold a cup, cries alot and complains of a lot of pain.
The doctors said it will take a couple days to get his ammonia levels back down and they said when he is coherent they are going to talk to him about a transplant.
He has made it very clear to us that he does not want a transplant. He says he just wants them to keep him comfortable and nothing else. He says he is tired and doesnt want to be a pin cushion anymore. He has extreme anxiety whenever needles are involved or even if he thinks they are going to be involved.
I have so many emotions regarding the entire situation. Anger, fear, frustration, disappointment, etc. He has always been so strong and a fighter and I dont understand why he isnt fighting or why he doesnt want to live.
I keep telling myself that this is about him and not about me but its hard. I keep telling myself to prepare for the worse because I know it will come soone rather then later if he doesnt get a transplant. Sometimes I have myself convinced that I am as prepared as Im going to be but then I see him and my heart breaks into a million pieces and I know you cnat prepare for that and Im not ready for him to stop fighting.
Well as Im writting this my sister called and said he has started throughing up blood and she thinks I better come back to the hospital.
I guess I really didnt have any questions, just needed to vent.
Thanks for listening.
