coping...whining....advice???

I am curious about how allof you cope on a daily basis. I have several different dx's and it seems as if it isn't one ailment acting up its another. Sometimes I feel very defeated. I get overwhelmed easily and just seem to paralyze..even just to do the easy stuff around the house, dishes or laundry, even just general picking up...I see it, and know it needs to be done, but I just hurt and am so tired all the time.

I also wonder how any of your significant others deal with this. I feel that mine is very much worn down/worn out from me being sick all the time. If it isn't my back or my fibro, in the hospital with vomiting from my stomach and eventually going into withdrawls, then its my cancer, its treatment or just the fact of not being able to have sex right now. I don't think I have been touched in MONTHS. OK, a peck when he leaves or comes home, thats about it. He does do most all of the major housework and gets paid thru IHSS now. He helps me as he can, but emotionally its very hard on him, and in turn, me.

Typically, I am a very positive person. I try not to let my health dictate my life. I know I am a strong person and I WILL make it thru all of this, but sometimes its hard to keep up that positivity.

How do you all do it every day?

Thanks in advance for your replies,

Lori 40 in California

1990-1997 HPV, LEEP, 5FU

June 1997 Hysterectomy~Endometrial and Cervical Cancer

Dec 1998 Lumbar surgery

Aug 2001 Lumbar surgery

Feb 2008 Vulvar lesions excised,Vaginal biopsies performed.

March 2008 VIN3

April 2008 5FU

May your Joy be Pure Joy,

and all your Pain, Champagne...

I don't always cope well. It seems like for a few days-I can hold my head up, put on a fake smile, and go on with the day. Then there are days that I just have a total melt-down, and can't even move.

What helps me the most, I would say, is taking hot baths. Maybe you've already heard this, I don't know. But anyway, I take 3 to 5 baths a day. Sitting in the hot water seems to help, at least for a short time anyway. And what's even better is when I pour Epsom Salts in the water, light a candle, and listen to a soothing CD.

I hope you can find some way to cope sweetie. It's no fun dealing with all this.

Oh, as far as my spouse. He's wonderful. I DO have to remind him to slow down, make him take time for himself, and see to it that he gets his needed rest. But otherwise, he's good.

Take care of yourself.

My friend said the other day, that she could only imagine how much my water bill was. I told her and her's is like $10 cheaper a month. Mine is worth the extra!

I do hope that you find some way to have even a little relief. Feel free to send me a PM any time if you need to. I'm here for ya.

Amy

I just wanted to tell you how lucky you both are to have such loving and caring husbands. I do know that there is a lot of people that don't have that kind of support. So treat your husbands today to something special (if you are able today) Make a candle lite dinner in bed for him or something. You all know what your husbands like , just spice it up a little to show you care and appreciate the little things they do. Perhaps this will in turn make you feel good as well. Don't give up and I wish you all pain free dayzzzzz to come

Lisa

Water police! That was a good one!

LOL..you think I'm kidding I live in an area of California where we have water restrictions, NO outside water between 9am-5pm...etc...we were hoping they'd lift them, but no such luck. SO...I try to not waste much. It'd be great if I could use the old bathwater to water my garden!!

Lori 40 in California

1990-1997 HPV, LEEP, 5FU

June 1997 Hysterectomy~Endometrial and Cervical Cancer

Dec 1998 Lumbar surgery

Aug 2001 Lumbar surgery

Feb 2008 Vulvar lesions excised,Vaginal biopsies performed.

March 2008 VIN3

April 2008 5FU

May your Joy be Pure Joy,

and all your Pain, Champagne...

I just try to stay positive and try some reading and relaxation, spending time with my family and such.

I do try to stay positive....put on "the face" whenever anyone is around...but even that can be tiresome!! The reading is a true escape for me though. That's one that, as long as I can make the old eyeballs work, does the trick...takes me away to another world

Lori in California

My husband has chronic pain (he broke six vertebrae: two in his neck, four in his back. he has degenerative arthritis in his low back and high blood pressure due to the stress of dealing with the constant pain. also sustained a head injury that required brain surgery and subsequently suffers from short-term memory loss.) Like your husband, I work full-time, and I do most of the housework. I cope with most of the "administrative" tasks of running the household, too (READ: pay bills, keep track of appointments, help with homework, etc.) We have a 7-week old infant and a nine-year old son. I'll be honest with you; it is exhausting.

My husband is the first to admit that his housecleaning skills are pretty much non-existent (and by that I mean that he didn't have any skills BEFORE the pain). He does try to do at least a few things, though, and those few things help, even if he can only do them sporadically. I keep a positive attitude most of the time. I will admit, though, that there are times when I get overly-tired and frustrated, and I lash out at him, especially if something that he's taken on as being part of "his job" doesn't get done for several days in a row. I get to thinking that he's just being lazy or that he doesn't appreciate everything that I'm doing. After I've stomped around a bit and had my little hissy-fit, I feel like a real ass for even thinking that way. I know that my husband is neither lazy nor unappreciative. He just hurts. The pain wears him out; it wears him down.

We both have good libidos, but neither of us is getting anywhere near the amount of sex we'd like to be getting, either because he's in too much pain or I'm too tired (or the baby is hungry or my son had a nightmare and can't sleep or... you get the point). We make an effort to show affection in other ways: I rub his back; he strokes my hair. I treat him and the kids to lunch; he picks up the latest book in the series I've become addicted to. I take the kids out on a Saturday afternoon so he can rest; he gives me an hour to myself to read. These things are precious. They're good for the soul. When we actually do get to have sex, it's like icing on the cake.

Emotionally, things get pretty sticky, don't they? We, the SOs, know that we can never take the pain away, and at some point we accept this, but deep down that's still what every single one of us *wants* to do. We want you to have just one really good day with minimal pain so that you can do all the things you want to do without paying for it for several days afterwards. And then we want you to have another -- not because we're tired, but because we love you, and we hate to see you hurting. My husband knows how much it hurts me to see him hurting, so he tries to keep it to himself or act like he's in less pain than he actually is. I know better of course, and I feel shut out. It's a hell of a spiral. It's one of the reasons I'm here. The pain will always be there, but so will I.

I find myself angry when for instance my husband hurt his neck(mine had been bothering me but I said nothing of course)anyways he was a big baby and of course I babied him he was on a few pain meds and went loopy

so selfishly I was thinking I take a cocktail of meds and am suppose to function seeing after the kids house and supper he takes a pain killer and is out for a week.

but evilie I was thinking good I hope it hurts now you know a fraction of what I go through,and I'm jelouse cause his was just a muscel something fixable.

how twisted I have become mad he wont help when I wont let him angry he's not suffering like me "carma" is going to be my down fall. do any of you ever feel that way?