Chronic Pain Support Group

This is my first time on a board like this, but Im desperate and hoping someone else may have experienced something similar or have some sound advice. Im 30 years old but have a chronic back issue originally stemming from a car accident when I was 19. My back had 3 herniations with one disc (L5) torn. I have tried almost everything to help manage the pain and loss of range of motion and stiffnesshysical therapy, chiropractic ,massage, accupuncture, accupressure,elecrtic stem therapy, inversion tables, yoga and even cranial sacral therapy. Over the years, some weeks/months my pain was manageable with various combonations of the abovementioned methods and some weeks/months were not.

Ive been married for 8 years and in the past 3 years I have given birth to our two children both via c-section. The surgeries and pregnancies were very difficult on my back and I have been back on my meds for almost a year now.A fter lots of new tests and over 12 nerve blocks and epidural steriod injections he surgery scheduled for this past thursday.However, I had to cancel it beacuse I realized the day before that my husband had stolen my meds, again. But this time it was before entering the operation room and I paniced at the thought that I would be in severe pain after surgery and he would leave me high and dry at my most vunrable time.

This was not the first time and probably wont be the last. He has stolen my medication so many times Ive lost count. I locked it up at my office for awhile, just keeping out 2-3 days worth at a time, so he woulkd take 3 or 4 pills. If he caught me after I picked up a 30day suppy he would take 40 -50 (of 120 20 mg oxycodone and 60mg morphine long release. Then there have been times he so many at once that I wasnt able to ration out my remaining supply and have ended up in the hospital on two occasions with severe withdrawl. Of course when I told them someone stole my meds I was treated like a drug seeking crack head.

No matter how many pills he would take, I would carefully calculate how many meds I had left and ration by 1/2 or 1/4 pills some days to stretch it as much as possible. I feared asking for early refills as I knew thatr would not help my case. As a result I have usually spent 1-2 weeks of every month for the past year teetering on the edge of withdrawl and then trying to take enough too ward off the symptoms. Butnever having enough for a theraputic dose for the pain.

Since the hospitalizations, my pain management doctors have been treating me different, making me take UA screens every visit and putting " no early refills" on every bottle. I understand why they are doing it, but It feels terrible. If I tell them the truth, they will assume I cant be responsible for my own meds and stop my treatment. I ve threatened him over and over. Ive kicked him out of the house multiple times, demanded he gets treatment etc, etc.. He always finds a way back in beause of the kids. He knows I have physical limitations with my back and have a hard time alone with two toddlers. But each time he has come around I feel so paranoid and betrayed. How can a person who is supposed to love and protect you take advantage of you in your most vunrable spot? Sorry to ramble, Im just not sure who or where to turn.

Good luck.

Colleen

Its one of the things that angers me the most,that someone can be so selfish to compromise thier partners health and relationships with doctors at a time of vunrability. Im not one to play victim, which is probbaly one of the reasons why Ive kept it a secrect for so long. It looks like I wont be able to get my surgey at this time until I find some stability, but its been so much better just having him out of the house. Of course he has been trying to get back everyday and saying extreme things like he is suicidal if I wont let him around the kids. Im trying my best to ignore the words and just focus on his actions, only tme will tell I guess.

I will be praying for you and your family!!

Cindy

This is so typical of a minipulator. Take your meds as if they are his. The whole what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine. Then when he is put out the whole drama of what he will do to himself. It is time for Tough Love. What he does is his choice. To control you he will say whatever it takes to get the result he wants. In times of stress and emotional turmoil we want those around us to be supportive not abusive. Theft of your pain meds is abuse. To get high he is willing to torcher you. NOT RIGHT. Love yourself enough to say enough. This type of behaviour makes me so mad. Take care of you. There are time when you must come first not for yourself but for your children.

kjv1956

I usually hang out at the Ehlers Danlos (EDS) site, but felt I needed to respond to your post. Ehlers Danlos causes chronic pain for a number of reasons, including chronically overly loose joints. In my case, I have chronic pain related to spondylolisthesis and scoliosis, which are associated with EDS, and have needed 2 fusions to deal with the aftermath of those disorders. Both my daughters also suffer from chronic pain. My 19 yr. old has some degeneration in half of her thoracic discs, probably due to the chronic hypermobility seen in EDS. She is on high doses of long-acting morphine, oxycodone and ativan. My youger daughter has severe rib cage pain, again most likely related to the rib joint subluxing (partially dislocating). My 19 yr. old also periodically subluxes or dislocates her hips, knees and wrists. I had previously practiced as a family physician before I developed many cardiac problems related to EDS. I also had a history of Alcohol dependency, and was familiar with what I needed to do to keep my recovery on track. When my daughter needed to be seen 50 times in the ER for uncontrolled pain over a 9 month period, it was up to me to take her in to the ER to get pain meds, etc. She felt as though she had a great big A in the middle of her forehead for Addict. However, she was not the addict, I was. It took us a couple of years to come to terms with her need to have narcotics in the house. and my need to have a house which was narcotic-free. I, too, at times took some of her meds, when what I had been given ran out early because I over-used them early in the month. At this point, I do take Suboxone, which initially helps with withdrawal, but also helps with pain if used in higher doses. I make sure I attend my support groups and look to my higher power to guide me through treacherous waters. My 17 yr. old has also needed to start treatment, as her biochemistry is more like her mother's than her sister, who can take chronic narcotics without looking for the high, and is just looking for pain relief.

Your husband needs help. Without it, this situation will just get more and more bleak. I don't believe he is out to purposefully torture you, and he fully means it if he says "Honey, I'll never take your meds again". However, the drugs turn the person you love into a selfish, manipulative, lying, stealing cheat.Unless he feels the pain of his behavior, he will continue to take your meds, and you will be stuck going through intermittent withdrawal whe your meds are decreased to a level where your body senses it does not have enough. As though chronic pain isn't bad enough, to add that to the picture is downright tragic. But you can't control his behavior, nor can you trust him until you see some real changes in him. Not just talk. Doesn't count for anything. I mean" Honey Ive set up an appointment to get an assessment for my drug problem and I followed thorough with it." I mean "Honey, I know I need some ongoing help with this , so I'll be tied up Wed and Fri nights going to my groups". Unfortunately, with your ongoing medical issues and young kids to care for, it is hard to get those needs taken care of without him. However, right now it sounds like you have 3 kids to take care of- 2 little ones and a thirty year old. It's also helpful to keep in mind that what he is doing are felony- level offenses, and he could go to jail for a long time if he gets caught in a traffic stop and they find pills on him for which he doesn't have a prescription. Who will take care of the kids then? He could also be selling them, since oxy goes for a buck a milligram or twenty bucks for a 20 mg pill. I he gets caught in any of that, the sentence will go up quite a few years.

Hang in there. Things can and will change. Get good support for yourself, since this is tough stuff to deal with.Know that there are people here to care for and love you.You and your kids deserve better than what you're getting, but your husband will only follow through on his end if you set out consequences for his behavior and then stick to your guns, which is hard

Take care and may God keep you safe.

But, explain to your pharmacist your problem and I am certain he/she would waive the dispensing fee they normally do for the meds if you need to do it more than once monthly. They want to ensure their patients are properly medicated and that the meds are going ot the right place.

Good luck!

He wont find out so don't worry......you can even mix them with Tylenol,throw in garbage original Oxcodone bottle from pharmacy......

I would not tell you to call police because he is your husband but he become addict.

Tell him your doctor won't give you any more and hon this is true,here in Canada was on TV they will take those pills from market because of people using for drug so you are saying truth to him ok.....you have to lie to him it will help you and him in same time

Many hugs from Canada