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04/15/2012 11:42 PM

help,my husband keeps stealing my pain meds

Posts: 5


This is my first time on a board like this, but Im desperate and hoping someone else may have experienced something similar or have some sound advice. Im 30 years old but have a chronic back issue originally stemming from a car accident when I was 19. My back had 3 herniations with one disc (L5) torn. I have tried almost everything to help manage the pain and loss of range of motion and stiffnessTonguehysical therapy, chiropractic ,massage, accupuncture, accupressure,elecrtic stem therapy, inversion tables, yoga and even cranial sacral therapy. Over the years, some weeks/months my pain was manageable with various combonations of the abovementioned methods and some weeks/months were not.

Ive been married for 8 years and in the past 3 years I have given birth to our two children both via c-section. The surgeries and pregnancies were very difficult on my back and I have been back on my meds for almost a year now.A fter lots of new tests and over 12 nerve blocks and epidural steriod injections he surgery scheduled for this past thursday.However, I had to cancel it beacuse I realized the day before that my husband had stolen my meds, again. But this time it was before entering the operation room and I paniced at the thought that I would be in severe pain after surgery and he would leave me high and dry at my most vunrable time.

This was not the first time and probably wont be the last. He has stolen my medication so many times Ive lost count. I locked it up at my office for awhile, just keeping out 2-3 days worth at a time, so he woulkd take 3 or 4 pills. If he caught me after I picked up a 30day suppy he would take 40 -50 (of 120 20 mg oxycodone and 60mg morphine long release. Then there have been times he so many at once that I wasnt able to ration out my remaining supply and have ended up in the hospital on two occasions with severe withdrawl. Of course when I told them someone stole my meds I was treated like a drug seeking crack head.

No matter how many pills he would take, I would carefully calculate how many meds I had left and ration by 1/2 or 1/4 pills some days to stretch it as much as possible. I feared asking for early refills as I knew thatr would not help my case. As a result I have usually spent 1-2 weeks of every month for the past year teetering on the edge of withdrawl and then trying to take enough too ward off the symptoms. Butnever having enough for a theraputic dose for the pain.

Since the hospitalizations, my pain management doctors have been treating me different, making me take UA screens every visit and putting " no early refills" on every bottle. I understand why they are doing it, but It feels terrible. If I tell them the truth, they will assume I cant be responsible for my own meds and stop my treatment. I ve threatened him over and over. Ive kicked him out of the house multiple times, demanded he gets treatment etc, etc.. He always finds a way back in beause of the kids. He knows I have physical limitations with my back and have a hard time alone with two toddlers. But each time he has come around I feel so paranoid and betrayed. How can a person who is supposed to love and protect you take advantage of you in your most vunrable spot? Sorry to ramble, Im just not sure who or where to turn.


04/16/2012 06:14 AM
Posts: 2152
VIP Member

I'm sorry to hear about this mess you are in. I think you need to sit with your doctor, tell him/her everything and see if they have any suggestions for you. You may also want to call the police department and see of they have any suggestions. Don't let him use your kids against you; the situation is not good for anybody.

Good luck.


04/16/2012 10:20 AM
Posts: 13087
Group Leader

Brooklyn- This is outrageous for You to be in this situation, yet You have to take measures to ensure that not only are your meds totally safe yet so are your emotions plus physical needs are totally met as this is what you truly deserve! Agree with Coleen too. Would encourage you to check out the posts over on Self Esteem+ Positive Thinking SG as feel they will help you(am gl there along with Doris, Karen,April and Sophie).We here are all here for you so lean on us okay! warm wishes Clarita

04/18/2012 10:40 PM
Posts: 5

Thank you both for your kind words. I will check out those boards. Coleen, I would love to tell my docs, but I know the threat of liablilty of losing thier license seems to overpower any humanity. I tried to tell my Neurosurgon after I was hospitalized in Aug and they were so harsh to me and ultimatly did not believe me. I wont even get into how the ER staff treated me, adding insult to injury. I was told they hear stories like mine on a daily basis, which Im sure they do.

Its one of the things that angers me the most,that someone can be so selfish to compromise thier partners health and relationships with doctors at a time of vunrability. Im not one to play victim, which is probbaly one of the reasons why Ive kept it a secrect for so long. It looks like I wont be able to get my surgey at this time until I find some stability, but its been so much better just having him out of the house. Of course he has been trying to get back everyday and saying extreme things like he is suicidal if I wont let him around the kids. Im trying my best to ignore the words and just focus on his actions, only tme will tell I guess.

04/18/2012 10:55 PM
Posts: 540

Brooklyn this is out and out terrible what your husband is doing. You must for your sake and your children TELL your doctor now. That is not right for you to be in pain and him getting high on your medicine. I know it will be hard to report your husband but you must!! Even for his sake because he is odviously out of control and addicted to drugs. He needs to get help and you need your pain medicine to get through with your pain.

I will be praying for you and your family!!


04/19/2012 06:51 PM
Posts: 937


This is so typical of a minipulator. Take your meds as if they are his. The whole what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine. Then when he is put out the whole drama of what he will do to himself. It is time for Tough Love. What he does is his choice. To control you he will say whatever it takes to get the result he wants. In times of stress and emotional turmoil we want those around us to be supportive not abusive. Theft of your pain meds is abuse. To get high he is willing to torcher you. NOT RIGHT. Love yourself enough to say enough. This type of behaviour makes me so mad. Take care of you. There are time when you must come first not for yourself but for your children.


04/22/2012 02:18 PM
Posts: 14
New Member

Hi Brooklyn,

I usually hang out at the Ehlers Danlos (EDS) site, but felt I needed to respond to your post. Ehlers Danlos causes chronic pain for a number of reasons, including chronically overly loose joints. In my case, I have chronic pain related to spondylolisthesis and scoliosis, which are associated with EDS, and have needed 2 fusions to deal with the aftermath of those disorders. Both my daughters also suffer from chronic pain. My 19 yr. old has some degeneration in half of her thoracic discs, probably due to the chronic hypermobility seen in EDS. She is on high doses of long-acting morphine, oxycodone and ativan. My youger daughter has severe rib cage pain, again most likely related to the rib joint subluxing (partially dislocating). My 19 yr. old also periodically subluxes or dislocates her hips, knees and wrists. I had previously practiced as a family physician before I developed many cardiac problems related to EDS. I also had a history of Alcohol dependency, and was familiar with what I needed to do to keep my recovery on track. When my daughter needed to be seen 50 times in the ER for uncontrolled pain over a 9 month period, it was up to me to take her in to the ER to get pain meds, etc. She felt as though she had a great big A in the middle of her forehead for Addict. However, she was not the addict, I was. It took us a couple of years to come to terms with her need to have narcotics in the house. and my need to have a house which was narcotic-free. I, too, at times took some of her meds, when what I had been given ran out early because I over-used them early in the month. At this point, I do take Suboxone, which initially helps with withdrawal, but also helps with pain if used in higher doses. I make sure I attend my support groups and look to my higher power to guide me through treacherous waters. My 17 yr. old has also needed to start treatment, as her biochemistry is more like her mother's than her sister, who can take chronic narcotics without looking for the high, and is just looking for pain relief.

Your husband needs help. Without it, this situation will just get more and more bleak. I don't believe he is out to purposefully torture you, and he fully means it if he says "Honey, I'll never take your meds again". However, the drugs turn the person you love into a selfish, manipulative, lying, stealing cheat.Unless he feels the pain of his behavior, he will continue to take your meds, and you will be stuck going through intermittent withdrawal whe your meds are decreased to a level where your body senses it does not have enough. As though chronic pain isn't bad enough, to add that to the picture is downright tragic. But you can't control his behavior, nor can you trust him until you see some real changes in him. Not just talk. Doesn't count for anything. I mean" Honey Ive set up an appointment to get an assessment for my drug problem and I followed thorough with it." I mean "Honey, I know I need some ongoing help with this , so I'll be tied up Wed and Fri nights going to my groups". Unfortunately, with your ongoing medical issues and young kids to care for, it is hard to get those needs taken care of without him. However, right now it sounds like you have 3 kids to take care of- 2 little ones and a thirty year old. It's also helpful to keep in mind that what he is doing are felony- level offenses, and he could go to jail for a long time if he gets caught in a traffic stop and they find pills on him for which he doesn't have a prescription. Who will take care of the kids then? He could also be selling them, since oxy goes for a buck a milligram or twenty bucks for a 20 mg pill. I he gets caught in any of that, the sentence will go up quite a few years.

Hang in there. Things can and will change. Get good support for yourself, since this is tough stuff to deal with.Know that there are people here to care for and love you.You and your kids deserve better than what you're getting, but your husband will only follow through on his end if you set out consequences for his behavior and then stick to your guns, which is hard

Take care and may God keep you safe.

04/29/2012 01:10 PM
sunnybunnPosts: 175

Can you purchase a small safe to put your meds in and keep the keys on a string around your neck?

04/29/2012 05:43 PM
Posts: 18
New Member

My suggestion is to ask your pharmacist if he can just release a week at a time to you -- or -- if you think even that is too much, if you can ask for a three-day supply which is 'wrapped' for you. I don't know how to explain this wrapping, i don't know the exact word but usually they do it for elderly people with multiple meds and they kind of put them into little compartments that you poke out. (Sorry, does this make sense at all?!?)

But, explain to your pharmacist your problem and I am certain he/she would waive the dispensing fee they normally do for the meds if you need to do it more than once monthly. They want to ensure their patients are properly medicated and that the meds are going ot the right place.

Good luck!

04/29/2012 10:04 PM
Posts: 2417
Senior Member

My advice will be hide your medications at your firs neighbour house and every time you have pain go and take one.He is addicted on Oxicodone but you can hide from him so don't worry so much there is resolution I just told you about,this is what I would do if I am in your place and next thing to do is mix them with menthol candy and put them in your purse but not all just 2-3 because when you are working you need one you have it,so go in store and buy small original package of some candy but plastic package and mix ok?

He wont find out so don't can even mix them with Tylenol,throw in garbage original Oxcodone bottle from pharmacy......

I would not tell you to call police because he is your husband but he become addict.

Tell him your doctor won't give you any more and hon this is true,here in Canada was on TV they will take those pills from market because of people using for drug so you are saying truth to him have to lie to him it will help you and him in same time

Many hugs from Canada


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