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NJHope Posts: 7
Member
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Hello! I deal with a herniated disc L5, S1, also. I have severe nerve damage in my left leg. I also was told, recently, I have arthritis. I am in my earl 40's and I hate it. My Mom had several things that I have been diagnosed with. She passed away at the age of 66 from who knows. She had Fibromylaysia(sp??), Rheumatoid Arthritis, MVP, Panic Disorder, etc. I am reminded by my Aunt (Kindly) and my Husband. I am not my Mom. I was struck by a car and that is where my Chronic pain from the herniated disc that is hitting the nerve that is now severely damage and I have more strength in my upper body than in my leg. I now have arthritis (Haven't said Rheumatoid as of yet) dealing with Panic Disorders since I was in elementary school, and I hate it. I really hate it. I just got a new car for more freedom! But, with mornings, like today, I couldn't move. My joints were killing me. I had my Ex husband run out to get me more pain meds (That I try NOT to take, but the Docs yell at me if I take too much or not enough.) I think it is Arthritis, as it was very cold this morning, and I hate that I can't get out of bed to walk to the bathroom. I feel like I am 88 years old. I need people to help me out of bed and to the bathroom. But I refuse it as I somehow get myself out, in severe pain, and crying, but I can do things on my own. I am only in my early 40's and I want to be able to do what friends of mine from school, who can run, walk, have more children, in shape, etc..... I hate it. I want to do all of that. I will try my best to push myself, but with the Docs saying I will be like this the rest of my life. I want to prove them wrong. My Mom never really got along until right before she died. Funny how we understood each other about two months before passing away, as she had to live with me and my son, with my Fiancee in my small, tiny apartment. My Dad and sister slept over, too. My Mom slept in my sons bed and since her Rheumatoid Arthritis was so bad, we had to give her a wooden spoon and a pot, to hit, if she needed help out of bed. My Dad slept on the couch and my one sister slept on the floor. Me, my son( was 7 then) and my Fiancee slept in my queen size bed, with our TV LOUD, as my parents were deaf, and wanted to have TV on and I did not have cable (Since I wasn't home a lot then and we were lucky to get a lot of stations without cable) I put on my FRIENDS DVD's on so I wouldn't have to listen to the news and who knows what else, lol. I was such a happy person then, as my Mom and Dad got to know how I was busy (At the time I was going for Medical and Billing School) my son was in school and After School Program, and my Fiancee watched them, in the beginning, as they could never find our food, work a gas stove (Grew up with electric stove) and my Mom kept asking for a channel that was only on cable, but I kept telling her we have plenty of Movies she could watch and ended up watching movies I never thought she would watch and til this day my now Husband and I laugh about those four days with my parents in a tiny apartment, but it was one of the best times we had and I felt like it was a blessing in disguised as this was December, and the day after Christmas, my brother died at the age of 29, and it broke my Moms heart and she passed away in February at 66, then I took care of my Dad and he couldn't live without my Mom and died that June. I suffer with PTSD because of this and I don't talk to my other siblings as they just sat there and watched and refused to help when my Dad was sick. After he passed away, they were really mean to me and I had to get rid of them in my life as they were always toxic, as my friends, from elementary school who has seen how they treated me over the years. Sorry getting off subject. I think dealing with Chronic Pain and growing up in a Toxic Family (Siblings) doesn't help with chronic pain and Panic Disorder, as there are many things I don't remember, but my Aunt remembers things and I start remember the same things so I know it wasn't just in my head, as none of my other siblings doesn't remember anything, or so they say. Chronic Pain is the worse, but mix it with Panic Disorder, and PTSD, I am surprise people think I am normal, lol! I love to hear that, but I guess I am a great Actress. Don't know if that is good or bad to be in life. As I hate two faced people and I feel sometimes I need to be as who wants to tell them my story??? But, doesn't every family have their own secrets???? OK, wanted to say Hi and let you know I have been on Gabapentin for over 14 years (for depression and now nerve pain (Seven years) and I heard Lyrica is not as strong. Have you tried both and what is your opinion on either one of them or both. As I asked the Docs, but they skirt around my question. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon! (((((Hugs)))) NJ Hope (As I need some Hope in NJ)  |
