Chronic Pain Support Group

Post edited by: allisse, at: 11/15/2011 09:13 AM

Oh honey, you didn't freak me out. My heart breaks for you. I, too, am disabled from RA and can only do a fraction of what I used to do.

If not for my hubby (retired) and Cassie (DIL) and housecleaners that come every 2 weeks I would starve and my home would probably be as you described yours.

I can keep things picked up and every now and the cook/bake. It takes me hours to do little things including baking a cake. Hours. Things that used to take 10-15 mins. I have to keep sitting down and resting in between chores or cooking.

My hubby has learned to cook well so I get to eat as ofen as I feel like it.Or he will bring me restauranr food. My appietite is poor so he jumps at any chance to give me what I might eat.

He has been retired for several years so it is not hard on him to do these things.

He is not much on house cleaning but will do dishes if I ask. And, as I said, cook or buy me anthing to eat or drink.

Cassie will send food up now and then (she lives down the driveway and is my caregiver, along with Chuck, when needed). And will help me in all ways.

My housecleaner has worked off/on for me for 25 years. We know each other well and I trust her with everything in my home. She cleans very well and I appreciate it. Home pretty much stays neat looking till she returns and does the heavy things I can not do, like dusting, mopping, scouring.

Truly, if not for Chuck, Cassie, Debraand Jessica (cleaners), I know for a certainly my home would be dirty and I would be malnourished because I cannot take care of myself or home as needed.

As far as bug infestation can you call landlord and have them takre care of problem? Even if they do you will have to maintain a certain amount of cleanliness so they will not return. Just take out trash that has food or your diapers and wash or rinse off dishes. should keep them away. They don't care about clutter just the food/diapers dirty dishes.

What about contacting a church or place that helps people by doing things like taking out trash, doing dishes, maybe cleaning your place every week or so? Worth a try.

I know you can't do these things and I imagine your hubby is very tired after working so much.

I am sorry you have to live in a way that is discouraging to you. I pray you find help soon.

Hugs

Im so sorry your in this position,it sounds awful. Im sure your aware of how unhealthy this is for you. Roaches carry all sorts of diseases,and they can cause very serious respitory problems. Since you have COPD,Im sure they cant be helping your situation. You need to let the landlord know about the roaches. Im assuming there are other apartments in your complex,and in time the roaches will likely get into the other apartments as well. I think contatcting a church is a good idea. They may have some people who would love to help you clean and take out garbage. I hate to hurt anyones feelings,but I feel like maybe you are in denial about how serious this situation is. If someone in your apartment building became aware of your living conditions,they could call adult social services,and honestly,I dont think that would be a bad thing. No one should live in a home where bugs crawl all over them 24/7. It isnt acceptable. I would contact social services in your area and see what kind of resources are available to you. Perhaps an assisted living facility would be a good choice. Your husband also has to realize that this is not an acceptable way to live. Im sure he is tired from working,but taking out a couple bags of garbage only takes a few minutes. Your in my thoughts and prayers. Please contact someone for help.

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share with us, what's been going on in your home.

Regarding the roaches- I can relate. We didn't experience them to the extent of what you are. But, yeah- the first house we lived in, we rented, and it had a lot of roaches, as well as mice. It was a REALLY old farm house. So, no surprise to have mice. Geesh! I remember, one night, I was sitting on the couch, reading a book to my daughter. Well, out from the cushions, a mouse came flying across out laps!! It had been stealing the Easter candy (that I thought my daughter was eating) in the cushions. I'm pretty sure they could hear us screaming clear into town! LOL! And, the roaches! Ick! Oh! And, there were these skinny little worms (I think centipedes) that were in the tub every morning. I'd have to scoop them out, throw them out, and sanitize the tub, before I could take a shower. My mother-in-law didn't believe that we had as many as we did. She thought I was exaggerating, until, I scooped an old peanut-butter jar full and showed her. And, those weren't even close to being all of them for that morning. - Needless to say, we didn't live there long!

Now, onto you my dear. I'm in complete agreeance with others here. You really need to contact the landlord. Also, the Dept of Human Services would be a good idea. I would like to think that between the two of them, they could find a place for you, your husband, and your cats to stay while taking care of the problem. Even if it's a motel for a few days. I know that will be really difficult for you- but for everyone's sake, you need to do 'something'.

Then, once you're back in your apartment... I think if you can at least maybe put your diapers and trash in a trash bag and seal it up. Then, at the end of the day- have your hubby take it out. This would keep the garbage cans from over flowing.

It sounds like you do love your husband, and you appreciate all that he's contributing, at least financially.

I understand him being tired. These past few months, he's been working 12 hour days, 6 days a week. He's completely wiped-out and very grumpy when he gets home. So, I'm hoping that your husband's short nerves are mostly due to the fact that he's really worn out. Maybe a vacation's past due for him?

I almost certain, that once the situation became livable again, you could get some assistance thru a church.

PLEASE, I'm begging you!! For your health, your husband's health, AND your cats health!! Contact the landlord and Dept of Human Services. The Dept of Human Services will be able to help you find someone to help w/cleaning and even cooking. They have ALL kinds of resources. You'd be amazed. - And, wouldn't it be nice to live in a clean environment? Maybe have a meal fixed daily, or at least once in awhile? Then, your tired hubby could come home and grab the food, warm it up, and the two of you could sit together and enjoy it, as well as your time together.

I hope you will give everyone's feedback some thought. We care!! We want you to be as healthy as you can be.

Post edited by: allisse, at: 11/15/2011 09:15 AM

I know people think there are simpole answers like the church. My church only helps those who need just a month or two so I understand how you feel.

I can't imagime living like that. I hate hate hate roaches.

Can you use any spray from the store?

Being real down right now, it is hard to think of more. Hope you get somke help soon.

Hi Allisse,

I'm sorry you're in this horrible situation with the roaches. The only way you could reduce the number of roaches is to seal up your diaper can and trash can and have the animal shelter come and get the 8 cats and find them new homes. They aren't getting taken care of properly and their piled up waste and urine in the litter boxes is really unhealthy for you to be breathing and those cats. I think you have to make some really tough choices if you want to do the right thing here.

Your finances are so bad right now and your husband can't possibly take care of the house the cats and you and work like that. If he could it wouldn't be this bad.

I know you can't physically do the cleaning but you can make the tough choice to give them up and make a healthier environnment for you and your husband. Animals costs a lot of money to take care of properly. With the money you are spending on the cats right now you could use it to get some of the things you need in your home to make it more sanitary. If your husband saw that you were doing things to make it easier on him then maybe he would start taking the trash out if he thought it would make a difference. As it is now it has to be overwhelming to you and him. I don't see any other options from what you said you are dealing with if you want it to get the house cleaned and the bugs gone or at leeast greatly reduced. I hope you'll think about it for you. I know how much our pets mean to us but if we can't handle them we have to do the right thing.

If you were my sister I would plead with you to take care of you and your husbands needs first. I'm so sorry you have to suffer through this. I hope I haven't been too rough in my way of commenting about this. YOU aren't being bad to have to give up your pets. You need to think about you now. I'm almost to tears over your situation. I hope things can get better for you and your husband. God bless you. hugs, Lucky

Post edited by: luckyduck, at: 11/09/2011 07:22 PM

Post edited by: luckyduck, at: 11/09/2011 07:24 PM

Post edited by: wolfmanpark, at: 11/15/2011 04:42 PM

I have a question. Are you a hoarder? I watch the tv shows, "Hoarders" and Extreme Hoarders". They come in and clean/declutter (as much as the person will allow) in their homes.Your situation really sounds like this.

So many suggestions are good ones. I cannot imagine living in a closed apartment with 8 cats...even in the best health. Plus the expense alone must be significent. Adopting them out would save money and help, tremendously, in trying to stay clean.

It cannot possibly be good for the cats living this way.

Even if you were able to clean the litter pans daily the smell has to be bad. I am assuming the cats use the bathroom in places other than litter box?

Perhaps, your health would improve if you didn't have cats. I know they are not good for your specific illness.

Using a trash bag for your diapers then sealing it would be much better than throwing diapers in open trash can. You say it overflows with diapers...maybe your hubby doesn't want to pick them up...maybe he gets angry with you for the way you are handling the situation. Surely, you could dispose of diapers in a trashbag then seal it.

As far as other trash...pick it up. Have a trash bag near and throw things in it...then seal it. When it is full...start a new trashbag. It's better to have alot of sealed trashbags than open garbage.

I have to agree with wolfman. I,too, owned rental property and would have been very upset if my property was ever found in half the shape you say your's is. I always had a clause in my agreement I would make inspections every 2 months and IF property was more than normal wear and tear tenants would be evicted.

Happily, that never happened. In fact, the property was so well kept I refunded all deposit everytime tenants moved.

I am 99% homebound. Since age of 49. I have a hoveround, a hospital bed, and live in my comfy chairs. I have many limitations because of RA. Many things were taken from me such as cooking/baking (a love of mine), thouroughly cleaning home, driving, and social outlets.

The first 2 years were extremely hard. It has been more than 4 years as of now.

Still, I did not let trash gather. I did have enough energy to dispose of it properly and hubby did take it out. I was and am able to keep dishes washed though it takes me a few hours verses used to time was 15 mins for washing dishes, wiping down counters and stove, and sweeping. Though my path to doing it was much different than previously and took sooo long I obtained the same result.

I found if you keep things picked up, dishes washed,trash taken out, house tends to stay reasonably clean. I do have clesning ladies that come and do the heavy stuff but I had to chose to let something go in order to afford them. I am extremely happy I have them. I needed them much more than what I let go.

Still, they never walk into a totally trashed home. I keep things picked up well enough they can begin the things I can't do. I never, ever have let them clean then me not do anything till they return. Only a few times have they walked into a sinkful of dishes and I was embaressed. Or the floors not swept in a few days.

I look at them as my help not do everything for me.

I always get a rush from doing something like washing dishes or dust mopping my floors. It makes me feel useful. Ten years ago I would have laughed in a person's face if they told me I would become excited and joyous doing the dishes. But, I do.

As far as church help, churches were not meant to continously provide help for an indiviual concerning finances. They offer to help someone during a hard period of time, hoping that indivual or family will figure out a way to help themselves. So it is with many places of help.

There is long term help but I assume it is in a assisted living facility or nursing home. No one wants to leave their homes but many find it was the right decision and actually have a happy life there.

I asked you if you were a hoarder because hoarding is a mental disease. It doesn't mean just clutter it can include unsanitary living conitions. There is help for hoarding.

Hope you find your way.

Post edited by: wolfmanpark, at: 11/15/2011 04:42 PM