Feeling Helpless & Hopeless

I have a list of pain factors I wish I didn't and just having a difficult time this week. I attribute it to stress and the weather but I don't know if my body is becoming immune to the Cymbalta I take for fibro.

I am 37, turning the big 3-8 next week. I am married with a very active 4 year old son, a 14 year old stepson and 15 year old stepdaughter--we have them 4 days a week. Its chaotic but I try to do my best.

I have the following: Fibromylagia, PCOS, Endometriosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, Interstitial Cystitis, Chronic Pain Syndrome, a flat disc in my L5/S1 and degeneration in the L4. I also have 4 other pelvic pain conditions.

I woke up Sunday crying because I was in so much pain and could barely walk. You know the kind of pain where you have just had enough, you are angry about your pain and just want to be normal. Yesterday was not as bad with the pain as Sunday but I was so weak I almost called my doctor.

My husband is great at telling me what I need to be doing to not feel this way but fails to help out around the house. So when I feel better, I am the one cleaning, doing all he laundry, putting everything away like it should be. He does help with some things but his idea of cleaning up is tossing the mess elsewhere or pushing it aside with his foot--lol. I have to laugh but sometimes I just want to scream because he claims he understands but he has NO CLUE what I go through daily.

What do you do when you just hurt so much you feel like you can't move? I feel so hopeless this week and my family just ignores me except my 4 year old son who wants to be with me every moment. He is so sweet and I thank God that I have him. He's my miracle baby.

My husband is so absorbed on the computer playing chess online or on message boards that I don't remember what a date is like. I need him and have told him that but he just goes right back to the Internet. I can handle some time but we never spend any time together at all. All of this certainly adds to my guilt of feeling like a burden. My medical conditions, medications and doctor's visits, treatments have been a financial strain on us. I have been working full time but had to start doing my work from home as a Webmaster after a fall down some stairs which seemed to make my conditions worse. Business has been slow so I was asked to cut my hours back. I don't know if its a discrimination problem or if they are trying to force me to quit or what the deal is.

I am just in so much physical pain that its affecting my emotions and feel hopeless. I feel like I have no one I can turn to. I luckily found this support site but I know my pain is nothing compared to others who are battling more worse problems than me. I just don't know where to turn, what to do anymore.

Gabby

We have also had to deal with his father's prostate cancer came back last year and we were told in June that his father had 6 months to live--give or take 3 months. He stopped being able to have chemo or radiation in Oct. because he is no longer a candidate and the cancer has metasticized in the bone. He is on blood transfusions and feeling quite well but I know it is only a matter of time until it starts to spread to the organs.

Then three weeks ago,my mother in law was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. She had surgery and we although they were able to get 95 to 98% of it, the tumor was a Stage 4, Glioblastoma Multiforme--the most aggressive and worst tumor there is. She starts radiation and oral chemo next week. She may have 2 years at best to live but the doctors before the surgery said one year. I have been helping out and I went down to take care of her after her surgery (they live 2 hours from us) and have been working on her insurance and pharmacy plan to eliminate her stress since I used to process insurance years ago. As I said, I truly understand and know there are those who are dealing with and suffering much worse than myself--my in laws are proof of that.

So we have had a lot to deal with but my husband has been withdrawn for some time. I have written poems, kept a journal for my own therapy but those things do not give support in return. It is just so wonderful to find others who understand, who are caring, nurturing and provide support. I wish there was a group in my city I could find that had meeting like at a Starbucks or somewhere so that everyone to relax in a pleasant atmosphere and lend support.

But I am just thankful that I have found all of you here.

Hugs,Prayers and support to everyone here,

Gabby

HOpe you have a better day today, then a even better day tomorrow....

tons of hugs and prayers for you......

Craig

Post edited by: Fletch2ya, at: 01/04/2008 07:40

I don't need this extra stress on my body and I have tried to talk to him but he refuses. He is being so hurtful and I am at my wits end. I feel like just going somewhere to be alone because I don't want to have to deal with this kind of behavior on my birthday Monday. I would rather be alone somewhere than to get this kind of treatment from him.

Will he go to counseling with you....... or alone...... if not,,, maybe it would be good for you..... just wish....I had something that could help

Craig

I don't like for our 4 year old son to be put through this. Its not healthy for him and it difficult for me to leave him--I'd rather have my heart ripped out. I FEEL like going somewhere but I don't know that I have that choice. Maybe I will just go to bed for the weekend and stay out of everyones' way.

He is so stubborn and if ther is one way to make another person feel unwanted and unloved is to completely shut them out and give them the cold silent treatment. You would think a grown man in his 40's would act mature and want to talk to his wife if he loves her when she is going to him and bending over backwards.

My heart goes out to you. It's hard to just live with pain but on top of that not having the support of the one you'd expect it from.

I agree about talking to him. I mean REALLY talk, get him in a corner if you have to....but somethings going to give and it'll probably be you!!!! No one deserves to be ignored and I know you love him but it's putting to much stress on you and THAT affects your child.

I know it's easier said then done (I just like to act like I'm tough) however, it has to be done.Ask yourself....is this working for you?? NO! I didn't just say that did I ( now I think I'm dr. phil)!!

Seriously though, keep working on him and ask hard questions....such as DO YOU LOVE ME? Maybe that'll break the ice or crack it a little!

Sorry, I do come on strong sometimes but I mean no harm. I just want people to have better lives, ya know!?

Well, sorry to ramble and wish with my heart things get better for you

Spruce