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03/19/2012 12:00 PM

Help me deal with an exploitative Ex

Posts: 1
New Member

Hi there,

I'm going through a custody, child support and parenting time battle and I am emotionally drained from dealing with an exploitative and controlling ex. I need some support, I can only endure for so much longer and I am just so emotionally and physically tired.

My ex is arrogant, controlling and (was) verbally abusive (not anymore, because I ended the relationship and do not find it acceptable).

He has not offered me any support for his daughter for over 6 months and I didn't file with the division of child support because I'm a senior at OSU and the Division of Child support (in Oregon) won't include any childcare unless I attend a vocational school (which isn't what I want).

I work around his schedule to give him a very generous parenting time schedule for our 14 month daughter. I know she loves him and I do it for her. He takes her Tuesday from morning through Wednesay evenings and from 1 to 7 on Saturdays.

He and his family continue to attacked my weight and harass me about getting a job. I had a baby, I take excellent care of her, I take online classes so I can attend to her during the day and fit school in at night on a part time basis. I have used my student loans to support us by taking out FT loans for a PT schedule. I can't continue PT school anymore so I'm using a little daycare now and going FT again.

I am just a few clicks away from deleting all of his distant relatives from my facebook account, because I know that he is telling them all how he thinks I'm lazy and won't work. I also still have my baby weight, but I just don't really have the time or energy to try to lose the weight right now.


I guess that is enough info to explain what is going on.

I really need support to keep my head up and do what I know is right.

How can I get through this harrassment?

What is too much to take?

Should I be sacrificing myself like this right now just pretending it will be okay so that Rory can have a better relationship with these jerks in the future?


04/02/2012 07:37 AM
Posts: 182

First I want to say Welcome. I also want to say please do not let them make you feel self conscious about your weight! It's just not that easy to lose weight after you have children, only movie stars can bounce back and why is that? They have trainers and nannies! That's not the real world! Good for you for leaving him bcuz it sounds like he was abusive and that's not healthy for you or your daughter to be around. You are a strong woman for all you are doing and don't let anyone tell u otherwise!

My ex was also abusive and what I find is they like to continue to abuse you even after u leave by lying and turning ppl against you. You know your far from lazy and I've been told to not worry about what those ppl think, easier said then done I know. But try and remember that's the master plan of an abusive man, beat up your self esteem! Just continue to do what your doing because you can prove him wrong by keeping your chin up and pushing on. It's not easy but it does pay off.

I'm the same way, I sit back and let him see the kids anytime he asks just bcuz I know when we go to court it looks better on u to cooperate. But you don't have to put up with the harassment. I document it in a journal, u never know if u may need it if he tries for full custody. Is he fighting for that?

I am here if you want to chat more, but plz keep up the good work. You are a great mother bcuz u think about her before you and that's awesome!

04/28/2012 01:28 PM
Posts: 182

I agree, hopefully your ex can understand that. But being that he sounds a lot like mine I doubt it is possible to expect him to be an adult in the situation. Lets just hope he sees what is best for everyone.

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