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02/24/2012 06:52 AM

wanting answers(page 2)

Zimmerdylan
Posts: 13
Member

I cannot offer you any advice. However, the only way I was ever able to make progress in my life was to completely shut off those who had abused me. When I realized that I didn't need answers from them and that no matter how I felt about them, I just had to cut all ties from them completely, it was then and only then that I made any progress. It just seemed that whenever I went back to those people, I would fall right back into the same exact role as before. It was like I never left them. The pain and anxiety that it caused me was not worth the aswers that I might have gotten (but would not have anyway) if I had ever had the strength to ask. And the times that I just hinted at such things got me into situations that only hurt that much more.

Good luck...I understand your feelings. I hope you can resolve this issue. My resolutions always come from within.

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02/26/2012 05:46 PM
yellowroze
yellowroze  
Posts: 569
Senior Member

just wanted to update...i did send him a hello...and got not reply... i actually think i'm ok with that.

02/27/2012 06:38 AM
ange2009
ange2009  
Posts: 375
VIP Member

I was watching a show on TV the other day..once a sexual abuser..always a sexual abuser..staying far away,and no contact would seems to be the best.his apologies..would mean nothing..except openning the door again.

my blessings.


02/27/2012 10:06 AM
yellowroze
yellowroze  
Posts: 569
Senior Member

thanks everyone. i do have to admit that it took me awhile to be ok with no contact after wanting answers from him for 20 years. thankfully i'm in DBT therapy and also have a regular therapist and they are helping me come to terms with this. it's a hard thing to just say "what's done is done, move one" and be ok with it. i'm getting there.

02/27/2012 10:39 AM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
Posts: 4941
VIP Member

you never have to be ok that the abuse happened to you. I treat it as a fact of my life, but that doesn't make it ok. The fact that you do have to come to terms with eventually though is the fact that you can't make him be sorry, you can't make him want to be a better person. And that sucks, he should be sorry, he should want to do anything in the world to make it up to you.......but you can't make him. And you can't expect that from him, cause that'll only cause you more pain.

02/27/2012 06:20 PM
cutepen
 
Posts: 135
Member

I think that it is not a good idea to contact the person that hurt youso horribly.

My parents were the abusers & after my Dad died I figured that my mother would admit what she did. She denied it. I was calling from a hotel room

& after I hung up I tore up that room. Abusers are sick & they are not going to admit anything. I haven't had contact with my mother in over 15 yrs & I will never see her again. Even if I am the only one in my family

that says it happened.

You need to protect yourself. He is not going to be safe in any way. Block him on facebook. Do you have a therapist to talk about & deal with this? That would be a good idea.

hugs,

cutepen- Cheryl


02/27/2012 07:26 PM
mydane
 
Posts: 35
Member

The fact that he wants to be your friend on facebook could open up disaster. Sometimes just saying no, knowing that he is out there but can't get you is enough. Facebook is so hard because you would probably never talk to him otherwise. I would agree with all the above people. Just know that you are important and he is not!

02/28/2012 04:57 AM
barelymanic
barelymanic  
Posts: 3253
VIP Member

I agree with Irish Angel, bad things happen to people and we for whatever reason want to believe that we some how caused the bad thing to happen. That it's some how our fault or we want to know why it happened. No one has ever really been able to explain this except philosophically. I believe that bad things happen and it's just that we happen to be there kind of like bad luck. We just have to accept that things happen to us in life that aren't fair and that we do not deserve and find some way to cope and move on.

In reality it seems that the only thing we can do is avoid people who may be dangerous and be careful when we do things so as not to harm ourselves (like climbing a ladder, going to the doctor for check ups, etc.). There is very little in life that is absolutely 100% guaranteed.

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