Child Abuse Survivors Online Support Group

My childhood was littered with so much different varieties of abuse. I was molested by a few different people. I became incest. I was beaten nearly every day by my sister in law that was to be my baby sitter. She starved me and my nephew and she tried to drown me in the bath tub. My brother whipped us with belts and pulled our hair and he even picked me up by my hair and threw me across the room and one time he threw a huge rock and gashed open my head. He was up in his twenties and I was a small child. My brother's friends whipped me for no reason. My mom whipped us and let us run wild in dangerous situations. My whole family has boundary issues. I am one of the few that turned out somewhat normal in my family. My question is should I ever try to have my own family? I got pregnant and lost my baby in 2008 but I wasn't ready at all for a kid then and kids have always freaked me out but I have wanted another baby ever sense. My question is would I be a good mom even though bad things were done to me? Would I ever click and do something bad? Would my kid be screwed up just by being born into this family? I mean I am not with anyone right now so I couldn't even get pregnant. I am too scared to live my life or bring others into it because it seems so messed up. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

The thought of starting a family after going through all that you did growing up can be very scary. I have thought this myself a lot. It is a fight sometimes to keep your sanity when you have children, always fearing that you will do something wrong & turn out to be like your abuser. BUT it is possible to have children & be a wonderful parent. The fact that you are aware of the possibility is actually a plus, especially before you become pregnant. My suggestion would be to seek out some intense therapy so that you can work out your fears before you take that plunge. Being a parent is difficult enough, being a survivor of abuse & being a parent is another challenge. I tend to be super protective of my children. I don't leave them very often & if I do, I have to know the person who is staying with them & I want to know how they are with my kids.

I wish you luck in your journey.l Keep us updated on how things are going. Welcome to the group!

I am seeking therapy and it seems to be helping a lot. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. You are very kind and helpful.

gothicx i sincerely believe you would be a wonderful mommy....just from these post...i decern you are....polite...caring...kind...and sincere....

kat

I agree with Sha.... it IS a plus that you're aware of the possibility. And just because you suffered (and survived) horrible things as a child, it doesn't mean that you will act in the same way. Its good that you're in therapy and it is helping - when you find the right therapist/counselor, it can be extremely beneficial.

Welcome to the group