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01/24/2012 05:48 AM

Opinions, please

janicepvPosts: 3269
Senior Member

I really need opinions from someone, anyone. I've been trying to figure this out on my own for weeks and all I do is keep vacillating back and forth.On the other hand, I fear that too many opinions will just confuse me.... but here goes. My. husb.'s condition is such that Johns Hopkins docs want to refer him out to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. We live in Maryland. Im afraid to fly, but I'd do it in this case, just like Slada did it. His Mayo appointment is in early March. Length of stay out there is indeterminable - some say 1 week minimum, maybe 2 weeks. The good news is that he has relatives out there, an aunt and uncle, and cousins "next door" in No. Dakota, who live 10 minutes from the Mayo and they are willing to take them/us into their home and drive back and forth to Mayo as needed and to be loving and supportive. My dilemma is this.... and I wouldnt consider it if he didnt have relatives out there.... whether to go with him or not. On the one hand, it's terribly selfish of me, I know. As I explained to my husb. it's the undetermined amount of time he/we would be out there that bugs me, for one. I am the sole manager of our home, finances, bills, and the like. Yes, I can take the laptop and do some things that way. Yes, a neighbor can take in my mail and call me and tell me what bills have arrived and need to be paid. Yes, I can take my laptop and even work from out there. I am the sole breadwinner now as well. Im still so confused, it's a bumblefuckery. When you go on vacation you have a set number of days you will be away and you plan for it, you know? If I am urgently needed out in Minn. they can tell me and I can get a plane out there. In the meantime, I can be home and manage the house. My husb. knows how to do his own nebulizer treatments, his meds, and how to feed himself through his feeding tube. I wont sleep in that strange house (his uncle and aunt), I just know it. They are wonderful people. I have met them and like them very much and know how devoted his entire (and very large) family are to each other.

And here is the most selfish reason of all.... a reason I will tell no one but you on MDJ. I am his sole caregiver for 2 years and I WANT a break from him. He may even want a break from me as all I do is constantly cry and mope. I WANT someone ELSE to take care of him for just a while and I know he can be in no better hands than those of his loving midwest family.

I dont know, I just dont know. Yes, we've talked about this some in January but as March grows closer...... Im just terrified to make this decision. For all I know he wont "make it" till March, or whatever Johns Hopkins still has planned for him (which we dont know and wont know probably until the end of this week) will make it so that Mayo really wont have anything else to offer. I appreciate you taking the time to read this.


01/24/2012 06:33 AM
Posts: 807
Senior Member

you are in a hard place.

is it possible that you could go there with him...see what they intend to

do, give them the information they need, then come back home to work and

care for the other things that need to be done?

that way he knows that you are and will be there for him, and you will also

get what information you need, and maybe, a very needed break.

i wish i could offer more.

let us know what you decide.

God bless,


01/25/2012 11:06 AM
Posts: 2802
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

i concur with joyce.... (hi joyce) go out there and make sure all is set up... then come home... i care for 3 disabled people... i would love to go to my best friends place in missouri (i am in so. carolina) i would love to stay with arauna for a couple of weeks... but for now that isnt possible... so i whole heartedly agree with your need for a break.... you are human buddy.... Smile


Post edited by: Greytabby, at: 01/25/2012 11:07 AM

02/28/2012 07:36 AM
janicepvPosts: 3269
Senior Member

Never mind. Mayo appointment was canceled. See my latest diary entry ("BFF?"Wink. They've gutted him like a fish at Johns Hopkins, Mayo would have nothing else to offer him at this point.

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