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05/23/2012 06:52 AM

What's your biggest caregiving challenge?(page 3)

SebringLady
 
Posts: 35
Member

I'm new to this group-noticed it from another forum. I am the caregiver for my husband. One of my challenges is having to deal with his negative mentality most all the time. It really shows at his many hospital visits. It's very frustrating for me when he feels no one (doctors and nurses) can do anything right for him.

He's a recovering alcoholic and addict. Clean from alcohol for 2 1/2 yrs, but his illness has made it easy for him to abuse the pain meds again. Sad I know at times he has played the boy who cried wolf - going to the ER when he's out of pain meds--so now it's hard for me to tell the difference - and I feel guilty and angry if I have less than favorable feelings towards him.

We have put counseling on hold due to his illness and finances. I feel like a bull at the rodeo in the holding pen with years of stuff packed on my back--waiting for my release of freedom to buck it all off and begin our healing process. When I try to encourage him to think more positively, he gets mad and says "you are not feeling the way I feel". He was on Lexapro - but went off it. Depression and negativity is hard to deal with at times. I know this is alot to lay on in the first post. If anyone has any advise it would be much appreciated. Thanks for listening.

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05/29/2012 11:20 AM
JimF
JimF  
Posts: 24
Member

The first hing you need to do is to take over control of his meds. He won't like it, and you may need to get his doctor on board with it. You may have to buy a safe to store them in. THis way he will not run out. My wife is on heavy pain meds, and I finally had to do this.

Second talk to his doctor about his moods, and the fact he went off his med. you will always get the you don't know what I am dealing with from him. tust be me been there done that, and I will be going back again. You can say and you don't knowwhat it is like to see things from my chair.

Good luck!!! If you need a friend, hit me up.

Jim


06/10/2012 08:54 AM
MommaMac
MommaMac  
Posts: 1621
Group Leader

The biggest challenge is not being able to change their situation. He so helpless and despite the angry behavior during HE episodes, I know he does not mean it. Sure it hurts, but for the pain he's in, I can deal with it. Watching him waste away is killing me. If I did not have this site, and my faith in Jesus Christ, I would not be able to be an effective care giver.

06/10/2012 09:22 AM
booky1961
booky1961  
Posts: 881
Senior Member

My challenge is my husband forgets he's sick. He decides he can go out and work in the yard or do some re-wiring in his work-shed. He did it a few nights ago and almost passed out and I told him if something happens I won't know it! And getting up to do his, what I call, weights and measures - we have to take his blood pressure and heart rate and weight every morning and he takes his meds then, gets to be a struggle. He argues that he didn't sleep and he just doesn't want to do it. I have to remind him we agreed on this time and to read his note. He's been good the last few days. When he sees I get upset he goes out of his way to ease up on the pressure to me. But then something happens and we start all over again.

Our frustration is the waiting. The doctor wants him to keep his own liver as long as possible, we all do, but we want to process to start. We want the doctors to go away. Seeing a doctor every month is expensive and overwhelming!

Boy, did I babble....sorry.... I get going and sometimes it comes out. Ya'll are all I have to talk to cause family doesn't understand and explaining it just confuses them more.....

I'm going to shut up now!

God Bless Ya'll!


10/12/2013 11:13 AM
2catz
 
Posts: 75
Member

I notice most of the people responding to this discussion a wives. What about the CHILDREN WHO CARE FOR THEIR PARENT? What is their biggest challenge?

As someone caring for her mother it is difficult to pinpoint the most difficult issue but I have to say the memory loss is the one that pushes my buttons the most.

I just get so frustrated when she forgets things I just said--well just everything that goes along with the memory issues.


10/13/2013 04:39 PM
booky1961
booky1961  
Posts: 881
Senior Member

My Mom does not have Alzheimer but we think she may have dementia. Because my husband was so ill and our home so tiny, my older sister is loving with her and trying to deal with her. But she works as a Home Health Aid so is never home. She had a crisis with Mom last week and said she gives up. I went over and dealt with it. I have told her on many occasions she's not alone. When I talk to my mom I will repeat myself many times. My sister forgets that and my mom not only pushes her buttons she mashes them! I wish I could do more to help but I'm not in any position to do much.

Bless you for your patience. Just try to get your own time!


10/14/2013 09:50 AM
2catz
 
Posts: 75
Member

Oh Booky

Truer words were never spoken when you said our LO pushing our buttons. The sad part is they are not always aware they are pushing. I've told my mother over and Over and OVER about things I wish she would or would not do---does no good.

This is the most difficult thing I have ever done. AND, it is not going to get any easier either. All we can do is pray and take one hour at a time.


10/21/2013 04:18 PM
bobo24
bobo24  
Posts: 953
Senior Member

I read all the posts, boy I have a lot to say, I just do not know where to start. I take care of my mother/boyfreind 24/7. There have been so many ups and downs with both of them I feel like I am on a real bad roller coaster ride. I keep telling myself neither of them asked for the position they are in and I shouldn't be mad. The fact is I have not been out of this house since the middle to end of december. I am at the point where leaving the house (the idea)scares me to death. I have had this fantasy of checking into a motel room by myself taking a nice hot shower, order room service, and if they have a pool or suana take advatage of that to. I would not tell anybody where I am at I would leave friday night and come home sunday night. Peace and quiet is what Icrave the most. The worst part about it is a feel bad for having the fantasy.

This is the most difficult think I ever done. I am bipolar, ptsd, panic disorder etc..I have a brother and sister who are more mentally stable then Iam, when she came home from the nursing home they ran for cover. I swear my higher power has a weird sense of humor. There are dsys I can deal with it all and I am truly ok. Then there are times like right now I would love for my brother or sister call me and ask me how I'm I doing. I truthfully lost count on how long I have been looking after my mother, sicerely trying to keep her happy and entertained, taking over paying the bills, going to the grocery store. Sorry for all the venting, I started and couldnot stop bobo24


10/21/2013 07:57 PM
booky1961
booky1961  
Posts: 881
Senior Member

See if the insurance will cover having Home Health Aide can come and stay with your mom so you can have your fantasy weekend. And/or tell your siblings to come up with the money to get a HHA in to take care of THEIR MOTHER! Don't let them walk all over you! I guess thats just what I would do.

My sister is a HHA and she couldn't deal with my mom and told all of us to do something. We did. It doesn't occur to my family to keep quiet when something isn't fair or right. There is 6 of us.

You deserve a break. You can't do it all so don't be afraid to ask for help. Your county might have a service that can help.

Don't neglect yourself!

Blessings!


10/31/2013 08:18 AM
2catz
 
Posts: 75
Member

Oh Booky

You are so blessed to have siblings that can or are willing to help. I think that having help out there and knowing they won't help, don't want to help or simply don't care just adds to the stress and difficulty of caring for a loved one.

I have begged, Begged, BEGGED my sister for some relief. She has not been home to see mother in approx. 35 years. Yes, you read that correctly. I am simply asking her for 1 week out of her perfect life so I can rest, relax and breathe for "ONE WEEK". She never even responded to my request. She will call mom (WHEN I TELL HER TO VIA EMAIL) But, it is not going to change so I guess I need to just go on and know that I am doing the right thing for mom.

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