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04/01/2012 10:05 PM

Hi, I'm new! Here's my story.

Hrobb
Posts: 6
New Member

Hi!

I'm new here and I think I may have Bulimia Nervosa. I have suffered from chronic constipation all my life and I have been able to manage it up until about 4 months ago. I honestly don't know what happened or what caused me to do this, but I started to become obsessed with how my body looks.

When I was younger, I was always overweight. Throughout high school, my weight always fluctuated between 150 and 175 at my heaviest. (i'm 5ft5). I never really worried about my size in high school and I was generally a very happy girl.

When I started my freshman year of college, I started to slim down after becoming a vegetarian and got down to 130. After being a vegetarian for a year and a half, I got down to a slim size and weighed 125 and was very healthy and happy. That is, up until 4 months ago..

I don't know what happened to me but I started becoming obsessed with calorie counting. I downloaded an app on my iPhone that made it very easy to track every single meal I ate and I have been using it constantly. I guess the sense of control it gave me caused me to view calorie counting as a game.. First I set my calorie goal to 1500 calories a day and steadily I would lower it to 1250..then to 1000.. then to 800... and the lowest calories I could eat a day without feeling hungry, I would classify as a successful day.

Now, I feel like calorie counting has taken over my life.. I can't go anywhere without worrying about how many calories I'm going to consume at a meal, and I always look at Nutrition labels before even thinking about buying it. It's gotten to the point where I only eat around 500 calories a day maximum.. and I know that's dangerously low. My regular day of meals consists of light low-cal soups (100 calorie soups are the highest amount of calories I will have for soups), broths, rice cakes, jello, and low calorie protein drinks. I have been doing this for about 3 months now and I'm down to 103 pounds.. which is awful. At my lowest, I got to 99 pounds, which scared the heck out of me.. so I began to binge eat.

After doing some research on Bulimia Nervosa, I saw that there are two types of this eating disorder. I don't try and make myself throw up after binge eating (although I have thought about trying to.. but I can't bring myself to try and force myself to throw up..). But when I binge eat, i'll go in the kitchen, open the pantry and will start eating everything in sight. Or I wont eat for a whole day and at dinner time I'll go to a chinese buffet or pizza buffet and eat everything until I get so full I feel sick. After I eat enough to make me full, I start to feel extremely guilty. Then I'll go in the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror sideways and lift my shirt up to see if my stomach has gotten any bigger. Usually I feel disgusted because I think that I look bloated and fat after a binge and then I'll start using laxatives like crazy.

Like I said earlier.. i've always suffered with chronic constipation so I always have laxatives on hand. But I think my body has become dependent on laxatives because any oral laxatives I take never seems to work. No matter how many I take, I'll NEVER get the urge to use the restroom after taking them and I can go over a week without going to the bathroom and not even feel an urge to. The only laxative that seems to even slightly work for me are Enemas. So after I binge eat, I will go in the bathroom and do an enema and try and go to the bathroom.

This has become a daily routine for me and I HATE it. Because of all of this, I now have constant stomach pains, my period has stopped all together because of the extreme weight loss, and I can't stop viewing my body as fat or ugly. I want to eat regularly again but because of my extreme constipation, I feel like if I eat solid foods or a regular 2000 calorie diet, that i'll gain a lot of weight and become bloated and uncomfortable. I have been going to a GI doctor and he prescribed me Amitiza (a drug that stimulates the colon to produce bowel movements regularly).. so I have been waiting for that to kick in so that maybe I can start eating normally and go back to living a normal life without worrying about calories or becoming constipated.

Anyway.. I decided to join this support group so that maybe I can meet some people that have gone through something (or currently going through something similar) so that maybe I could get some advice as to what I can do to stop obsessing with my body and food.

Any feedback would be MUCH appreciated. Thanks guys!

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04/02/2012 02:15 AM
mem4809

Welcome to the group. I am glad you found us. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

It really sounds like you are more anorexic at this point and i am really worried for your wellbeing with eating only 500 calories a day. It is obsessive--as I know from experience and still obsess about my weight but maintain it. I think you need to be under medical surveillance as well as seeing a good therapist who specializes in EDs.

In terms of what triggered it to go from eating healthy to self-starvationg--is there anything going on in life that triggered it at all? School being a challenge? Dating? Family? It's easy to get so preoccupied with the ED to avoid dealing with our true emotions. That is my situation anyway, I am not sure if it relates to yours. But you sound physically unwell and close to needing hospitalization at such a low weight. Please use us for support and we will do anything we can to help you. Can you try adding a piece of fruit or some crackers to your daily routine?

As well...do apples and Allbran and fibre drinks help with the constipation at all? I know that is a horrible thing and you will likely have to take yourself off of the laxatives to return to a somewhat normal routine again. I hope I am not overwhelming you with all of this, I just care and am worried.


04/02/2012 02:22 AM
rlt
rlt  
Posts: 921
Member

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am glad you are seeing a GI specialist, has she/he performed any tests to see why you have chronic constipation? Have you been losing weight while under her/his care? You clearly have 2 separate issues going on, the constipation and the body image problems. You obtained gratification when you dieted and saw the numbers on the scale go down... problem is you are having a hard time stopping. My suggestion is to see a dietician to help you understand where your weight needs to be and to help you come up with a healthy eating plan. I think that the reason you binge is from hnger and if you had enough fruit, veggies, protien and fiber in your stomache you would not want to binge. let us know how this goes for ya.

04/02/2012 07:31 AM
Hrobb
Posts: 6
New Member

Thank you so much for the quick replies!

candjdog: Thank you for the concern. I have been going back and forth to the doctor and he put me in the hospital for a few days because my blood pressure was extremely low and I felt a lot better after that. I go to him once a week to get check-ups and all my blood work and overall health (besides the constipation and low eating) was normal. I think i'm going to take your advice and start adding fruits and vegetables to my diet throughout the day and maybe that'll help.

rlt: I was actually thinking about going to a nutritionist to see what their thoughts were and hopefully they could help me set up a meal plan to get me back on track. Do you know if you have to have a doctor referral in order to make appointments with them?

I went through some discussion topics last night about how to stop obsessing over calorie counting also and there were some good ideas such as keeping yourself busy while eating to take your mind off how much calories you're eating.

All in all, so far I'm really pleased with this group and I'm hoping that I can get some help as well as give you guys help and support as well Smile


04/02/2012 08:41 AM
mem4809

I am glad you are in good hands! As for a dietician, it depends on your health plan--if you have one. I don't need a prescription but some coverage plans require it first. A dietician was very helpful for me as well. Just make sure she knows a lot about EDs first!
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