MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
02/17/2011 03:16 PM

crazy thoughts

alyssa1102
 
Posts: 72
Member

I haven't posted in a while because things have just been so crazy. My ED has really been bad for a while now. In December the doctor wanted me to go inpatient but that didn't happen because my dad got sick. He was supposed to go in for this simple outpatient procedure and he is still in the hospital today. We have almost lost him many times and that is playing havic with my emotions. Not only is my ED acting up but I'm not sleeping and my depression is just soaring. I have a 3 year old daughter who had to have surgery during this time also and I have also lost a close memeber of the family. I am b/p at least 6 times a day. I don't have time to go inpatient but I know that I need some help. So far I haven't done the laxatives but I can tell you that I really miss them. It is like the ED is the only thing that I can really count on that is stable in my life right now. Everything else is out of control except that. I know that is crazy thinking but that is how I feel. Does anyone else out there understand how I am feeling?
Reply

02/17/2011 03:35 PM
mem4809

I am so sorry to hear about everything you and your family are going through. It does sound like you really need inpatient treatment though. But certainly when my life spins out of control I rely on the ED to help me through. Lately I have had a lot of instability --a lot--and started back with my anorexic tendencies which haven't been around in a long time. It's such a false sense of control though as it really controls us after just a few days. I do understand how you feel but I am really concerned about your B/P 6 times a day. May now is the time to reconsider treatment?

Janna


02/17/2011 08:17 PM
CrazyCat
CrazyCat  
Posts: 1527
Senior Member

Sounds like you have a lot going on so can see why your ED is out of control. If you can't go inpatient are you in any type of counseling? Maybe even if there is a support group or something to help until you can go inpatient. Inpatient does help and you might need to go so you can be there for your 3 yr old.

Keep posting, when you feel like you are going to purge post first.

Hang in there, we are here for you.


02/20/2011 01:38 PM
alyssa1102
 
Posts: 72
Member

I was going to a counselor but they changed the way that they were doing things. They changed it to where they were doing everything as group things and I seemed to be the only one with an ED so it was doing me no good. I am trying to find another counseling place right now. Hopefully I will find something. I know that I need the help it is just finding for 1 thing the time to spend on me. Most of my time is spent on my dad and my daughter so there is barely time for me. It just gets to be a little bit too much some times. Thanks for listening it really does help.

02/20/2011 01:46 PM
mem4809

That must be so hard having them change from individual therapy to group--and then to put you into an inappropriate group too! I hope you find another place soon. Do try to take some time for yourself!

Janna


02/26/2011 08:05 AM
alyssa1102
 
Posts: 72
Member

No luck finding a therapist yet. So I guess I will have to use you guys for a while if that is ok with you. My dad seems to be a miracle. They said that he wasn't going to make it and he is still here. He has been through 6 operations since December 10th with 4 of them being very serious. He is finally talking and almost off the ventilator. He still has to go through rehab to walk again because he has been laying for so long but we are hopeful for the first time in months. My ED is still not good though. I am finding myself eating nothing but sweets lately. Anything with sugar is good and then the purging. I don't really eat any regular meals anymore because I am always on the run. It is constant chaos. My poor daughter is developing bad eating habits because of all of this too. I am still purging about 5 or 6 times a day. I am trying to get it back under control but it is just so hard with everything that is going on. Any suggestions until I can get help as in a therapist. There aren't any support groups around here that I can goto either or I would try to make them. Even though I don't like to go to them but something is better than nothing. I just want to feel better and be better for myself and my daughter.

02/26/2011 08:57 AM
Perseverance
Perseverance  
Posts: 149
Member

Hi Alyssa1102,

I too am struggling horribly right now, so I can totally empathize with you. I am sorry you are having such a hard time Smile I cant imagine the stress you are under right now, and I hope things improve for you soon, you have a lot to cope with!

I found this website:

http://helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_treatment.htm

and it has a lot of excellent information on coping skills. I hope it helps Smile

Feel free to message me anytime you need someone to talk to Smile

Lots of Love!

~Perserverence


02/26/2011 09:55 AM
mem4809

The whole reason we have this site is so that we can support each other!

My ED started with my Dad being very ill--he was ill for most of my life unfortunately, and I now know that I did it for 2 reasons mainly--to punish myself and try to go through what my dad was going through, and because life was just always so unpredictable and painful with his illness. I have a lot of emppathy and in his situation I had too much. I can only imagine what you have been through lately so I am not surprised that you are using the ED as a crutch--it's just not a very helpful one.

I think it is very good that you see the need for change and want it. I found proportioning snacks and meals ahead of time for like 3 days helped me as then I didn't have to worry about going overboard and eating4 bowls of cereal when I only wanted one...I still do this now, pre-proportion food and know what I am going to eat ahead of time--remove trigger foods from the house (and that doesn't mean binge and purge on all of it--use a garbage bag and get it out of the house). Don't allow yourself to go to drive throughs, don't go food shopping without a list that you can stick to. And post here as often as you'd like. My dietician helped me with portions and food groups etc.

Perseverance--thanks for the great website.

Hang in there both of you...I made it through years and years of Bulimia and violent B/P so I know you can too. Baby steps.

Hugs,

Janna


02/26/2011 10:02 PM
CrazyCat
CrazyCat  
Posts: 1527
Senior Member

I agree and that is small steps forward so give yourself some credit. Being under the stress you are coping by using ED. ED has got me through a lot and now I have to start facing things so ED won't have that power and I will start getting stronger.

You can do it plus you have the willingness.


04/16/2011 07:54 AM
alyssa1102
 
Posts: 72
Member

Hi guys just wanted to update. It has been a while I know but things have been crazy. My dad is now in rehab for physical therapy. The man they said would never make it is now learning how to take care of himself again and maybe someday will be able to walk and drive again. There still is alot of pressure on me though because I have togo everyday to the hospital and help with his therapy. So ED is still with me. I have had a little progress with controlling it but not much. I am still b/p about 3or 4 times a day and trying to stay away from the laxativess because I reallly don't have the time for them. I haven't used them but a couple of times so that is good. I have gone to a couple of group meetings and they seemed to help a little but it is hard for me to get up in front of people and talk. Hopefullly though my dad will be getting better and coming home soon and I can really concentrate on me and get myself well for myself and for my daughter. I really don't want her to see me this way and she is getting to the age where she is going to notice. She is 3 now and is really starting to notice things. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. I tried the proportioning of snacks and it really helped thanks for that. You guys are a great support group and I don't know what I would do without you.
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved