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01/24/2011 06:14 PM

Ok...here I am again.

jacknsummi
Posts: 1
New Member

I binged/purged for 5 yrs. I starved myself for 2. Altogether, I engaged in dangerous eating behaviors for 7 yrs from the age of 15-22. I got really bad in college & basically lost every friend I had due to the narcissitic attitude one finds themself in when in the middle of an addiction. I have not binged/purged since 1997. That being said, my lack of awareness as to why I eat emotionally & obviously stuff feelings has obviously not changed as my weight has ballooned. I am now obese. Have been for years. My self-esteem has not been great b/c that voice is still in there--the one that says I am fat n worthless, unattractive, & that I am undeserving of friendship from others. I constantly worry that my awesome hubby who constantly supports me will wake up & come to his senses & find someone attractive. (He is very attractive.) I have had 2 children in the past 4 yrs. Thought all of this was behind me. For my health, I recently joined a weight-loss support group. I told myself I would do this the healthy way & only set a goal of losing 1-2 lbs a week. Well, I lost 10 lbs the first 2 weeks. I went back today & lost 3/4 of a lb. Not bad, right? Well, the fact that I was expecting more results set me up for a binge. I basically pushed my hubby out the door to run an errand & grabbed graham crackers out of the cabinet. I then squeezed cake icing from tubes onto the crackers & felt that old feeling of losing control. My kids were with me. I wanted to throw up but I didn't. Somehow, just getting on here has helped calm me. But I am obviously concerned. Is it normal for people to relapse this far into recovery?? Anyone had a familiar experience?
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01/25/2011 01:51 AM
mem4809

Welcome to our group! I am so glad you found us. You will find so much support and understanding here.

I have had a relapse after several years. And yes it is common, especially if you have unresolved issues. My biggest trigger for relapse is dieting as I tend to restrict too much and then feel the need to binge, so I have to lose weight very slowly. It is great that you are trying to make some changes to your weight and health given that you are so unhappy with them. I recommend finding a dietician who has experience with Bulimia. By the way, that's great that you did not throw up after your binge--that alone is a step in the right direction.

Are you seeing a therapist to help deal with self-esteem issues and other issues related to your over-eating? It sounds to me like you are on the right track but you need to be careful that you don't lose too much too soon. 1-2 pounds for week is healthy and likely won't lead to a binge unless you are eating for emotional reasons.

It also sounds as though you have a very supportive husband who loves you for who you are.

Deep posting so that we can help you out!

Hugs,

Janna


01/25/2011 04:24 PM
CrazyCat
CrazyCat  
Posts: 1527
Senior Member

Welcome! Glad you are trying the healthy way and sorry you are still dealing with ED. It does like to peaks its ED when it can. Is there something going on that you might want to revert back to ED instead of dealing with? Maybe some unresolved issues. Keep posting we are here to support each other!
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