Bulimia Nervosa Support Group

So I almost left mdj, but a good friend convinced me to stay. However, I still feel guilty being on here. Basically, I'm purging everyday multiple times a day now. It's to the point I'm doing it in my bedroom when I'm desperate. My boyfriend broke up with me because I won't get better. Convinced I'd rather be bulimic than be healthy with him. Had a major fight about it. And I don't feel like I want it. That I would rather die young of bulimia than be fat. I know it's wrong. And a terrible way to think. What do I do? Does anyone else feel or have felt this way?

I used to feel that way and I was convinced that because I used to be chubby that I'd get fat if I stopped--but I actually lost weight getting better because I didn't binge and my metabolism improved. It is a very hard decision to make. Do you really want to die? I think you need to ask yourself what are you really afraid of and why are you wanting to hurt yourself so much.

I am glad you have decided to stay with MDJ! I really hope you will keep posting, I wish I knew about this place when I was in the same position as you.

I am very sorry to hear about your boyfriend. He doesn't understand but then again I still don't understand why I did it--entirely. Yes it starts out as a weight issue but then it becomes a self-harming issue. Are you seeing a therapist at al? There are also meds that you can take to help with the binging like Topomax.

Some part of you wants to get better as you were on a role a couple of weeks ago. Even if you work on bingeing/purging one time less per day and work from there, that might be a good start. I have been where you are now and I never thought I would get better but I did--so I am proof that it can happen over time and with the right supports!

Hugs,

Janna

I'm going to try to limit myself to purging once a day to start): it is absolutely terrible how much I've been b/p.. Like I've spent at least on 100 on food on one week just to purge it...how sick is that?! I have to curb it quick.

When mine was really bad I spent a lot more, I was going through drive throughs, I kept eating on the way home and thinking 'If I get in an accident how will I be able to purge." And I was doing it all day and night too. I have been there and I know it is a terrible place to be. Just don't isolate yourself from us as we can support you or help you set small steps. Just don't beat yourself up if you don't achieve the once a day goal right away as that will only make it worse...wanting to punish yourself, that is.

I felt that same way CONSTANTLY. Once you fully surrender yourself, though, and are ready...the light at the end of the tunnel is right before you! Life is here!

Of course, my saving grace was OA (like I always mention). Without the meetings, none of me right now would be possible. I'd probably be dead, actually.

Yeah....I get the whole dead part..but it's like it doesn't matter ? But I know in my heart I have to stop.

I am with you lonelygirl, I sometimes don't care which I feel bad because I feel like I am giving up. We aren't because if we did we wouldn't post so hang in there and like awhnuh said we will be able to surrender fully but it isn't our time I guess or we feel scared to give it up. Not sure why but atleast we are still here and fighting.

Do you know the song 'Precious Illusions' by Ilanis Morrisette? If not get it and listen to it. It talks about how living without our ED coping skills is like leaving a best friend...well she doesn't refer directly to ED but it hits home.