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08/11/2010 09:41 PM

Jealousy

jebsmom86
jebsmom86  
Posts: 1256
Senior Member

12 step programs focus alot on honesty and I had an opportunity to be honest about jealousy this past week. My sister has been talking alot about getting a facelift and that threatened me because I've always looked younger than her even though I'm older. My sick bulimic thinking is that now she'll look better than me and then I won't get any love and attention. I'll be alone. Also my sis has unresolved anger toward me from childhood and she vents it with putdowns. Recently she made fun of me for having to color my own hair when she gets to go to the salon. And now her putdowns will get worse. So I spent a whole day thinking about how to pay for a facelift and I do have the money. But I would be taking away money that I use to help other people just so I can compete with my sister. How sick is that!! "Gee I'm sorry that I can't help you go to college so you can support your daughter because I got a facelift instead." How self-centered. My 12 step program tells me to be honest about negative emotions, to admit our wrongs. So I went to my sister and told her that I'm jealous that she's getting a facelift. Thinking about saying that to her seemed so hard until I said it. And even though she didn't say anything to make me feel better, I felt soooo much better! The power of that jealousy just left me. Now my focus is back on being the person that I want to be. I have several wonderful people in my life who love me because of who I am and NOT for how I look. I was miserable when I had friends who were only interested in me because of how I looked. ANd I don't want my tombstone to say, "She looked young for her age". I want it to say, "She cared about people."
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08/12/2010 07:59 AM
maisen
maisen  
Posts: 1658
Senior Member

Way to go jebsmom!! That's a biggie to admit to your sister that you're jealous and that's so great you felt better afterwards. It's much better to be kind and generous.

08/12/2010 09:05 AM
jebsmom86
jebsmom86  
Posts: 1256
Senior Member

Thanks Maisen, that means alot. It's NOT easy to do the right thing. At least it's not always easy for me. But I'll relapse if I don't work my recovery program so gotta do it.

08/12/2010 09:34 AM
maisen
maisen  
Posts: 1658
Senior Member

I don't think it's easy for any of us to always do the right thing, it's much easier to do the wrong thing. That's what makes us great is being strong enough to do the right thing!! I'm so proud of you, woohoo!!!

08/12/2010 09:37 AM
jebsmom86
jebsmom86  
Posts: 1256
Senior Member

Okay now you're making me cry. Thanks for your support cuz I really need it.

08/12/2010 09:39 AM
maisen
maisen  
Posts: 1658
Senior Member

Sorry about that, didn't mean to make you cry but sending big hugs your way cause I know it's a really tough time for you!! My thoughts are with you!!

08/12/2010 07:22 PM
CrazyCat
CrazyCat  
Posts: 1527
Senior Member

jebsmom I totally understand that with a friend but you are right you will have caring about people which is a big blessing you have. I think from your pic you are beautiful.

08/13/2010 09:56 AM
jebsmom86
jebsmom86  
Posts: 1256
Senior Member

Ahhh CrazyCat, Thanks I really needed that cuz I woke up and didn't like what I saw in the mirror this morning. I was focusing on the negative ya know and I really gotta remember to look at myself positively.

08/13/2010 01:42 PM
terrified
terrified  
Posts: 240
Member

Jebsmom, you are beautiful inside and out... When I first told my fiance about my ED and explained to him how ugly I found myself, he started to write "you are beautiful" on post-its and stuck them onto mirrors and almost everything in sight at my place. It was so sweet, even though it didn't change what I thought on the spot, but looking back on those moments it feels good to think how he saw me back then. I wish he would start doing that again... I am feeling pretty ugly these days seeing as my episodes have increased and my face is becoming puffier by the second ...

Sorry for going on and on... I hope you're feeling better, and I wish I could surprise you with kind words on post-its and stick them onto your mirror for you to see when you wake up... So I am sending you a virtual post-it that says: You are an amazing, kind, generous and beautiful lady that I am proud to have gained as a friend and that I look up to as a mother... Hugs...

Post edited by: terrified, at: 08/13/2010 01:45 PM


08/14/2010 12:10 PM
ninamarie1324
ninamarie1324  
Posts: 435
Member

Jeb's Mom - that's amazing that you are able to admit your shortcomings, and move forward from there with your recovery. What an inspiration you are. Thank you for sharing. Smile
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