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01/17/2010 07:52 PM

why can't I stop?

bananaphone2006
bananaphone2006  
Posts: 4
New Member

I binge and purge almost everyday. I had my wisdom teeth out a week ago and only after 2 days of no b/p I started again, even though I know it's dangerous. I need some serious self-control but I feel like I'm being taken over by this monster everyday, even when I am at higher risk for medical problems. Anyone have any advice? At all? I'm desperate.
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01/17/2010 08:05 PM
maisen
maisen  
Posts: 1658
Senior Member

Welcome Bananaphone, how did you come up with that name? I would love to hear the story on that! I can relate to how you are feeling because our ed's do take over our minds and our lives. It becomes a release for all the things we tend not to or can't cope with. Best thing is to try to see if you can figure out some of what you are hiding, seek counseling and by joining this site you are on the first step to recovery. There are many great members who and much support. So glad you joined us!

01/18/2010 07:38 AM
jebsmom86
jebsmom86  
Posts: 1256
Senior Member

bananaphone, when Maisen is talking about hiding she is talking about emotions like anger, fear, worry, guilt, hurt and alot of this comes from our childhood as well is how we are currently living. We really need to talk about these things and you can post as often as you need to because that will help.

01/18/2010 08:39 AM
CrazyCat
CrazyCat  
Posts: 1527
Senior Member

Welcome bananaphone, I understand the monster and it is a battle I have to deal with daily too! However coming here is a step forward to battling the monster. Like jebsmom is saying we do this to medicate or hide from emotions. That is why this place is a good comfort to post about what is going on. I have found it a place to trust enough to write how I am feeling. I have no one around me that understands or has ED so I know I can come here and find understanding. I hope you find it the way I do.

01/18/2010 11:04 AM
pixiedust430
pixiedust430  
Posts: 2414
VIP Member

Welcome to the group Bananaphone! What really helped me most was to take it a day at a time and to protect myself to begin with. I made my place safe of triggering things. Then I slowly step in to it. Getting used to it. It always helps to talk too so coming here helped me a bunch. I hope this helps and hope you get to feeling better. Big hugs!

01/19/2010 07:17 PM
bananaphone2006
bananaphone2006  
Posts: 4
New Member

Thank you all so much for your kind words, Smile I really appreciate and need them. So far, things are still the same, the only thing that has really helped is when I get out of the apartment or when I'm sleeping. Sometimes I even binge in front of my husband, but I don't do it to the extreme so he can't tell. Like, I'll have a big plate of pasta and ice cream after that and purge it, and then he'll go to sleep and I'll do the same thing times 5. The worst part of it is hiding from my husband. He knows that I have an eating disorder, (I went to Remuda Ranch 3 years ago for it), but he thinks I have it all under control. I am so afraid to tell him anything because I don't want to break his heart. Oh goodness gracious. What am I to do?

01/19/2010 07:25 PM
CrazyCat
CrazyCat  
Posts: 1527
Senior Member

I would love to tell you what to do but you will have to make that decision. My hubby knows but I don't tell him how much or he might say did you just get done purging and I will say no. It eats me up when I lie to him. Can I ask how you did when you got done with treatment? Hang in there and keep posting it out.

01/20/2010 10:49 AM
maisen
maisen  
Posts: 1658
Senior Member

How did it go at the Remuda Ranch and did you improve any there? If your husband knows and has supported you before I would think he would appreciate your honesty if you are having a tough time right now. This disease can be a killer and I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you!!

01/20/2010 02:23 PM
jebsmom86
jebsmom86  
Posts: 1256
Senior Member

bananaphone2006, I agree with Maisen, you really need to tell your husband because the ed is affecting him anyway even if it doesn't seem like it is. There are behaviors that go along with being an addict that affect those around us. The best thing you can do for him is tell him and get rid of the guilt from hiding it from him so that you can move on and make some other decisions about what to do for your recovery. He can learn to deal with your bulimia. The key to recovery is getting in touch with emotions and learning how to process them and live with them. We usually have baggage of emotions from childhood and then put those on top of what is going on with us today and it is overwhelming so of course we want to medicate. I ask this of members alot: please make a list of ten things that you have strong feelings about such as anger, hurt, worry, fear, guilt. If you post them here, we can help you begin to process some of the feelings that you are medicating with the ed.

Post edited by: jebsmom86, at: 01/20/2010 02:31 PM

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