Bulimia Nervosa Support Group

I've been hearing alot about perfection lately so I wanted to devote a forum to redefining perfection. Perfectionism is a very common trait among bulimics. We beat ourselves up if everything isn't perfect and in place and it causes us to binge and purge. So it's really helpful to redefine perfection for ourselves. I'm hoping that everyone will join in and commit to redefine one old idea that they have of perfection. Here are some ideas: I remember an old boyfriend, that I got rid of quickly, criticizing me for leaving an empty juice pitcher in the refrig. I told him that the empty juice pitcher represented all of the people that I had time to listen to and hug that day because I wasn't obsessing about a perfectly clean refrigerator. Did you know that Japanese craftsmen leave one thing imperfect in their work? I did that on my tile floor but not on purpose. It really bothered me for awhile and then I redefined it. I love the imperfect spot in my tile floor because it gives me a story to tell that makes me smile so the floor is perfect in that way. When everything goes perfectly, there aren't any rich moments to talk and laugh about. And who decided what is perfection. Perfection doesn't have to be what everyone else wants us to think it is. I planned our agency Christmas party and it was so much fun and some of the most fun moments were those where everything didn't go "perfectly" and there were many laughs so to me that was perfect. So if everything had gone right, it would have been imperfect. An actor was once asked how he felt about having an older wife who had more wrinkles than he and he said, "I like a woman with wrinkles because it's a road map to where she's been." Isn't that cool! It's been twenty years since he said that and they are still together. I also remember being tired and overwhelmed one day at work. I noticed that a client of mine was staring at my eyebrows. So after he left, I went to the bathroom and sure enough, I had one brown eyebrow and one blonde eyebrow that was barely visible. I laughed my butt off and people love hearing that story. If it hadn't happened then I wouldn't have that story to tell to make people laugh. And it makes others feel better too because they've had embarrassing moments and we all like to know that we aren't alone in that. That's perfect!

perfection is such a fickle thing. for me...i know that i HAVE to be perfect...if not..im not worth it...but then i struggle with this idea of well what are the parameters of my perfection? for me, a main hing is about not making mistakes...so i guess...if i were to argue that...maybe when things dont go the way i planned, maybe say that they were meant to go that way..or that i learned something of it? i dont know, how is taht for this topic?

It's hard isn't it? We've had our parents and society's ideas of perfection drilled into us. We're brain washed and we need to change our thinking.

but how...i mean, how are you supposed to untwist all the thinking you have ever had?

By jumping off the cliff, not really of course, but it feels like that when you start. We have to take action and just deal with the fear that follows. When I checked into treatment, I sincerely felt like I was jumping off of a cliff and I had no idea where I'd land. Same thing when I quit my marketing job three years later and again when I divorced my husband. It was all uncharted territory for me and it was terrifying and it hurt my ego badly. I had to work through feelings of worthlessness. It's all about acting your way into new thinking. We cannot know that it really works to let go until we let go and experience it. So you just have to bite the bullet and do it. I let go in small ways too like I told you about letting my kids fold towels, going to the store without makeup, etc. And when I discovered that nothing bad happened to me when I did these things then I was able to feel calmer and more free and I was alot happier. And I got to see God work miracles in my life which was so exciting!! When I felt like competing with someone over something that didn't matter, I'd do the opposite and not compete or support another competitor rather than making it about me. I'd refuse to be the center of attention and just sit back and say nothing and allow others to do the talking in a group. These were all hard changes but I had to do them in order to realize that it didn't cause me any bad consequences to live that way.