Borderline Personality Support Group

Hello, my name is Sarah and I was diagnosed with BPD in January of 2008. When I was finally diagnosed correctly there was a bit of relief. I went to work buying DBT workbooks and Borderline Mother/ Lost in the Mirror books. I have researched and therapied. I still feel empty. I still hit myself in the head every now and then. It is just disappointing. I don't really consider suicide as an option. I lean away from things that could be perminant. I love my family so much and that would ruin them. I don't know anyone else with this diagnosis. I feel like the only one in existence at times. Huh... what to say. I have been dating the same man for 5+ years. He is incredibly loyal despite all of the hurt I have caused him. However, he will not marry me. I don't really blame him. Who would knowingly marry someone with a personality disorder? I hope that didn't hurt anyone else's feelings. It is just how I feel about myself. How do I climb this never-ending mountain? I am a very determined person. I have always been able to push myself through anything and this is just different. This requires a tremendous amount of patience - something not readily available for most folks diagnosed with BPD. It is like the impossible task - the way to overcome this is to maintain control however, I have no ablility to do so. It is so circular. I want to know who I am - I want to be a good partner to my boyfriend. But I am not. Well, I guess that is where I am in all of this. Glad to have a place to talk to some folks who can understand my point of view, I hope.

welcome to the group sarah

the one thing that really stood out to me in your post was this sense of having this permanent and debilitating disorder and the hopelessness and feeling of being unloveable in a sense. i just hope you know or can come to see in the near future that having a personality disorder of any kind does not limit what you can do. first of all, its not incurable...with the RIGHT treatment many and i would even say MOST people experience less intense symptoms over time...its not an overnight thing but it is possible.

and having a personality disorder does not in any way make you unloveable or something along those lines. i know most people with BPD experience pretty chaotic relationships as a whole but with the right person there is nothing to say you cant get married or have great friendships and relationships.

i'll just leave it at that for now.

Welcome to the group,,,I just joined acouple weeks ago,, and also just got my dx straight,I have bi-polar,polysubstance,bpd,ocd& anxiety disorder. I am on permanent disability as a result of all this,,,& the group "really" helps me! Before i swear I thought I must be the only person on the planet with alot of my issues, My most troublesome issues haVE TO DO WITH MY BPD,,,& HERE ARE PEOPLE!actual PEOPLE who can relate. Hope the group helps you as much as it is helping me

Post edited by: Thomps, at: 09/16/2009 11:15 AM

Thanks for the input. I don't always feel so discouraged. I had just gotten into an arguement with my boyfriend which ended in me hitting myself. I am always discouraged by that. My doc is changing my meds a bit and I had this eye procedure today. Just an all around rough week. I am already feeling better about things. It is so great to see that a place like this exists!