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10/11/2011 07:45 AM

New here.

Leylaf
Posts: 2
New Member

Hello everyone,

My name is Leyla, and I wanted to introduce myself, and the life situations that have led me here. I was recently (last week) diagnosed with BPD (in a group therapy session). I am not in individual counselling yet, but I plan to be very soon.

I was raised in a physically abusive household....my Mom was also Borderline, although she refused to go to counselling, or acknowledge that anything was "wrong". My biological father left and moved to a different country when I was 4....I didn't see him again until I was 16. My stepfather was physically, mentally & emotionally abusive. He held our whole household in a state of fear throughout my entire childhood (from age 4 - 18) When I finally moved out, I met a guy, who seemed like the sweetest man on the planet. He turned out to be an alcoholic, and also a very violent person, landing me back in the same routine, and pattern of abuse and fear. We had 3 children together, and I finally left him out of fear that my children would grow up thinking that his behavior was normal, like I did.

It is only now that I am starting to realize that all of this abuse in my past has had a significant effect on me, mentally & emotionally. I am in a relationship (for the last 12 years) with a man, who is wonderful....I could not ask for a more patient, loving husband...and yet, I am so defensive, explosive, and argumentative, that I am completely screwing this up. Example: he asks "are there any clean socks in my drawer, sweetheart?" My response "Oh, so now I'm not doing enough laundry for you???" I was feeling like a crazy person. Add to that, not being able to focus on a single thing for any length of time. Being happy in situations where it isn't appropriate, and being depressed when I should be happy.

It was at this point, that I realized that I needed to get help. As I said, I am only 1 week into this, but I'm glad to be here.

Leyla

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10/11/2011 08:07 AM
priyasho88
 
Posts: 140
Member

Hey Leyla, it's nice to meet you. Ya i also just discovered one month ago that i have borderline personality disorder. I did myself using the internet, previously two psychiatrists diagnosed me with bipolar which i also have but when i read the borderline thing, i was like damn. My mom is a borderline too..........she's also very arrogant and mean and was physically abusive for a long time till i was like 19, now i'm 23. I just started hitting back at one point because i couldn't take it.........Anyways, ya, i'm totally messed up as far as relationships go. I'm never gonna get married or if i do i'm never gonna let my emotions come into it, it's just gonna be like a business, i'm nice to you, you're nice to me. I like being emotionally disconnect, i have many good days and i perform well in college and i feel really creative, my mind isn't stressed with all the bullcrap guilt that comes out of the fact that i just lose it over simple things like what you said. anyways, i'm all over the place today, as you can see from the way i've written this message board itself. I hope i can keep up with it, I hope i don't forget this website. I forget alot of things, I like things, I get really involved and then i forget them unless there is some sorta very very important responsibility hooked to it. Good luck with treatment. I hope you can get better

10/11/2011 08:16 AM
Leylaf
Posts: 2
New Member

I can so relate to the forgetful thing!!! I've been like that since I was little....I get very intent on things for a while, and then all of a sudden I just drop it. I feel you on that. My husband keeps saying "Focus on the counselling thing, don't let this be one of those things you just give up on".....it's hard, because I don't even know I'm doing it when it happens....sigh.

I'm sorry you have an abusive Mom Sad Growing up in that environment is awful....I wouldn't wish it on anyone.


10/11/2011 01:13 PM
peaches261
peaches261  
Posts: 3387
Group Leader

I'm so sorry for what you went through as a child, but kudos to you for getting into counseling, and leaving the alcoholic. A lot of people don't have the courage for that. As you go through treatment for the BPD you will learn to decipher between rational and irrational thoughts and actions which will help with how you and your husband interact. You could even let him come to an individual session to learn about how he can support you, and maybe once every few months to see if he has any concerns the therapist could help with. A relationship is so different when you have someone supportive and understanding. Keep us updated on how things are going.

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10/11/2011 05:49 PM
glama
glama  
Posts: 1
Member

Hi. I understand. I'm new, too.

Not sure how this works,at least there are others who "get it."

Glama


10/11/2011 10:10 PM
priyasho88
 
Posts: 140
Member

I'm so happy to hear that someone else understands the forgetting thing. I'm gonna cry, i'm sorry i feel really emotional because my whole life people have treated me really insensitively but I don't do the things i do to hurt others they don't understand. I'm so glad I figured out I have Borderline, hopefully i can get on the road to recovery and make it out.....because if i'm anything, i am a self aware person and i'm always trying to be a better person and i have faith in that

Post edited by: priyasho88, at: 10/11/2011 10:11 PM


10/12/2011 07:37 AM
lakensmom
 
Posts: 4
New Member

Hello,thanks for sharing your story reading these help me alot. I too found out about 2mos ago that I have bpd and it has been a roller coaster ride. I have a very hard time in relationships. Im married to a wonderful man and don't treat him the way he deserves but it just happens.Welcome to the group I dont post much but hopefully that will change.
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