Borderline Personality Support Group

Hi, I am new to this group, I have been lurking around for a while, reading and following some of the things going on here, and finally decided it was time to get involved. I was observing and now participating, so I guess Im somehow exercising some of my DBT mindfulness skills here (yay!)

I have known I was bipolar and had GAD since I was 14, but now I am 27 and a few months ago had a major meltdown and ended up in inpatient phosp for over a week, and then they dropped the bomb that I also had BPD. They transferred me to a new PDoc and gave me a new therapist. I was lucky enough to start a DBT program almost immediately after my diagnosis and hospitalization, becuase it just so happened that one was right about to start when I was released from inpatient. We have been working on medication combinations, the current one in my signature SUCKS if I am being honest. The trazadone does help me sleep, but the only thing that has ever worked for my anxiety is the combination of Atarax and usually about 2mg of Xanax a day taken 4 times in 1/2 mg doses, and my new Pdoc doesn't believe in Xanax and is DETERMINED to make the Klonopin work for me, so far she is failing miserably, but I am trying to be a good sport and cooperate, hoping that if she sees Im really trying she might break down and give me what I know really works. I like the Geodon in the fact that it is "weight-neutral" since most AP's have a tendency to cause weight gain and I am very sensitive about my appearance, but the Geodon sucks in other ways because if I don't go to sleep within 15 mins of taking it, I turn into a RAGING MONSTER. We have also tried Latuda, Invega, and Seroquel in place of the Geodon, all with no success, so she has recently added Ambien to my nightly meds, to try to help ensure I fall asleep promptly after taking the Geodon. Most days I feel like a freaking walking Pharmacy, and I also have a REALLY bad habit of not remembering to take my meds, so that makes me wonder if I should really just learn to cope without them...especially since I am very sensitive to medication side-effects.

I have two very beautiful daughters ages 7 and 9, but they currently do not live with me because all the great people in my treatment team, as well as my family, believe that I need to focus on getting myself better and stronger before I can be there to do well for my children. Thankfully, they are in the very capable hands of my parents, who I trust completely with them (most days, when I am rational and sane anyway).

I suffer greatly from intense emotional outbursts, fits of anger, and very damaging impulsivity, which has lead me to some legal trouble as well as job trouble. Due to this, I have pretty much been blacklisted from working in the profession from which I have all my work experience and my college education (law enforcement), so in a sense, I am trying at this point in my life to pick up the pieces and completely start over my adult life from square one, finding a new career path, building new work experience and learning to live on the OTHER side of the justice system.

As I get to know everyone better I may share my story in more detail, and explain some of the things that have happened to me in my recent past, but this is just supposed to be a brief intro, so that other stuff comes later!

I am looking forward to getting to know everyone and getting more involved in this group as time goes on!

I'm glad you decided to jump in, I always love to see participation. You have taken the major steps; getting help and being willing to work with the people there to help you. I know how you feel about being a walking pharmacy, but if something helps, take it. I got in a mood last year where I decided I wasn't going to take my meds that were prescribed "as needed" because I was sick of taking pills. BIG mistake! It was awful, and I should have known better. The whole process of musical meds can be frustrating, but soooo worth it when you find the right ones. I am ridiculously unstable without mine, especially the tegretol and xanax, but I have multiple diagnoses so I really need them.

This may not be the answer you want, but I would give it a year minimum of treatment, then try again to do something in your field once you've gotten better at regulating your emotions.

Your daughters are very lucky to have a dad that is willing to get better and has somewhere safe he can take them while that happens, and your parents are great for taking them. I'm your age (until next Thursday) but I don't have any kids yet. I just have my nephews and god sons, but they are my world.

Keep up the good work, and feel free to keep posting! Now that we know you're here you get your official

Welcome! Thanks for sharing so much of your story. I find it so helpful to read what others are going through. I have overlapping dx's and meds just really are a must for me. I'm glad you have a treatment team that is looking at you as a whole person, treating all your symptoms and overlaps, while helping you get a handle on the Borderline issue.

Welcome, and very best wishes!

Thanks for stopping by to say hello I do feel very lucky that my parents are being so great about helping me with my kids. But, peaches, Im the mom, not the dad...Haha... As for finding work in my "field", its not me that is holding me back, it is that Im not sure anyone in law enforcement (government or private) will hire me, short of like...trying to run my OWN business, which I have also thought about. I am glad to meet everyone and will talk more soon!

Sorry, I had been up for a few days writing papers and was a bit delirious and brain dead by the time I got around to responding here.

Welcome to the group. I have a 5 & 7 year old so know what you are going through.