Borderline Personality Support Group

Im trying desperatly to change, so many things wrong its unbearable but on the times my mind is quiet enough to try to reason I try to talk to myself to understand. Very rarley do i get to talk to the nice side in me because {am i delusional) im beginning to think i have a demon in me. If I have a good thought this dark oily evil voice in my head pushes it out and will not go away. I find myself talking to it begging it to give me peace. Im doing AA at the moment and i truley believe in a higher power and it trys to come through in my concious thoughts i talk to myself my higher power replies in my mind. the only problem is i cant find it anymore this violent nasty thing in my head screams in protest and drowns out any logical thought i have!¬ Am I losing my mind? if im led to believe beyond all doubts my higher power is always by my side does that mean my demons realy there to? GOD IM GOING MAD IM SCARED IM A FUCKING NUT CASE! Does anyone else experience this?

Welcome to the group. It's good that you joined us. With how chaotic our minds can get its easy to think that we may be possessed in some fashion or simply just evil. This is the disease that is talking. It in NOT us.

Trust in your higher power and truly believe that it will end eventually. BPD is not curable but it is managable with coping skills and cognitive thinking. Organization and planning is the key to success. It takes practice and a lot of work. And when you find yourself in need of support, that's where we come in.

Again, welcome and thanks for joining.

*hugs*

I remember going through that. I was so scared of the voices and feelings that I'd wake up and start sweating just knowing that it'd be there. But don't worry, it does go away. With time and work that screaming evil voice will become a whisper you don't even notice any more.

Well said.

There is one constant in the universe and that is change. Everything will change at some point.

I'm sorry you're feeling so much turmoil right now. I remember those swirling thoughts, the crazy urges that feel like they come from somewhere else entirely. For me, when I stopped paying attention to the urges, when I stopped listening to them and "feeding" them by acting as though they were important, they lessened in intensity a whole lot. It will get better! Hang in there! *hugs*

thanks to everyone who replied i neede to know it wasnt just me !!

XX, I saw that you posted this several months ago. Are things going better for you now? Have you been able to attain sobriety?

You also don't say if you are still having the same problem. I just wondered if you're on any meds because sometimes meds can bring this on or make it worse.

I'm glad to hear it helped. I would also love an update on how you're doing!