Borderline Personality Support Group

It seems like the more wrong a man is for me the more I gravitate toward him... I started having tremendous feelings for my father in law during my divorce and tried to seduce him... it didnt work, but he asked for naked pictures of me and I sent them to him... my husband found one on his dads phone and then looked through his computer and found more... so he knows now. I'm so humiliated. I still talk to my father in law almost every day with text messages, sometimes on the phone, and I think about him all the time.. it's just so incredibly inappropriate and I dont know why I dont feel like it is. Its like I want him to rescue me from all the pain and loneliness I feel so often.And he's so caring...gentle...paternal...or like a best friend or boyfriend to me sometimes. I know I need to end the relationship but I just cant. Every time I go for more than a day or two without talking to him I feel all this tension build.. and feel so worthless because he doesnt want to sleep with me... that I start acting out. Not having him to talk to leaves a big hole in my life, and I dont know how to fill it another way and move on. Does this make any sense?

It's hard when someone you care about and rely on for advice and help is also someone you're intimate with (physically or not) when you shouldn't be. I can understand why you feel the need to have him accept you and love you, but considering your situation it's probably best if you keep the relationship on the phone.

You say you are attracted to his caring and kindness. Maybe this is what you crave. Maybe if you can find other caring and kind individuals to help support you it would decrease the need for him. Also be caring and kind to yourself as much as possible.

I think you're right.. the void of caring people in my life right now led me to him, and I've lost a lot recently. I've never really felt cared about like that before. My dad was awful and left when I was pretty little.. Usually, the second I find someone that I care about, all they want is sex or I feel like I have to entice them with sex. At some point I think I started equating closeness with sex, and thinking that's all I'm good for.. and I think I see other people's husbands and boyfriends who are faithful, feel like I can trust them because they're so good to their significant others, and then try to seduce them or want to because I want what they have. Which would make them untrustworthy cheaters. I hate how messed up I am.

Post edited by: MissGreen, at: 11/03/2009 07:01 PM

ahh man i know exactly what you mean. I'll look at someone and deliberately tell myself to stay away from them b/c they are obviously bad news, but then i end up chasing after them. self sabotage it seems. I also get what you mean when you said you try to seduce people who you admire becaus eof their faithfulness. it makes no sense to me why i do that. thank you for sharing, i thought i was the only one who did/felt this!