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06/07/2009 07:08 PM

Baiting people

itsmynightmare

I guess this kind of goes under the manipulative behavior topic but anyways its a little different...

Does anyone feel like they can't simply ASK for help...

I feel like I can't just come out and talk about my problems with people who won't understand (read...my family). But even when I was in therapy, I couldn't seem to formulate the words to explain my feelings and desperation, I had to act it out. I would cut or burn or whatever to show people a tangible thing of why I was upset or just SHOWING that I was upset. But sometimes I can express that pain, that need but it is still in a round about way. I can't ask for anything directly...everything is very cryptic and I expect people to read my mind in a sense.

I also find myself baiting people. By that I just mean that I want, I need to hear something from someone so I will say something to provoke them to say that. Its happened alot with people I have pseudo dated, but I see myself doing it alot now too, I want someone to just say everything will be ok, I need someone to say I am a freaking nutcase and will never get better. I need to hear these things, these weird things, but its like I can't just ask for it...I need to bait them into saying things. And then when they don't read my mind or take the bait, I am totally let down, they didn't respond the way I wanted, the way I needed, or the way I PLANNED.

Maybe I'm crazy, well no I AM crazy, but maybe this thought process is crazier than most...just wondering if anyone understands this or does this. I want to stop but I don't think anyone will even understand this.

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06/07/2009 08:11 PM
kma201
Posts: 6
Member

I seem to find myself doing the same thing all the time. Sometimes I try to get my fiance to say something, and when he says what I expected and basically made him say, I get mad. Afterwards I always ask myself why I wanted him to say it in the first place. I think I am just trying to validate the way I feel, but I don't know for sure.

06/07/2009 10:25 PM
TIFFANYisMENTAL



Post edited by: TIFFANYisMENTAL, at: 07/27/2009 09:26 PM

06/08/2009 05:24 AM
WantDignity
WantDignity  
Posts: 1261
Senior Member

That's something I haven't done. Others have done it to me though. But, baiting is a BPD trait so don't feel too bad. Even people who don't have any illnesses bait. lol Still I am paranoid about what people think of me. I constantly think that people talk about me as soon as I leave.

06/08/2009 10:00 AM
CherrieAngel
CherrieAngel  
Posts: 1268
Senior Member

I'm stubborn when it comes to asking for help. Last fall the ex hubby had to go to my psychiatrist and they both tag team style dragged me in there. I don't think I bait people although maybe I do but just dont realize it, lol.

06/08/2009 11:00 AM
itsmynightmare

I didn't really realize what I was doing until more recently. Its like in the back of my mind I WANT HELP, I NEED HELP, but I am so scared of asking for it up front, I don't even like talking about it unless someone else brings it up. And I guess sometimes the only way I could do that would be to show people how I was feeling, acting it out. But even when I do use words its like I am trying to get someone to say something to me...I say something and have a certain response in my head...I already know what I want them to say. And I know I do this alot when I want help, when I need help. I guess I just need to grow up and ask for it, but it feels awkward for me, so I'm just passive agressive I guess? I dont know.

06/08/2009 12:32 PM
TIFFANYisMENTAL



Post edited by: TIFFANYisMENTAL, at: 07/27/2009 09:26 PM

06/08/2009 01:53 PM
nuttynutter
nuttynutter  
Posts: 25
Member

quote

'I need to bait them into saying things. And then when they don't read my mind or take the bait, I am totally let down, they didn't respond the way I wanted, the way I needed, or the way I PLANNED.'

I'm so like that too. I know what I want to hear from people so I try to hint to them or bait them into saying what I want to hear. When they don't say what I want to hear I get really mad or upset.Like some times I need or want to hear someone praise me and I try to bait them into saying something. Even though I know I've baited them into saying it, it still makes me feel good.

It's very hard to explain.


06/08/2009 01:54 PM
nuttynutter
nuttynutter  
Posts: 25
Member

I think like Tiff does too. I constantly worry what people are thinking about me, especially when I'm in their presence.

06/08/2009 05:31 PM
itsmynightmare

no i understand what you're saying. usually i do it when i need help but i dont want to directly ask for it. maybe if i dont ask for it directly i think that they really care about me for asking...otherwise they wouldnt?? i dont know. but i understand what youre saying with the praise too.

i totally overanalyze what people are saying or thinking about me, in my presence or as soon as i leave the room. it gets really bad when i see someone i sort of know, and i immediately assume they think i am crazy.

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