Borderline Personality Support Group

I am in love with my boyfriend of eight years. He has loved me and stood by me through my ups and downs. A little bit that some of you may relate to: family issues, bad parental divorce, terrible feelings of abandonment. ALL of which led up to a diagnoses of generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and my therapist gave me the opportunity to diagnose myself with Borderline. I waited until 6 and a half years went by where my boyfriend had to deal with my unstable rages and inappropriate public displays of anger. Then when boyfriend decided he needed "space" alcohol and I found each other, which led to far too many courtesy rides home in the back of cop cars. He still stuck by me, and I have been doing so well; weekly therapy, monthly psychiatrist visits. My job is going well, and I have my whole future mapped out. But one stupid night of drinking can undo all of the good I have been doing, all of the work I've accomplished. I work often in the DBT workbook, but find it so difficult to actually use those skills in situations when I am out in public. I tried to apologize and told my boyfriend that it was an isolated incident, and he knows I would never confront him while he was out with his friends if I had been sober(Thank God he made it to my car before I walked into the bar). I even acknowledged that I need to distance myself from alcohol. We have come so far and I am devastated. His birthday is this weekend in Atlantic City, and now he's saying he may not want me there, and he needs a few days to decide. I could never live with myself if he didn't want me there. Birthdays are so important to us, and I wanted this one to be so special for him. He is my life, he is my family. Please, someone tell me that he'll look at the good that I've done and view this incident as an alcohol-related slip-up and not just chalk it up to me being "a borderline who is crazy and will never change" Because I am dying inside over here....The hardest thing right now is to give him space...during the day it is a bit easier to distract myself..but at night...it's torture. I live a lone and he usually sleeps in my bed almost every night. God I miss him.

That sounds really tough as I know how bad my own issues ofr abandonment are. However, I think for the best chance of reconciliation you really need to give him some space. Perhaps you could write a letter noting how hard you have worked and remind him of your progress.

I don't normally drink myself, but when I do, I do regretful things. I don't have the anger problem, but I make other bad choices. What about stopping drinking altogether, at least for a solid period of time? It sounds like that is a big source of your problem. I mean, isn't your bf worth it? Do you have friends you can hang out with?

Nights are hard for me, too. I try to watch Netflix and also go to bed early since I am usually better off in the daytime and don't mind getting up with the sun. I hope it all works out for you.

I plan on stopping altogether. I only really drink at social events, which I don't attend many...but when I do, if something triggers me, I binge on alcohol. I do not have many friends to hang out with. I feel like it takes too much time and effort to deal with other people and other people's issues when I have so much going on of my own. My boyfriend tells me all the time I need to make more friends, when in all actuality, I tend to enjoy being a loner.

But these nights are godforsaken awful. I take pills at night to sleep, and I count down the hours to the escape. When I have caused myself to be so alone at this moment, have caused my own misery and my worst fear...it hurts to be awake. I am trying to work in my workbook, but it still hurts. I never asked for any of this crap. I wish I could just be normal.

I know what you mean about not asking for any of this. It's so hard to deal with and it sometimes feels like people think we WANT to act like this. I think if your bf has been with you this long, then he understands that you don't always want to be doing/saying the things you do.

I agree with petirrojo, space is probably best, as hard as it is. And using this time to focus on how far you've come and what you've accomplished, as well as marking down whatever goals you've decided on could help both you right now to be easier and gentler on yourself, as well as your relationship.

Perhaps with Atlantic City, he doesn't want to put you in an awkward position of drinking or not drinking? Maybe there's something special that just the two of you could do for his birthday if worse comes to worse? He might really want you there but also want the best for you and may be conflicted. He sounds like a really supportive guy who just needs some time to figure things out.

Not sure if that helped at all. I hope things go well for you! Keep us posted!

(((helpless))) Welcome to the group. I am so sorry you feel this way. I agree with what others have said. I also wanted to add that I have found the more I practice DBT skills, the easier they are to use. This is true for even when I am in public or at home. Wishing you well and so glad you joined our group!