Borderline Personality Support Group

How do you deal with a spouse that blames you for everything, or should I say my BPD on everything? I am always the one that is wrong and never approach anything right. He says I am always angry...I will admit that I do have a lot of anger...but I am also left alone all the time, even when he is home. There is never a real conversation between the two of us, it is always an argurment of some sort. It just never seems to stop! I can walk out of my house, get in my car, turn on the radio nd feel like a completely different person. Yet, when I get home and walk back in the door, I feel like this pathetic person who no longer exsists. I feel as if I do not even know myself when I am at my house...I call it my house because I do not feel that it is a home to me. After 3 years of marriage, my husband still refers to everything as his...his house, his money, his car, his belongings...which could rip anyones heart not, not just a BPD! Is there anyway to get through this and survive?

If you see a therapist, do you think he would be willing to go with you and learn more about BPD, try to communicate more as a couple? Things can't improve if both parties aren't willing to put some work into it.

Hi and welcome to the group. I would be very upset, too, if my spouse referred to your house as his. I think spouses or realtives of people with bpd are often quick to blame the person with bpd for all problems. If you Google Patty Fleener you might find her excellent article on some very dysfunctional online "family" groups in which this happens.

I agree with Peaches that some couples counseling or at least getting some (good) info on BPD for him might help. Your situation sounds really painful and lonely.

Post edited by: petirrojo, at: 06/30/2012 04:44 PM

Thank you Peaches and Petirrojo for your comments. Peaches, I have tried taking him to my psycotherapist with me for a few couples counseling sessions. He basically sat there and blamed everything on me and I had to sit there and listen to him bash me to my own therapist. I have asked for marriage counseling, but he never seems to find the time to check if it is covered with his insurance because he surely will not pay for it out of pocket, no matter what! If you will take a look at my diary, you can see some of the things I have had to deal with in just one day...there are 3 entries, the last being the worst. Petirrojo, you are right when you said it is painful and lonely because it hurts like h*** everyday being so alone. Thank you again for replying to my post and for caring...It truly meant a lot to know that there are people out there willing to help a stranger. Best wishes to you both!

SS, What does your t say to you privately about the relationship? How did she handle him bashing you in the session?

My therapist is very concerned about the situation that I am in. She says it is my decision whether to stay or go, but that either way I choose, she will guide me through it. I actually gave her a printed verssion of a journal that I kept for a year about his behviors and what he was like at home versus around other people. Unfortunatly, I have not been able to keep regular appts with her in the past 6 months due to financial issues. I know that everyone here understands what it is like to be BPD, some new to it and some being elders to it. But, I am having a difficult time dealing with my issues right now and have no oingsne to turn to to talk about things. Ughhh... I just feel that my efferts are in vain and I should not eve try to make a difference anymore. I am tired of having to say I am sorry when I feel I have done nothing wrong, just to have him never say he is sorry for anything he does or says.