Borderline Personality Support Group

Post edited by: petirrojo, at: 07/02/2012 01:47 PM

Good: hiding in my room with the door locked. Looking forward to sleep

Bad: annoyed with parents but saved by the overnight guests. Next time someone comes up for a lecture I will be out and unanswering thanks to my extra sleeping pills.

Post edited by: petirrojo, at: 07/02/2012 01:48 PM

Petirrojo, I understand how hard it is to talk to strangers about yourself, I could never call anyone for years, and have had to push myself so hard this time, i'm not getting younger and need help. I am glad you found out your brother is having his own problems,we all know how easy it is to project that else where and you don't have to have BPD to do that...

GOOD: Have my appointment with Psychiatrist tomorrow and hopefully start to be treated for the correct diagnoses (BPD & Bipolar).

BAD: I have a lot of bad other things happening and I am just so upset.

Sorry not overly good at talking at the moment but getting better as my new mood settles in to my brain....

((((light))))

Good: I left the house today, went to a family barbeque for Canada Day, and almost went down to see a band play downtown, but there were too many people so I came home instead. It was a big deal just to get outside the house at all.

Bad: Missed all the celebrations in town, which I usually love to go to, especially watching my nieces experience it all as little ones. Was in a very low mood today and wondered on my way home how fast I'd have to be going to hit a light pole and end it all. Distracted myself out of that one pretty quick, I'm not a crazy driver. I'm fighting the new diagnosis more and more. I feel like I'm going to be judged by anyone who is trained in mental health and misunderstood by everyone else the rest of my life. I just wnat it to be all over and done with. I have therapy homework to do, but it's so hard for me, all by myself. I'm supposed to go through the whole first chapter of the dbt workbook by tuesday, and be filling in thought pattern sheets and things I like to do list for my counselor. I feel overwhelmed and unsupported, even though I know my parents are doing the best they can. (despite issues with my mom I know she's trying, in her own way)

Post edited by: petirrojo, at: 07/02/2012 01:49 PM

Zablop, it sounds like you are having a really hard time at the moment, are you seeing anyone to assist, as we all know depression is a horrible place to be. Why did you stop your meds? I stopped mine at the start of the year, but am now on a better med and just starting to get some real help.

Petirrojo, I hope everything is ok.

GOOD: I am as ready as I can be for my appointment today, I just hope I don't freeze when I get there. The psychiatrist I am seeing is meant to be very easy to talk to, so I might have a chance of making some sense to him, my case manager will be with me, but I still have to talk for myself, I just get so over whelmed and then nothing comes out how I want it to, I am so nervous....

BAD: I will fill this in if it all goes to shit....

Zablop: Good job with the flagpole! It's nice to have a job checked off the list. You still have months before the winter, can you winterize your house/cottage?

Light: I hope the appointment went well!! Keep us updated!

Good: I actually got myself out of the house this morning. I was supposed to go for coffee with my dad, but he slept in, so I went back to bed and when I got up he was going for a bike ride with my mom. So instead of feeling sorry for myself I went to walmart and bought some more seasons of my favourite shows. At least when I spend time alone I have something to keep me company. Had a talk with my parents about how bad my weekend went, which made me feel better, although didn't change anything. And just got back from a ride with my parents. We went to Walmart and I bought a locked safe for my meds so that my nieces don't get into them.

Bad: Horrible weekend. I hate weekends, especially holiday, long weekends. Everyone else has fun, but I'm stuck either in the group not having fun and feeling like I'm bringing everyone down, or alone in my room (like this weekend) wishing I could just sleep for 72 hours straight. Still not sure what to do about my dbt homework so I'm waiting until my apt with the t tomorrow. Feeling so overwhelmed. My parents seem to have given up putting a ton of effort into making me feel better. In a way it's good because it will teach me to rely on myself more, and will not burn them out so quick. In a way it's very isolating though. I feel like a virus that if I'm around my family to much I'll infect them with my depression.

Good: Weather is decent. Sort of have a plan for part of the holiday tomorrow. Got two things that I'd ordered, including some clothes, and they are great

Bad: Will not see my t for three weeks. Lonely and scared much of the time. Had a meltdown yesterday that resulted in me deleting many posts of mine here. Hate hate hate this diagnosis. The symptoms are only part of the problem; the stigma and resulting crappy treatment over the years (and now bad memories) are at least as bad. I find it incredibly hard to let go of and forget all the bad.

Just a thought as I read throug these posts: I read posts every day from you guys about how life is hard, and the things we are able to accomplish. If only people could read this to see just how strong people bpd really are. Look at everythings we've been through and yet we wake up each day and try...and most days succeed with at least something. It's amazing.

Good: The weekend is OVER! I hate weekends, especially ones that are supposed to be so social and happy. I escaped for most of the weekend and watched tv in my room. Today I worked 4 hours, and could have stayed but I have an appointment to get ready for. After that I'm going to visit my sister for tea before I come home for dinner. Then I have papers to fill out for school debt repayment assistance. Good thing my parents are willing to help me out. I'm not good at concentrating these days.

Bad: exhausted, still having eating troubles, had an ice cream cone yesterday and felt so guilty. Even though it was a holiday. I need to come up with an easy weekend schedule for me to fill up all the empty time, without exhausting or overwhelming me.