Borderline Personality Support Group

The problem is, they don't treat my like an adult now, they treat me like a child. They expect me to start acting like a regular cocntributing adult withotu any change in their part of the relationship. My mom was actaully silenced when I asked how she expected to change for her when I'm an adult. Give me strength to live through this weekend....

You and me both baby, we're frustrated together!

Is it that you're agressing, or is you just are afraid you are? ((((pet))))) Wishing you well.

Good: made it to my dr apt

bad: don't feelin comforatabel in my own home, have keep my door locked all day. My moom knocked and I didn't answer and actually went to find the keys so should could come and wake me up. Apparentely she was worried about me. Meaning, she was worrieb about what she would have to find and eal with if I wasn't just sleeping. Bulls***

Also very tired of life, thinking more and more happilies of stays in the hospital. I'm trying not to do anyting too bad so that my parents don't get upset or hurt or guilty, but I really miss being in hospital.

Porch, Did you mean REgressing? If so, yes, I think I am. Re the hospital, I caution you against glamorizing that in your mind. At least here, people with bpd are treated poorly, with all the stigma that abounds amongst staff. Of course you in a life-threatening crisis, by all means go. CAn you tell your t how you feel about that?

Good: slept ok, I think. Had Netflix to distract me for hours yesterday. Nice weather.

Bad: hate weekends. Was wreckless yesterday. Canceled dbt appt. Not feeling able to commit to anything long term, and often not short term. Afraid.

LOL, what a mistake to make...um yes, REgressing. geez

Good: Came home, was able to talk to my parents normally, am making a pizza for myself for dinner (thought she was going to be out but she's not, so my mom is joining me).

Bad: Went off all my psychotropic meds last night, and took a lot of zopiclone throughout the day. I also want to move out, I'm VERY uncomfortable where I am. My dbt t pointed out how far away I am from financially moving out. grr. No planning on taking meds again tonight and see how I feel tomorrow. If I start feeling sick I'll just go back to taking the meds. I called the local crisis line last night and the guy said he would let my counselor know. Although she won't do anything because she doesn't think I'll ever actually do anything I talk about. K, getting into a bad mind frame.

OOOH Good: Have plans to eat junk food and watch tv/movies until I can't stay awak anymore tonight. First time since I moved back in last summer. I'm excited. Hurray for sleeping in the next day.

((Porch)), I really don't know what to say bc I am not familiar with the meds you are taking. I know you really want off them, but might not doing it slowly be better? Please be careful and safe. Glad you avhe some good plans for the evening .

Good: not much for me except for the usual things I am grateful for like clean drinking water.

Bad: not doing well. Not sure how I feel about my t, or me doing t. Nolonger have cell phone or ipod. Lost all day today. Feel hopeless.

Pietirrojo, I talked to my dbt t and told her if I started feeling sick, I'd just go bac, and she didn't think that would work. So I called my pharmasist who strongly encouraged me to not stop taking the anti depressant right away, and to just move fairly slowly. I've compromised and will go slowly, but not as slowly as my dr wants.

Also good: talked to a crisis counsellor who thinks my psych will be able to fill out forms for disability and housing for me, and it's less than a month until I see him.

bad: not dealing with my family the greatest right now, but it's the best that I can do given the hurt I am feeling. One of the resons' I'm feeling this hurt is because my parents are oh so tired of always hearing about my feelings. So for now, I will be reaching out to other helpers.

Porch, That is great about the housing! I hope the wait is not too long!

Good: Not in a psych hospital or er.

Bad: Coincidence? I HAVE been aggressing since writing yesterday. I feel awful and have no hope at this point. Been crazy, impulsive and mad. Don't even know what is right to do. My t is bothered if I call on wknds but I don't know if I have an appt. Maybe I'll see if doing some writing will help clarify my feelings and where all this anger comes from. I feel like I am going off a ledge and have nowhere to turn.

Porch, as Petirrojo said please be careful while coming off your meds, I took me 6 months to wean off mine last year and had tried a number of times to do it quicker, but always ended up having a lot of problems.

Petirrojo, I am so sorry you are feeling that way, please keep safe and know we all care on MD, and I know how you feel...

GOOD: ?????

BAD: ????

I just don't know....

Light, Do you really not know what is good or bad? Do you need more real time help? I hope you are taking care, too.

Good: Um, got a bit of reassurance the second time I talked with t, but I don't know how long that'll last.

Bad: Awful awful morning. Called t which made things worse. Went all beyond city limits for hours not knowing what I was going to do or where I was going. After I got home some outreach people were in the hallway talking loudly to me (and my neighbros if they were home) about how my t was worried about me. I told me t NOT to have those ppl come.

The rest of the day I've been alone and feel scared. Want the day to be over. I left really early this morning. I feel like I cannot trust anyone.

Good: My dad is on speaking terms with me, and my brother and sister will be giving me some money to help pay for a (small) portion of my parents' anniversary dinner. By the end of the month, if I dont' buy anything else, my credit card will be paid off! whew

Bad: my mom is BARELY on speaking terms, and only when asked directly or needs something from me. She's pissed that I'm spending a lot of time in my room. As soon as I cam downstairs this evening, she suddenly had a million things to do, such as phoning people and huffing around the house. I called a health line to see about worrisome amounts of zopiclone, and she called the ambulance in the area, who called my home, my mom answered and handed it to my dad. So, pleasant evening in my house. I called my crisis line and talked to one of the counselors (thankfully not mine, she's not very nice outside sessions) who promised she would tell Lisa I was just making sure I didn't need to go to the hospital. (I've been using self medication techniques this week - it's kind of like I fell off the wagon, into a new world of self harm).

They have me convinced not to take much more, but I'm VERY upset, don't know who to trust, and just want to move out of my house already! I'm hoping they'll be able to get some money for me through unemployment while waitinf on the forms for disability. Then I could move out earlier.

(I'm the type of person that if I feel like someone is trying to manipulate me, I dig in my heels and get very stubborn. Ex. when in high school they started playing classical music so students would get to class slower, I tried to slow down anyone who would hear me, or when the teacher turned of the light to quiet the class down, I would whisper to others to let them know so people would start talking agian. I feel like my parents are trying to manipulate me with all these new boundaries and rules, so I'm digging in my heels....not the most mature reaction, I know)

Porch, Your mom sounds passive-aggressive, ie not so mature in her communication either. Do you agree?

Good: Nice weather.

Bad: Scared of SO many things. Don't know what I'll do today. May be tired as my sleep was interrupted several times. Still not very trusting.