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05/07/2012 03:58 PM

Appointment Today...

Light68
Light68Posts: 520
Member

I have an appointment today with my Psychologist, and I know I am not happy with how things are, I feel pushed to achieve big things, like get a job, stop smoking (bad habit), do volunteer work, Does she not get it I can't even go to the shops by myself, and 2 days ago I had a paralysing anxiety attack at the shops, some days I can get through the shop with my friend late at night with only a mild episode, and things had been getting a bit better, I was even thing about asking a friend to take me to the op shop to get a few thing for winter, but that has now gone out the door... So back to the session today, I am going to tell her that she is pushing to hard and I need to do things slower 1 at a time, if I flip out I won't achieve anything at all, including at home... Last weeks session put me in de-funked for 3 days and that was the other problem that I also have to deal with, with my Case Manager (Mental Health Department,Hospital) I ended up ringing her (I have never done that before, No Way, I would of just said F*** you and not gone back) we talked and she said she will come and see me today as well... I am in a million minds......
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05/08/2012 02:34 PM
peaches261
peaches261  
Posts: 3387
Group Leader



Post edited by: peaches261, at: 05/24/2012 07:03 PM

05/09/2012 02:29 PM
Light68
Light68Posts: 520
Member

Well the appointment went well all except I could not look at her for most of the session, I tried to explain but I struggle, I explain how the Mental Health Department telling her I have depression and nothing else, they are also doing her training for DBT, is so confusing and how can she treat me properly if she thinks that depression is my only problem, that is what happened last time, and I just get tiered of going over, routine your life, sit in the sun in the morning, turn electronic devices off 30 min before going to bed, exercise,if it was that easy I think I would of worked it out by now....

Anyway my case manager rang to come over that day as well but I said no, I was really having a hard time, I have been stuck in a mild high with lots of frustration for a week and I could feel the build up and vibration starting that day, and yes I did explode but at my friend, he was shocked at what he saw and that was controlled anger, then yesterday it was my son who coped it, I walked but all I could think of was how I wanted to smash things... I hate all this crap..... Angry Sad

Post edited by: Light68, at: 05/09/2012 02:31 PM

Post edited by: Light68, at: 05/09/2012 02:31 PM


05/10/2012 06:01 AM
mem6684

Hi Light68,

I don't know your story really. Is your diagnosis of bpd uncertain at this point?

Regardless, I hear you on being pushed to do things that feel impossible. For me, that leads to feeling guilty but also not heard or understood.

I think a lot of ppl with bpd present as being more together than we feel on the inside. It can lead to others getting frustrated when we don't do more.

Does that feel right to you?

I think small achievable goals are the way to go. Push yourself a little outside your comfort zone and give yourself a big pat on the back when you do it, even if it is something that is easy for another person.

I hope you will tell your doctor that you feel overwhelmed by her expectations.

What helps you with the anger piece of things?

Take care Smile .


05/11/2012 08:26 PM
Light68
Light68Posts: 520
Member

I am in the procece of being diognosed, but it is very hard to get any one to listen, I started 2 years ago when after 6 years of taking zoloft and 6 suicidal attempts, I felt the zoloft was not working, but no would listen, so I took myself of zoloft very slowly it took a year, but when I finaly stopped the zoloft, my whole brain has gone hay wire and still no one is listening, I have tremors, my eyes struggle at times to keep up with just moving paper on the table, I am cycling like bipolar but ultra fast, 7 weeks of every 4 days I would change and then the mixed days of every emotion under the sun, it is starting to slow and I am having about 7 days, add to that the very high anxiety, can't leave my house on my own, on top of that I just seem to have one problem after another, my son got expelled from school for 3 days, that was what I had to deal with yesterday, and all I wanted to do was call them F***en idiots, I can't go up there but that's a good thing as I might start getting really angry and that does not help and then to top it off I spoke to my case manager at Mental Health and she didn't make me another appointment after the Psychiatrist said for her to make one, it is a six week wait and 3 weeks have past, the meds they gave me are not working and now I have to wait another 6 weeks so it will be nine weeks, how F***ed is that, and I an to trust they want to help, this is a place I went to 2 years ago asking for help to just be referred out, and then I asked again, and referred out again and then that person referred me back to them, WHAT THE....
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