Borderline Personality Support Group

This is the part of me I can not handle very well.

My emotions seem to overwhelm me, I cry for days over my mother who passed away 6 yrs ago, I cry really hard for my brother who went through a divorce 2 yrs, I cry really hard for my friend that is lonely and has me as his only friend, and I wish he and I could live together again, we did live together as room mated for about 10 yrs.

I cry for him. I cry because my grown children basically have nothing to do with me, they are "busy" with their livee. How about fitting their Mother in ???? I cry because 1 son has 2 children , my grandchildren and I do not get to see the very often, because like I said above, they are "busy" with their lives.

I cry for the lost me , I cry for what has become of my life at 52, I cry for so many things, people, etc that I have "lost' , not neccessarily lost because of death.

I can go a few months and not cry over these. But when they hit me, they hit me hard and my therapist said that is why she thinks I have BPD, because my emotion thermostat is not working properly. Example, no one else in my family spends days in bed over my brothers divorce, they were sad when it happened but not like me who was devasted and it put me in bed for 4 days.

So my emotions are too strong , I don`t know the word to use, but my emotions are too strong for certain situations.

I thought it was my depression coming through, and these events set my depression into full gear.

But therapist said I have emotion dsyregulation , and would benefit from DBT to learn to cope better .

I guess the name of "what" I have is really not that important, it is the symptoms that I can not stand, I am in a emotional hole now, yesterday I cried so hard my eyes are swollen this morning, I cried for everything yesterday.

When I get like that I usually think I need to go inpatient. Right now I could burst into tears and cry , sob my heart out for everything I mentioned.

I know if I was busier I don`t think of these things so much, makes sense, however I am on disability so I do not work, I live in a semi remote area and I have no friends. And I do not do what my therapist suggests, like go for a walk, volunteer, take a class. I isolate instead, when I am like this , I usally can tell it is coming on, because I don`t even want to go shopping or go the grocery store, I want nothing but to feel better .

Sorry this is so long, and I am on Wellbutrin and Lamictal, and for the most they were great. More months then not they work good, am I suppose to ask for an increase for these weeks to a month of depression?

I also was told and I do believe this , I project, I project what I would feel in the same situation, I project the other person is feeling the same way and of course that is usually not the case.

Sorry so long and I don`t even know if I asked a question in the story.

Thanks for reading .

JEN

I can only image how not having your family visit you must leave you feeling empty, I dread this my boy's are just hitting adult hood and I know that at some stage they won't have time for me, in this hectic world we live in.

My mum has had to re-adjust, as her mother passed not long and she was looking after her, she is helping out at the local thrift/ charity shop, she has made a nice friend, and it gives her a bit of routine in her now empty week, it will be slow but I know she will adjust, Mum is not a overly social person but being out helps. Just food for thought...