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03/03/2012 11:52 AM

Just met a wonderful guy..but...

angelbaby28
angelbaby28  
Posts: 386
Member

Met this guy an i really like him, we very open to each other his a widow who is raising twin 14 year olds..(im 29, he's 34)

First time im in a relationship or close to one with a guy in the last year..truth is im freaking out in so many ways!!

Im constantly thinking of what im saying or said and analyzing it trying to figure out if i maybe could have said the wrong thing taht maybe will put him off liking me. I was very open with him as he was with me and told him straight away im bipolar and borderline and that im on chronic meds, he was very understanding about it tho, i sometimes forget to take my meds and he always reminds me (and i do find this very sweet an not at all offending) he just sent me a email asking me how i REALLY feel about him as this was our third date, and im STILL so nervous around him, it feels like im going to mess up things before they even started.

I mean he actually asked me tonight if i he could hug me and when he did i felt like i stiffened up like a mummy..its not that i didnt want him to hug me..i dont even know why i stiffened, but i did hug him back..

SO far he is respecting my wishes to take it slow, but then the paranoia or "that" little voice in my head starts saying things like, "hes just pretending" or "hes just wants one thing and when he finally does get it he will be gone". Truth is tonight he said people create their own paranoia - i was mildly offended but did not say anything, maybe its is so? I AM very paranoid. he's got very strong beliefs especially about sex before the marriage and Christianity and things like that..but still that little voice is driving me ISANE.

Sometimes i will just sit there not saying a word just staring at my hands not knowing what to say my heart beating in my chest like crazy, and he will just talk and talk, and everything he says my mind start analyizing while im sitting there in silence..Tonight sitting here i actually feel anxious, i dont know why, it feels like something heavy is on my chest..

Oh dear this just feels so strange i dont know what to make of it??

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03/04/2012 01:30 PM
peaches261
peaches261  
Posts: 3412
Group Leader

I know it's easier said than done, but analyzing and second-guessing yourself is something that you need to work on. Just do your best to go with the flow. He sounds like a very upfront guy, and like he would tell you if he felt something was off. If you're going to have a healthy relationship, you need to trust him the best that you can. Look in our DBT section and see if there are any lessons that can help you slow your mind down, and not over analyze. I'm like the pot calling the kettle black on this one, because I also over analyze, but I'm working on it. All we can do is keep trying and working on improving ourselves so we can have a more emotionally stable life.

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03/04/2012 11:59 PM
angelbaby28
angelbaby28  
Posts: 386
Member

Thanks Peaches will look into the DBT section

03/07/2012 02:48 PM
Nikkie
Nikkie  
Posts: 32
Member

I've been, still am, where you are. Last year I met an amazing guy. I was very upfront with my diagonsis' (bipolar and borderline personality). Although he didn't really know what it all meant, he has stood by me and supported me since we have been dating. Sometimes I find it hard to tell him things, like how I'm feeling or that I'm thinking in a way that I don't like, I try to always be honest with him. It's awesome to have him there for me.

I know it might be very difficult, but if your guy is supportive and your relationship with him is healthy, you might be amazed at how much good this relationship could be fore you!!

(By the way, I had no positive expectations for this relationship with my boyfriend, but now he is soon to be my fiance.....best wishes to you!!)


03/08/2012 03:34 AM
angelbaby28
angelbaby28  
Posts: 386
Member

Thanks so much for the encouragement Nikkie, i was also very upfront about my diagnosis, luckily this guy is the type who researches everything so im sure he looked up on bmd, but like today; im so depro, and he keeps on asking me whats wrong what made me feel this way, and i cant tell him, i DONT KNOW!!. I really dont, am sure you will understand what i mean?..Yes i also dont really have positive expectations, but im taking it day by day.allready hes saying things like, when we get married i will be the provider, and you cant stay home, taking care of the household. i think this frightens me a bit, seeing that we only know eachother a couple of weeks,( i havent even met his children yet, his a widow, his wife passed away 9 months ago) and im not one to sit at home, my mind needs to actively stay busy. im at home at the moment because i dont have a job, and its killing me!!. Sometimes im scared to be uprfront because im scare we will end up in a fight or he will think less of me.Oh dear here it starts allready..

03/08/2012 09:32 AM
Nikkie
Nikkie  
Posts: 32
Member

The number one piece of advice I have is one that I learned the hard way: Set your boundaries!! My boyfriend was the same way, asking what's wrong and I had no answer for him. I finally told him "I hate when you ask me that cause I never know what to say." He now only asks me if I'm ok and its usually only when I am not communicating at all.

I've had to learn to be open with him and not stress about how I'm 'making' him feel. I have had to tell myself: I must do this for ME...not him or anyone else, but for ME only. If that means I hurt his feelings, well, I tell him exactly that-Its not about him and me, but just me and myself.

My boyfriend is often seeking out guidence from a couple we know that has had to deal with bipolar in the family. The couple has been a great support for my boyfriend in reassuring him on different areas.

Perhaps if you do continue in your relationship with this guy, once you are ready, find a support group for the both of you as a couple, or just another healthy couple that has been through what you are dealing with.

(Sorry this may not make much sense, my brain is not functioning well.....I'm about to go inpatient for ECT treatment and am struggling.)

Best wishes for you!!


03/08/2012 09:41 AM
angelbaby28
angelbaby28  
Posts: 386
Member

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me Nikki, i really hope the ECT treatement works for you. I see that you have never found the right meds. I cant even imagine how that must feel, im so sorry you have to go thru that-its horrible, i was misdiagnosed for 10 years, so i can relate, but definitely not understand what you must be going thruSad YOur right, i need to be upfront with him before it gets out of hand.. great idea about the support. I do really care about this guy and i know he cares about me. Good luck with the ECT, please keep in touch i just send you a friend request, would like to become online friends and maybe you and i will be able to give eachother support..thinking of you!!
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