Borderline Personality Support Group

I have never realized how much of a nervous wreck I've become over the last 9 years, but it has been ruining the quality of life I've been living. I've constantly felt worthless when it came to other people, most likely relating to my mother's death when I was 10 years old. When I was a teenager, I struggled with massive depression and became obsessively suicidal 9 to 10 months out of the year, mentally exhausting myself. I've always thought people didn't like me because I was over weight and a little on the quirky side of the spector, but I believe it was because I was so negative and neurotic of what people thought of me. I finally was diagnosed with BPD when I was 17, after many failed attempts to understand my mental state. I find that I am most stable in relationships, because without them, I feel as though I'm hopelessly un-loveable. Recently, I have been feeling at a loss with being able to communicate with others, because I've been living in my head since I've been 12 years old. I haven't made new friends in 3 years, and the people I do hang out with are used to the most ridiculous things coming out of my mouth that have nothing to do with the conversation that they think I'm stupid. And I sound stupid, only because I don't know how to have my own opinions since I've made the change to college and lived with my mentally-manipulative ex roommate. I've lost all knowledge of who I am or what I enjoy in life. I've become so anxious, I only leave my apartment to eat, go to school, or hang out with friends. I also struggle with the concept of denying anyone anything they want so I can make friends. Does anyone feel like they've completely lost who they are because they were so worried about keeping themselves on this plane of reality? If anyone has advice for making new friends or pursuing new interests, I'd greatly appreciate them.

Having identity issues is one of the symptoms of BPD, so what you're going through is completely normal. Have you started DBT? It can be a wonderful help with those issues. The first thing you have to do is figure out who you are, and love yourself. Take some time and make a list of things you would be interested in trying and see if they are available in your area. Remember that everyone who is your friend now was once a stranger. It's hard, but you have to put yourself out there.

Anyone who is a true friend will like you for who you are whether you do things your way, their way, or compromise. If someone doesn't want to be your friend it's not the end of the world. If they say no or aren't interested, the worst that will happen is they say no or aren't interested. We can't please everyone, it's physically and mentally draining.

Thanks