Borderline Personality Support Group

Do you have trouble realizing that other people are suffering as much as you think you're suffering? Or, at least, this question applies to me but is it only me or is it a borderline perception?

When I'm in pain or think I'm suffering in some way I always focus on myself and have a hard time thinking that maybe people around me are also feeling that way so I should try to be less of a wimp. I found out my achilles tendons are too short so I have severe foot pain while I'm working, but for so many years I find that I'm always focusing on my pain and thinking it's the worst thing ever and I can't handle it, but what about the person beside me who might have something just the same? I feel like a giant spoiled brat who can't seem to view herself externally even though she tends to be one of the most self aware people she can think of.

Sorry if this is confusing. >.>

I understand what you're saying. I focus on me me me all the time. Then I think well what about the other people....? And I get, well they are stronger than me. I always think that.

Yeah that's pretty much how I feel but I didn't realize I was doing it for a long time. I feel like a whiney asshole. I'm confused though, I mean, at the same time I wonder how different the borderline emotions are compared to other people? It's always the question of whether or not I'm really experience emotions that are more intense or I'm just using it as an excuse.

PRetty much what I think except a lot of the time I don't care because I am so depressed all the time I don't think these other people would come close to understanding. I think my emotions are way more intense.

humm funny that is something big i have had to think about the last few months. I too was always thinking no one has a clue, always focused on me. Then i went into bpd treatment and wow some have it way worse then me. Then my best friends mother died quite a horrible death and i have been with him through this and i have now changed my perception. I realised that their are people out there suffering just as much or more but some dont talk about it as much as me. So am trying now to be grateful for what i have and not focus on what i could have or should have etc etc. I know exactly what you mean :o) I feel like huge baby every single time i am not feeling good and i see now that i often overexagerate it as well, i think to get attention sometimes too :o)

Hi, I think it is fine to "validate" and acknowledge your pain. It is real!

At the same time, it is good to think of things that one is grateful for and to see that others have their own problems and traumas, too.

It doesn't have to be either or.

I also feel like a wimp/baby sometimes, but I think if we learned how to self-soothe and such as wee ones we would not feel so desperate and vulnerable when we feel bad.

Very true. I have a list of your rights as a legitimate rights as a human being. And one thing is You have the right to your own experience even if its different then those of other people. And i had a hard time understanding til they really explained it to me in therapy. I always feel so guilty as i said when i am complaining about emtional or physical pain, since i have always told myself omg others have it way worse then me, their are children dying in africa, what i am complaining about. Then they explained. That my pain to ME is just as real as others pain and that i have the right to feel it and its just as valid. They of course also are teaching us that ok, acknowledge your pain, feel it ( cause its just as unhealthy to push it aside like i used to do all the time) but to not dwell on it forever. Feel it acknowledge it then move on to something else. I have been practicing that quite a bit :o)

I totally feel you lemonade pusher! I'm always in pain but sometimes I think that if i could just change my perception and learn to deal more then I wouldn't be such a burden on everyone. I keep control of things really well for a long time then I sometimes feel the emotions regurgitating up like heartburn. It sucks. I just try to cry it out or express it in a normal way. But one thing i notice is this, my thoughts and emotions cycle whether it's internal or external. Sometimes I feel it's better to keep it internal and keep control over my behavior rather than go crazy with it because i end up hurting everyone. I always look for ways to deal with pain, physical I just take a pain killer and rest more, mental I try to engage in alot of artistic activities like song writing, dancing or emotional I come on here. I just do different things to deal, I try really hard these days not to put the burden of my pain constantly on others. And when I do that, I can see that even other people have pain and are going thru similar things. Sometimes emotions do get hard, i cry alot to myself, I don't smile as much. I can tell my emotions are also much more intense but others just have a milder version of what i'm feeling. It's really hard. I've been really normal over the last month. It's hard though. I feel I need something, time, more relaxation, freedom something, can't explain it, that full satisfaction is not there.

Thanks for all the replies. I agree with everyone's posts.

I find myself getting angry at people at work like managers who insist on being there constantly! I just hate them for feeling ill and making themselves stay anyway. They brag about it and say 'Well, I was here every day this year and I was deathly ill for four of those days but I stayed!" I find myself thinking that I'm being persecuted for feeling so horrible at work and wanting desperately to leave because someone else wants to make themself endure such a torture...And then I keep getting told that I'm just being selfish and everyone is having problems and I should just ignore mine because so and so ignores theirs. So I started a new job and decided since everything is fresh I'm going to do what those people do and just pretend I feel okay. It doesn't work very well but I'm not going to miss work without replacing myself or having a seriously legitimate reason. I keep wondering though if it's harder for me because of the extra emotion and it's so frustrating walking around working wanting to break down all the time.

thank you all for this thread today.

I agree that it's a balance---to stay with the pain but not to think that's all there is to our lives.

I have been having pain lately, myself; my dental stuff ongoing. I am pretty tired too of hearing myself talk about it. I keep saying to myself that one day it will end. It will. I validate my feelings, I validate how it affects others.

thanks,

Carol