Borderline Personality Support Group

Ok, so I've asked my boyfriend to wake me up for the past couple days. And everyday he has an excuse as to why he didn't. I absolutely hate waking up alone in bed when I know I fell asleep with him in it. I wake up panicky & maybe its due to the abandonment issues that go along with BPD. He knows how hard of a time it is for me to wake up. And I also can open my eyes, have a conversation with someone and not remember that it happened, he also knows this and I have asked him to make sure I'm REALLY up and awake, lucid. So I wake up alone again this morning, and I started freaking out, and I was very angry with him. He always says sorry later on, but then do it again the next day. I am so frustrated and have a lot of anxiety about this right now. We had an argument last night that made me cry, and then I wake up and cried because of this. He's only at my house for a short period of time, so I like to make the most of it and spend a lot of time with him before he has to go back home, which is in another state. Does anyone else feel that way when you wake up? I absolutely hate it. Any thoughts? Maybe I can get some compassion here if its not coming from him (where I need it to come from)

I am sorry that your bf does not seem to hear you or make you feel like you are heard.

I don't know why people do the things they do, either. I don't always have control over how people are and I have learned that doesn't mean I don't deserve what I need or want.

I think if I were in your place, I might think that would be coming from abandonment issues. I relate to feeling panicky and feeling unimportant and INVISIBLE and I dislike those feeling very much.

I wish I had an answer.

But I empathize.

Carol

I agree that this is probably coming from abandonment issues, but maybe he is genuinely forgetting. Something we tend to forget is that our issues are not other's issues, so they may not have things like that in the front of their minds like we do. Ask him if he would mind putting a post-it note or something by his side of the bed so he will see it when he wakes up. This is something you may want to work on with a therapist. He may be a person that wants to have some alone time when he first wakes up. We all have different wants and needs and should keep those things in mind at all times. I know it's one of the harder things to do with BPD, especially when it's something that bothers you so much.

I do try to avoid waking up alone when going to sleep next to someone. That is why when I am dating, I like it better when I visit their house. So that way I am leaving them and they are not leaving me. I had a new male friend that is possibly a romantic interest come over and spend 3 hours of quality time with me. I had extreme abandonment issues when he left. I haven't felt that way in a long time! It really sucks so I know how you feel! It is such an overpowering emotion. ONe of the worst symptoms of bpd for sure.

Post edited by: ApRiLGeTsAngry77, at: 10/01/2011 04:12 AM

I empathize, too, with having problems being alone.

When I lost my husband, I did start dating anothe person and then I stopped, but we still call each other and my former husband and I still talk.

I still can't go to sleep without talking to my former or my new friend.

Guilty! lol

Carol

I'm more likely to feel smothered when someone wants to stay. Other than when I sleep I enjoy having company, but not at all times. If I start spending time with someone every day, all day; there's a very good chance they will annoy me thoroughly with a few months. I'm the odd girl with abandonment issues who is easily smothered if that makes sense to anyone.

Peaches we are aike in that way. I prefer being and sleeping alone most of the time. Only company every once in awhile is what I enjoy.