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09/03/2011 12:03 AM

Getting diagnosed, getting good treatment

sparklehorse

Hi, as a newbie, I've started a few discussions. I am figuring out what I can about BPD.

I, personally think I have BPD traits severe enough that they have made life miserable for me. They hsve proved intractable to regular treatment.

I may have only four traits, who know? Maybe I have the requisite five. The one's I do have cause immense pain.

The few practioners I have tried to explain this to are dismissive. I have comorbidities of major depression, BPII, PTSD, and extreme anxiety. Those get the focus.

I want to be properly diagnoised without judgement or traumitization.

I want to find appropriate treatment and not have the daylights scared out if me.

How does anyone approach this in a sane manner?

I was thinking of taking some xeroxes of updated reading to my pdoc. How does that sound?

Thanks for any imput.

sparklehorse

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09/03/2011 01:25 AM
peaches261
peaches261  
Posts: 3387
Group Leader

I dont know if I would go as far as to take updated info. That may make your pdoc think you believe they don't know what theyre doing. While the internet can be informative, a lot of people have started self-diagnosing before they even go to the doctor, which I'm sure can be very frustrating for them. I would just maybe take some notes in on the criteria you think you meet and discuss it with your pdoc. Their psych evals are the true way of diagnosing.

09/03/2011 07:09 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

I know a lot of quizes on the internet are not worthy of mentioning to a doctor but there is a borderline quiz on psychcentral.com that I think would be worth mentioning to a doctor if you take it and the results show evidence of boderline symptoms. A doctor created the site and quiz so that is why I think you could take it to your current doctor and open up a communication line based on that. Also what peaches said is a good idea.

09/03/2011 07:11 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

Here is a link to the quiz

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

Also you mentioned you want to get good treatment. The recommended treatment for bpd is DBT therapy. DBT is used for a variety of other disorders as well so maybe you could just mention you want to try DBT therapy. Either way - good luck!


09/03/2011 08:12 AM
sparklehorse

Hi April, popped over to pyschcentral, and learned again what I already knew. Scored 32 as top of 'likely', where 33 and up is yes.

O.K. As peaches brought up, maybe the xeroxes would not be appropriate. He's young and open-minded and didn't blink when I told him I had affective instability (hence risperidone added). I think I can trust him to help me and not flinch. My last doc gave me a very hard time when I tried to explain how I was feeling and level of suffering (everyone seems to think one must SI or threaten suicide. That kind of thinking keeps people from getting real help!)

There is a good book, the best I have read so far that is helping put this together for me: Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, by Robert O. He's very open, scientific, validating.

I am so tired of hiding from myself. I'm just too old. I have a kid. No way am I reading that book about borderline mothers. There is some alarming and disheartening literature out there. I'm a real person and a good-enough one, too.

Thanks for the support April and Peaches as I 'come out' to myself and my pdoc, tdoc.

Husband had enough problems dealing with my bipolar. He's a good guy and thinks of me as simply high strung. 27 years of marriage Sideways

sparklehorse


09/05/2011 03:53 PM
mowgli
mowgli  
Posts: 437
Member

Do NOT read the Borderline Mother books,it will set you back big time.

I am also a mother of 2 teenagers and I am aware I have negatively impacted their lives in some ways. Now that I am diagnosed and aware of my behaviors and they are old enough to discuss it, they are understanding that it is an illness and say they love me and would never want me to leave them ...

Because there were many times I wanted to, because I was so sad and sick and felt that they would be better off without me ...

I am thankful I have been able to survive these feelings, because suicide is devastating to children and our loved ones, but especially children


09/05/2011 06:29 PM
sparklehorse

Thank you Mowgli,

I have those thoughts. Not high drama but a more sober why did my son have me for a mother? Why? Those thoughts can lead me to despair, and despair leads to more. I'm glad your teenagers value you. That's an merciful grace to have your value validated I imagine.

I am sad and sick, but don't want to die or leave my son. But I do think about how he would be with just his dad, and how it might be better if I was out of their way. I understand these are cognitive distortions, but they feel darn real. FYI, I don't do anything about them except cry and get stomach aches. I'm safe.

So your sharing that is something I will keep in my pocket and try and remember to take out and look at during good and bad times. Thank you so much.


09/05/2011 09:31 PM
allisse
allisse  
Posts: 189
Member

I left my daughter with my husband (her father) when she was 4 and I thought he would be a better parent. Sadly I was sooooooooo wrong!! She is now 18 almost 19 and hates my gutts! Her father started back to drinking (alcoholic was sober almost 10 years then) and she endured ALL the things I thought would NOT happen if I left. But if I was there those things would have NEVER EVER happend to her!! no details but a LOT of really bad stuff happend to her after I left. Sorry so graphic its just when I read this I felt compeled to beg you to REALLY think it through. Im here for ya!

09/06/2011 04:15 AM
mowgli
mowgli  
Posts: 437
Member

I am 49 and didn't seek treatment till I was 47, due to embarrassment , the stigma of mental illness and fear of losing my children . Not because I abused them, because I didn't, but just because I was so naive and afraid.Some how I was able to hide my feelings and behaviors (depression, feelings of shame and worthlessness, rages, eating disorder) since I was about 13, from everyone but my immediate family. My parents didn't know what to do and figured I seemed to function well (good students, some friends) but they never new

My husband also has issues and has been chronically unemployed due to them mostly (some is the economy and age discrimination, at least lately) so I new he would struggle to support them and my kids don't get along with him, although they love him.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that this is all very difficult and it is a too bad there are not better resources to help families with problems. There appears to be, but I have heard horror stories and seen many not qualify, etc.

So I try not to beat myself up, although I have many regrets, mostly that I didn't have the courage to get help sooner. But it did take me over a year to get help, after I AGGRESSIVELY sought it.

This indicates there is much wrong with the mental health system in our country and in general and I plan to do my part to change it!

Post edited by: mowgli, at: 09/06/2011 04:18 AM

Post edited by: mowgli, at: 09/06/2011 06:31 AM


09/06/2011 11:02 AM
sparklehorse

Getting help is difficult, I am finding. And avoiding negative, hurtful treatment. One doctor wanted me off all medication because that was his understanding of 'protocol' for borderline treatment. Never mind I am a person with co-morbid conditions of MD, BP, PTSD, chronic insomnia. As if the dx of borderline becomes the entirety of one's being, like monolithic, whichnis exactly the opposite of what borderline therapy is about, right? That one is larger than the dx and one can skillfully learn some coping and control.

There is no dbt around here. I may have to travel at least 30 miles in heavy traffic. I'm not saying I won't, but that's what it's like. My therapist (new, I like her, she's helpful) is trying to dig up some dbt near me as part of my therapy. I'd still see her. We're working towards initiating some EMDR and seeing how that goes because I do have PTSD.

I am 51. So I am a little late to the whole thing myself. My child is only 7 though. Late to that game as well Whistling

When he was a baby, it was easier because life, though taxing, was less complicated. Just lugging him around, hugging him. Now there is school and social functions and I have social phobia in the mix (and why wouldn't I?). So as he gets older, I can't hide, and the demands increase. I get real scared about keeping up and not having him really hate me the way my brother really hates my mom.

Mowgli, I have hid in embarrassment for years and live with the fear that if people knew how scared and unstable I was

inside, my child might be taken from me--or should be. I'm sorry that you have felt embarrassment yourself and have struggled so long alone. Allise, you too. Thank you for speaking up about something so painful. What are you up to these days?

Oh sigh. This getting the proper good-enough treatment, never mind great treatment is tough work.

And I haven't told my husband. I might have mentioned this already. He's very kind, but flipped out at the BP dx, and then, the lamictal rash. How can I tell him about something called 'borderline', the very name itself so scary? Though he did say to my doc once that I seem to lack basic self-regulatory skills. (He's smart; god knows why he's still around.)

Someday he'll accept it. But not before I can get a better idea of what it means for me. And I get some firm help in hand.

I am so appreciating this discussion. So much. Thank you.Ermm

Post edited by: sparklehorse, at: 09/06/2011 11:05 AM

Post edited by: sparklehorse, at: 09/06/2011 11:08 AM

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