Borderline Personality Support Group

I have been recently diagnosed with BPD, and I am so afraid of this disorder because I know how I made others feel in the past and how I treated them. I don't trust anyone, I always feel lonely and never feel cared for or loved. When I get into a relationship with a boy, I usually scare them away because I want attention from them everyday and to see them a lot. If this doesn't happen I get very angry and take it out on them. I do not see myself having a successful relationship if I do not reach out for help and try to control this disorder. My friends really do not understand the severity of this disorder and I do not want to get into to deep with with them about it, as I am afraid I will scare them away. I need some direction and help with this please. : )

Post edited by: KNS22, at: 06/16/2011 05:34 PM

There are a lot of good lessons in our DBT section, you should check it out.

HI KNS and welcome to our group!

It sounds like you crave a lot of attention, especially in a relationship. Even when I was a teen and dating, I was the same way. If I wasn't with them constantly, I felt so alone. It's an easy way to scare boys away. I'm not sure how my husband put up with me all these years because I still need a lot of attention and together time. I try to have other interests so I don't smother him. Some days it works and some days it doesn't, but that could be the answer. If you can fill your time with other things that interest you, it could help you control the urges to always call them or want to be with them.

Glad you joined us!

Thank you so much for the advice! Yep, that is me to a T. I stopped dating my boyfriend recently because of this, and now I feel even lonelier. I am trying to do things like exercise and read, but all I think about is how bad I want a boyfriend, and feel like my life would be complete if he was always there for me and told me he was thinking of me and how much he loves me. I know this is not normal, but I can't help the way I feel. All I want is a boyfriend. I also keep thinking what could have been if I wasn't so emotional attached, and normal if we would have been really happy.

Post edited by: KNS22, at: 06/15/2011 11:49 AM

Post edited by: KNS22, at: 06/15/2011 11:50 AM

I was like that for a long time. I wouldnt say it's not normal, I would say it's not healthy for your emotional well-being. When counting on other's for our own happiness it's like an unpredictable roller coaster of emotions, and it makes things a lot harder to deal with. It took a long time of staying celibate and out of relationships for me to be okay with being alone. It was hard at first and I still have moments where I feel lonely, but I am so much happier now.

Make a list of things you like to do or would like to try and go out and do them. Learn more about yourself and what makes you happy. For me music, spending time with my sister and nephews, and zumba were the main things. Going to zumba twice a week gave me something to look forward to that was not only healthy, but fun for me.

That is what I am trying to do. I actually just bought Zumba for the Wii and I love doing it. I have to realize that I am not ready for a relationship AT ALL. The only relationship I should be concentrating on is my own; with myself. Thank you so much for your reply<3

You're welcome. I know what you're going through, but for me it was sex more than relationships. My therapist pointed out that sex was still being with someone to cover up feeling lonely even if I wasn't technically in a relationship. Thats why I was celibate for a while, then had 2 relationships that only lasted a few months each, and I have been celibate since; that was a little over 8 months ago.

It has also helped me be more smart when choosing the men I do want to spend time with; ones that will treat me well, are stable, and want more than just sex. It's rough but possible, and you can pm me anytime if there's ever anything you dont feel comfortable posting in the public forum. I try to post everything here though; I get more feedback and also may help someone else going through the same things.

Post edited by: KNS22, at: 06/16/2011 03:59 PM

It's great that you have made those changes in your life

Great is an understatement!!! <3