Borderline Personality Support Group

I don't know if I'm overreacting to something, or if it's how I perceive it. My boyfriend called to wake me up at 8, he talked w/ me for a min, but was doing something in the background and I can tell when he's distracted, I was half asleep asking him stuff, and he was on playstation network talking to some guy, they were playing a game... he was repeating what i said to see if he heard correctly, but everything was off. So I raised my voice, and he was like "can I get off the phone now" making it clear he'd rather be talking to this guy. when he first called, He said he had this really big adrenaline rush. then i was upset, saying how rude it was that he'd rather be talking to some stranger than me. He got mean and started yelling. saying "this is why I can't even be near you, this is why I can't even talk to u" which only made me more upset. and so I started crying and he ended the conversation. I got up, went on facebook, he was on, so i started to IM him, and he was ignoring me, so I called him... then he was yelling at me again....

OUR FB CHAT"

ME:

Ty for making me cry, you said "this is the reason why I can't even be in the same room as in, this is why i can't talk to you, I might as well not be with you...." THAT hurts.... if you really don't love me, or even like me, then why pretend to??

i don't deserve that, i don't deserve to be yelled at, or made cry first thing in the morning...i wasn't yelling at you, i told u i raised my voice so u could hear me, why are you so mean to me?

baby, why??

you're making me feel like everything else you told me was a lie... is that true? do you love me or not?

can u please respons, or i will call again

HIM:

let me go

ME:

in what way?

HIM:

to sleep

night night

ME:

do u even love me?

HIM:

not if you act like you did

ME:

by telling u that something hurts my feelings, that takes away your love for me?

i can't even go on with the rest of my day

baby please, i need to know

???

y won't u talk to me?

PLEASE

HIM:

8:30am

i wanna go to bed

ME:

why r u yelling at me?

if u were here, u would give me a hug or something, what happened?

END OF CHAT

Am I over the line? I don't even know what to think right now, I'm so confused

Video games over his girlfriend? REALLY!!!

No, you are not over the line. THis guy needs to man up and show you some attention and be decent to you. This reminds me of a convo I had with an ex gf of mine a few years ago. Several times I would try to talk to her about something serious, and she would basically act distracted like your bf. And I would always ask, "what are you doing thats so important, right now?". And she would be like, "watching Nip Tuck". Im serious here. Screw that.

He's using conditions for his love and wanting to be in a relationship (e.g., "not if you are going to act like that I don't" etc). That's not an okay way to be in a relationship.

that made me laugh out loud...(Nip Tuck) had to put that cuz sometimes lol is overused. but yea i agree, it's not always like that though, I do understand it's his release, outlet, relaxing thing for him. And he just spent a week and a half at my house (we live in diff. states) and he didn't bring his ps3, plus the network has been down for weeks cuz of some hacker??..lol

But yea, he has ADHD, and is always like that, but it just struck a nerve this morning, I had asked him b4 I went to sleep (a couple hours earlier) if he could stay on the phone and wait til I'm up & out of bed cuz he knows I'm like a zombie...I can't wake up for s***, and I had only gotten 1 hour of sleep.... probably why I was really hurt and was crying, and little sleep has bad effects for the mood regulation. I had to wake up to go to a DBT class, and boy am I glad I went. Really helped me break it down a little. I'm not saying what he did was right, and it definitely hurt my feelings. It was just his attitude and the way he said it that really pissed me off.

Long distance relationships are the hardest thing ever... It's like we go from being together all day everyday, to not at all.. and the huge contrast is really hard to deal with. I called my only girlfriend and she helped a little, girl talk is always good when I can get it... and a guy perspective is great! thanks

I also have ADHD, but I don't disregard others feelings like that. If I'm doing something else I let that person know that I am in the middle of something and will get back with them when I can give them my full attention. If I'm in a bad mood I tell them I'm not in a mood to be social. It's all about how you express your thoughts and feelings to others.

I'm glad the DBT class helped some. I'm also sure a long-distance relationship would be a hard dynamic to deal with, which makes it more important that you be on the same page as far as communication.

Long distance relationship only works if its temporary, and in the near future, the 2 of you are going to be together.

Post edited by: tvz309, at: 05/18/2011 09:38 AM

Not always Tvz; you can't determine how long a relationship will last. Each one is different. I've seen people be long-distance for years. It's not easy, but it's possible.

It's been over a year and a half, we want to live together, but there's soo many obstacles in the way..

Angellove, its time to give up. If you are already beating yourself up like this, compounding things with the LONG DISTANCE factor is a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. Long distance cannot work. I know others here diasgree, but I AM keeping it real. Ive tried long distance before. Failed each time for different reasons, but the root issue each time was DISTANCE. You dont want some video game junkie either.

While I value your opinion tvz, I must say that was quite harsh. Very judgemental on someone you don't know, calling him a video game junkie.... Sounds like you've had your fair share of bad relationships and sounds like you've given up hope. We all go through bad relationships, but I'm not giving up hope.