Borderline Personality Support Group

I'm still trying to learn about this disorder, and I've been exploring an issue that is particularly bad for me.. and that is "chronic feelings of emptiness"...

Despite feeling empty the vast majority of the time, there are a few things that "fill me up" and make that feeling go away.. the first is sugar. I am highly addicted to the substance, and I try to stay on Atkins the majority of the time.. but, right now, I am in a downward spiral... basically to help satiate that constant feeling of emptiness.. It has gotten so bad on occassions that I can eat an entire cake in one sitting.. and I can honestly say that it will make the emptiness go away for 24-36 hours.. and it feels wonderful... however, for my health I cannot do that. So, I find myself having to choose between emptiness and my health.. and it is a very difficult decision, as that emptiness is HORRIBLE...

The other thing that fills me up is "obsessive, love/passion".. if I have a person to fixate on, and can have passionate sexual encounters with (especially if it is masochistic on my part as I feel I deserve punishment, and find great pleasure in it) I can feel incredibly fulfilled, as long as I am living that obsession. If that obsession goes away... I am shattered and I become incredibly empty, and that's when I slip into suicidal thoughts...

Since I've been in therapy, I've been struggling to stay away from those 2 things, to try to gain my health back...

So, I'm wondering.... for those in therapy, CBT, DBT, or drug treatment.. does that feeling of INTENSE emptiness ever go away? and, if not.. what "fills you up"?

I've definitely learned to love myself and do things for myself more and that has helped. What helps with my eating is that I keep things that are sweet like fruit cups(I love mandarin oranges), dessert flavored yogurt, fruit nutrigrain bars, etc in the house more than actual large items. I may eat them a lot, but it still doesn't add up to anywhere near the calories the other stuff does. As far as the atkins diet, it does work to a point but also keeps some nutrients you need from entering your body. I would say to learn about "good" fat and "bad" fat would also be good.

I also used to HATE exercising until I found zumba. I love to dance, so it felt more like fun than exercise to me and the weight just fell off then stayed off. The trick is to find a form of exercise that doesn't feel like work.

As far as the other part, you just have to find what works for you to distract you. Healthy coping skills to keep you on the right track when things get hard, and the will to push through and not give in. It's not something that can be learned over night and don't feel guilty if you give in at the beginning or even further down the road. Just do the best you can and remember that even if you slip up, the next day is already one day on the right track.

Food in general can fill me up to. Shopping used to fill me up but for the past couple years things such as meditating, exercsing, journaling, and having postive quotes or meaningful pictures around fills me up. I know the sense of emptiness all so well. I think the times that I feel empty are becoming less and less as a age and practice DBT. Thanks for bringing this up as I am sure it will help a lot of people.

Going to the gym was my #1 thing that filled me up. Now Ive lost my gym membership, because I had to cut non essential items from my budge due to a severe pay cut at work. Not only that, even if I had my gym membership, I have a nagging injury that precludes me from doing the calibur of workout that makes me happy and content. Food and sugar used to make me feel good too, but I knew those were artificial highs, so I cut out sugar and now only eat small simple meals to stay alive and healthy.

being with my BF and Daughter-having fun goofing and laughing together

wow.. I think I really need to work on this.. most of the "fun things" in my life.. don't fill me up. Like, the thing I love most is spending time with my dogs.. they are soo loving, and cute..and they do the funniest things.. and yet, all the while I am laughing at them and enjoying myself.. I still have the complete feeling of emptiness.. I wonder if that feeling is just something I need to get used to? Faraday, does DBT make it go away? I understand the mindfulness thing... but, even when I am mindful.. I still feel completely empty.

I was never really aware of this before.. but now that I am on mood stabalizers (because of BPII) I kept telling my tdoc and pdoc that I didn't feel anything anymore.. but, I guess I do feel stuff... but, it never gets to my insides... even when I laugh, or cry on the outside.. I still feel that empty void on the inside... I guess, before, that void was being filled up by depression, or anxiety...

Peaches- Zumba is awesome. It's great cardio excersize but it's so much fun!

I fell in love with zumba and am hoping that my back surgery works so I can get back to it and being able to play with my nephews more.

Hi Willow,

First off would like to say good question and discussion topic

I see a therapist on a bi-monthly basis, and that helps..

As far as what "fills me up?" Personally, I have alot of abandonment issues-- imagined all imagined, but I find (and if I am out of line im sorry)

The core activity or main activity boils down to two things for me

# 1- Keeping myself occupied on other things instead of the person I am clinging too - worrying about when they will talk to me again, etc.

# 2 - I continually try to spend time with my heavenly father (God) through reading the word and praying....

I guess I can't imagine dealing with this and NOT having my faith to lean on..... I stand on the promise he will never leave or forsake us!