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04/25/2011 10:14 AM

I hate Borderline more OR I hate the meds more

soulsurvivor
soulsurvivor  
Posts: 170
Member

Ihate borderline or I hate the meds more I hate borderline more or I hate the meds more.........THAT IS HOW I FEEL! Bad enough gotta deal with the illness we gotta deal with different Dr.s and what meds they think work best.....NEVER MIND WHAT 'WE'think works for us.

I AM SOOO FRUSTRATED (gee. can ya tell? ha)

You all know I'm a dual-diagnosis BECAUSE the strong hard street drugs kick borderline & it's symptoms to the curb(please do not try this @ home(lol) you might find yourself in jail....Whistling but I tell it & I tell it like it is >>>FOR ME<<<,,,,A strong narcotic like vicodin works the best if I stay within the lines of society....that is why i was trying to get on methodone(i've tried it),,,works well,but I'm having trouble getting into program....so I'm just gunna stick with my relativly new combo of Depakote &clonazepam.

Ermm but it is SOOOOO difficult all this med stuff that why the title of this thread, which do I hate more.

IF i didn't have illness would not have to take meds, but I have TRYED to get along without any meds....NOT a good idea

I just feel like having this caused me to be an addict and here I am closing in on 50 & about all I got to show for it is numerous trips to jail,all the free programs SSI(wanna feel like a total failure get on the SSI plan)

At least I got my 2 daughters/ & that's saying alot, I already had em when I started getting the dx's & 1 of the 1st questions I asked myself was. Should I have had kids?

Not feeling sorry for myself I ALWAYS think could be alot worse coulda got like leukemia or something, but it still SUCKS

@ least here I can bitch & moan,moan & bitch,,,,My fam straight up doesn't want to here it.

So thanks for listening group.....THIS MED/which is best IS driving me nuts, see I just found out cloazepam doesn't work well after the first week or 2.....THAT is why i was taking more than prescribed because they began to be less & less effective...

OH well gunna just stay w/ current med combo. It's as good as it gets

Sincerly,

Deb

*hope you all had a pleasent Easter*

Post edited by: soulsurvivor, at: 04/25/2011 10:22 AM

I keep trying to post pics of fam/ too big I think,I'll have to work on down sizingSmile

Post edited by: soulsurvivor, at: 04/25/2011 10:24 AM

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04/25/2011 02:50 PM
Angela2
Angela2  
Posts: 2513
VIP Member

Deb, ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

I'm sorry you're so upset over the bpd and the meds. I have always hated taking meds because of side effects. Maybe it was just online, but when you were eating healthy things and doing regular exercise, you seemed to be doing well. I know the end result wasn't good and you ended up drinking, but things went well for so long. It almost seemed like it was the slip that got you on a rollercoaster.

I'm sure you know that I'm not suggesting that you stop taking meds, but maybe some day you'll be able to.

Remember that besides your two daughters, you also have a very wonderful b/f in your life. There are people in this world who never have those things so IMHO you're doing quite well.

You know my shoulder is always here if you need one to cry on.


04/25/2011 03:42 PM
soulsurvivor
soulsurvivor  
Posts: 170
Member

Thank you Angela & of course you are %100 correct,

SEE problem is when I'm binging I think I'm acting &thinking straight

HOW TOTALY ABSURD

I guess I got nervous when new relationship started but

GUESS WHAT? He's still here!!!

And I did do my fruit smoothie go to the gym thing today

been back @ it 'bout a month/half hearted, today I got it right.

CUZ my bf gets ticked! He's been 14yrs clean/sober

AND I HAD TO STOP & say do you want to loose him and be back to the lonely life of an addict?

CUZ if you've never been there you don't know HOW horrible it feels,,,,, When you EVENTUALLY alianate EVERYONE.....

That is where I was at about 4 years ago now,

surrounded by people & lonly as HELL

>>>>>My girls have gotten past not so sure they'd be so forgiving 2nd time around

AND I probably will loose bf

Not to mention what I'm doing to mysef

One morning last week I woke after binging on all this script

stuff;mine & others but OMG!!! I LOOOKED like HELL felt TOTALLY bummed.

>>>>>YOUR ALWAYS THERE FOR ME ANGE'...."THANK YOU"

and to the newbies I'm the resident(probably will never leave) addict/bpd(dual)

I'll probably never leave couing up on 2 years been in this group & I'm staying together for the most part. NOW THAT's A FIRST!!!! LOL

Deb


04/25/2011 04:28 PM
samiam17
samiam17  
Posts: 332
Member

Sorry you are having a tough time soulsurviver. I know the med thing sucks. I am still waiting to decide if the lamictal is doing any good. I find that frustrting, take med, wait for it to be effective, then kind of got to wait to see whether its better because of meds or just in an up phase of life. Many times i thought i had right med then shit happens and i go in a total down. Wish we had a thermometer in our brains, or a chemical test to see what is off, then just give us fix, kind of like a diabetic. Yes, other than the restriction of food i would trade this illness and others that go with it for being a diabetic. At least docs understand that. Sorry for running on. Taking my drug and it makes me talk a lot. Luckily i have not had side effects from lamictal. Just a bit more of my tremour, no biggy.

04/25/2011 05:30 PM
Angela2
Angela2  
Posts: 2513
VIP Member

Deb, you're right that you won't leave because I'd come and find you and drag you back! (Ha)

04/25/2011 11:05 PM
JAYEPAWS
JAYEPAWS  
Posts: 852
Member

Hey Debbie I'm sorry you're having a hard time with meds. & that you binge last week. it must be hard to deal with that part of it. I know you can over come your addiction. please Keep Strong. we are here for you like Angie said she would come & get you so would I if I knew directions. Lol

we Love you you know that be safe okay JayeWink


04/26/2011 02:44 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

Debbie,

I was wondering about you. I didn't know that your one medication does not work the same after a week. I was taking something similar and I had to take more than prescribed after a couple of weeks to.

Angela is right that you have a caring boyfriend by your side to keep you in check. I bet you are really thankful for him.

I know you can continue to not abuse drugs. We are all rooting for ya!

Take care!


04/26/2011 07:11 AM
soulsurvivor
soulsurvivor  
Posts: 170
Member

Thank you everyone,

IT JUST OCCURED TO ME,

even though I don't want to attend AA anymore bc they shut down our club(long story) that I can't take all the really good & helpful thngs I learned there and go on & be strong

I don;t have to return to my old ways,

I'll never be the SAME messed up person I was going in,One of the things I learned

"Live life on life's terms

I'm gunna try that one for awhile

& my meds DO work good enough.

I have "tools' never had before....this group....the things I learned in AA

Gunna try & stop all that nonsence

Be strong!

Smile

Thank you all for kind words of support.

Debbie

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