Borderline Personality Support Group

I have these experiences that make me turn to alcohol, pills, anything, even cutting. I just feel so anxious at times that i can't live with it one more second. I take a pill but cant wait for it to take effect quick enough, so i drink a bit,anything to make it go away. If you have never felt this way its hard to describe, it is an absolutely horrible feeling. I have had it before and it happened again last night. I dont even want to leave the bedroom to get something that might work , like my computer cause i dont want to risk meeting my landlord. It sort of just comes on. My solution was to smoke enough so i could zone out to music and wait for sleep to come which it did til 3am. That is the trouble for me with roommates, i dont want to leave the bedroom in case they see me. Ones that don't understand and cant help of course. Arrrrgh!,

I get a wave of overwhelming emotions at night. This happens about 3-4 nights a week. I usually try to distract myself from the emotion. Or just notice and observe the emotion and go from there. DBT distress tolerance skills can help you out when you are feeling like this. Check out the panic crisis list as you might find some helpful information there.

Thanks, i have tried some of them ,if i can get the strength to do them. Like i said i have trouble even leaving the bed and if something isnt incredibly simple i cant seem to do it, even turning on the computer takes too much time. I do hope to get into dbt at some point for sure. its like i will explode if i cant change the feeling immediately. I did try journaling then gave up but didnt do anything dangerous at least

my biggest wish at times like that is that i had someone to talk to or even better just someone to hold me, but wishes aren't making it happen...my foray into that didnt work so well.

Deep breathing, listening to some soft, relaxaing music, or drawing all come to mind. It might feel like you will explode, but you won't. Have you tried some affirmations such as "I can do this" or "This will pass."

That feeling really hurts but you made it through- congratulations!

thanks, tried deep breathing last night and somehow made it through, did take another drink but oh well. Ya, given another lecture by psych about not drinking. Either said than done when you just want to make it all go away. Was referred to outpatient day program hopefully if a few weeks. I will try the affirmations next time which right now after more bad news feels like now, but its day and warm outside so i can probably pass time reading outside til therapy appt this aft

O Samien,,,, I HEAR YOU! LOUD AND CLEAR,

I think my take anything i can get my hands on for S O M E RELIEF!!!!!!

Is more than likely made worse by the fact that when mental illness hit,as it traditionally does;mid-late teens I WENT DOWN THAT ROAD AND STAYED THERE.

i'm in my late 40's now, NEVER dealt w/ ANY of THE WHY's

Honestly I really have no desire to

WTH,,,,,,some got a magic wand i don't know about/wave it vwalla Debbie normal

I don't think so........

YOU ARE REALLY THE FIRST PERSON I EVER MET HERE OR >ANYWHERE< that described "IT"

That panic/just consume mind altering substances,,,make it go away!!!!

PLEASE DON'T TAKE ADVICE FROM ME IN THIS AREA,i'm all lined up to purchase 7 morphine tabs tomorrow>>>i just chip>>>no one will change my mind>>>CALGON TAKE ME AWAY(maybe they don't have that commercial in Canada)

I do have some helpful suggestions althoughit seems pretty clear me& drugs will never part ways

But I work out,(small fee $35 per mo. gym)

I eat HEALTHY..alot fruit(I make smoothies/blender..any fruit,little ice,little liq.i.e.fruit juice milk

These things help/they(professional psych ppl say so)

If ya wanna guy/ do on line dating

JUST MEET FOR COFFEE FIRST!

I met 15 frogs till I got a prince/ Michael is so kind to me

You might wanna try that

Deb

Hey Deb, thanks for getting it. Yes we have the calgon commercial. Im envious that u can get morphine, not sure what chip is? I just want anything, something..i feel same about drugs, tried once to stop, in aa for two years, still mood swings, never plan on giving up the weed, we have a strong bond lol.

I used to eat healthy, up to two weeks ago when i left health bulk store i worked in, now i just dont care and dont eat much. Tried cooking last week and burned the shit out of it cause i forgot it..good one. I do make smoothies but dont put the healthy flax and stuff i used to, was going to back to old bulk store, but too pissed at them cause they said i quit unstead of sick leave.

I do walk my dog daily and love going to lake to listen to waves, stopped for awhile cause i was so pissed i was getting kicked out but go back now. Guess i can always drive there.

I have met for coffeee first but because i talk dirty to them on line they expect to come right back. I protect myself by drink/drugs so i dont need to online. To be fair i also bought kobe e reader so i can read tons without pain of returning books.

How do i find the prince?? I am such a mess nobody would want me, nor should i do that. Thought about working out at y but cant face their intense financial scrutiny right now, all the energy i have goes into staying alive and going to absolutely necessary appts. Been there???

Been there.

Sounds good got some options eat healthy, excercise,>maybe you'll feel more up it it come summer.

ANYWAY,,,yeah one of my AA buddies sells his morphine script...LMAO

chip is a term used heroin addicts, means just a little at a time,,,,that is what I do synthetic morphine IS basically heroin,it even tastes like it in your mouth.....MY GOD, you can cut them in half I WOULD NEVER, just small "chip'

& YES I am fortunate....i feel....bc I get some Gdamn relief

MAYBE the pdocs etc. just don't know what we go thru.

IT FEELS like for me, my stomach is always churning(I guess bc of emotions outa wack) AND the front part of my head just plain feels fuzzy.

Y E S we know suicide rate w/ this illness high.

i would never, BUT I SURE HAVE NO PROBLEM seeing why it's %80.

LETS try think happy thoughts!

I spend alot of time in my bed, listening to the world, birdies,just white noise.

I really have very little use for T.V.

Radio good if I'm in right frame I LOVE<LOVE<LOVE hip-hop- LADY GAGA (yes wierd), but she has a message "I was born this way"< IS VERY POWERFUL<MOVE MOUNTAINS POWERFUL KINDA MESSAGE AND I LOVE HER FOR DARING TO TAKE ON THE WORLD FOR THE MISFITS(like me)

Have a nice(as possible day)

Deb

& ps yes I have attempted ,the %80 but my daughters would be devestated

fix typos

Post edited by: soulsurvivor, at: 04/11/2011 09:54 AM

My apologies if my subject matter was inappropriate to anyone,

I'm not 'proud',I'm just "ill"

I'm sorry but the big bad morphine a.ka. synthetic heroin makes it all go away for awhile

We're not all the same here that have borderliner

THIS IS JUST MEIT WORKS IT HELPS

I have known this fact quite awhile now

BUT knowing it to me is SCARY

I have always tryed to stay clear_ _ NOT go looking for it

This little friend selling em just happened

BUT I STILL GOTTA ADMIT FOR ME ANYWAY? R E L I E F

I WILL stay off this subject in the future

BUT HONESTLY GUYS?THIS IS A SECRET THAT NEEDED TO BE TOLD?for me to ever get better

Thanks group for letting me BE ME>>>>>>>& i heard NO JUDGEMENT

mmmmmmnaw

Sincerly,

your bipolar,borderline,druggie,alchee,generalyzed anxiety/ group partner

Deb