Borderline Personality Support Group

They don't understand, and they just want me to "accept that illnesses are all in one's head". It's so frustrating.

They're good friends otherwise, and they're good people (not toxic).

It doesn't matter what I say or do. They only think I'm being stubborn and simply "refuse to accept anything that hasn't been scientifically proven" and only take the advice of "people who have a piece of paper saying they know what they're talking about" (referring to a doctorate).

Does anyone else have friends like this?

How do you deal with your only confidants/friends thinking that psychology (and the entire health industry) is a load of shit?

A lot of my friends do not know my diagnosis but they do know that I get depressed. When I get really depressed, sometimes they give me a lecture about " snapping out of it" and just " geting myself out of it." My family thinks the same thing. Because of this, I usually isolate myself when I get really depressed which is not healthy at all.

I think a lot of us probably isolate because it seems like people who don't go through it can't understand it, unless they have that piece of paper showing they know what they're talking about! I don't talk to many people about my medical issues. Only if I know or have a feeling they share the same or similar disorder as me. Pretty much for the above reason. I don't like educating during the process of venting about my disorder. It's just easier to avoid it.

And it's questions like these that I realize I don't really have any friends. Haha, ugh. I know people, and I hang out and/or chat with them on occasion. But I just sort of stop talking to people who offend me. I guess this is where I still haven't overcome my splitting. I'm so hardcore about supporting and protecting my friends, but if they do something that I feel like disregards my feelings, I'll just drop that friendship without a second thought. Sort takes the value out of friendships when you think about it.

Whatever, I'm rambling. Tend to do that, sorry. Welcome to MJD and the group, OnTheWall!

Elle

I don't really tell anyone either. I've only ever tried to talk to two RL friends about it, and one of those is my roommate, who knew because I vanished to the psych ward for an extended period of time.

No one even knows you're down at all? There's no way my roommate and closest friend wouldn't realize I have some sort of mental health issue.

My ex knew I had it. I told him when I was diagnosed, but I don't think he ever looked into it, and I never got into the details with him. We'd been together for so many years, I was with him early on when it probably started to present. So that's just how I'd always been with him.

Otherwise, I'm so distant with people on a regular basis, that they don't think anything of it when I avoid making plans. I can usually use my kids as an excuse too. I can't even begin to recall how many fake doctor appointments my kids have had that prevented me from being social.

And I do go out sometimes. I enjoy being social. There's just something about me that doesn't want to be. It's like... I force myself sometimes. Like I have a lunch date with a friend tomorrow (someone I became friends with in one of my classes last semester and we've got a class together this coming semester), and I'll probably have a great time. But I usually avoid this.

Like, I was supposed to have a lunch date with another friend this week, but I just haven't called her. We'd have a great time and she totally can relate to me and my problems and I feel better when talking to her, but for whatever reason, I'm avoiding it. It's silly. Maybe it's the whole keeping people at a distance so they can't hurt me thing. I don't know.

Elle

My social life comes in waves. There are times that I am a social butterfly and other times I make up excuses to get out of social situations. I keep a lot of people at a distance as well because I find it hard for people to understand me.

One thing I've learned... if you find experts with whatever piece of paper whoever is criticizing you feels necessary, even if the experts agree with you, your critics can still say that there are a lot of experts with a lot of different opinons out there are this is just one. It can be a never-ending, infuriating, pointless cycle trying to prove anything to people that just don't have the capacity to understand it. Even now, when things are fine for awhile, someone will look at me and say what is WRONG with you? Why arent you happy? What happened? And then not understand all over again. But you were fine! Of course, this just makes me want to isolate too.

I understand this completely. Many people do not understand the battles I face. Me, being in high school, has had a large group of people just completely treat me like I am nothing and make the excuse that it's because I am never happy. What I did is mostly just let it go and acted happy around them or ignored it. It's a struggle.

Oh, April, get out of my head! Haha.

I went to lunch with my new friend from school today and it was fantastic! Spent three hours talking about everything. Really fun. My back is killing me now from the uncomfortable wooden chair I was seated in (and he has a fractured collar bone and hurt back from a motorcycle accident a few weeks ago, so he's probably in a lot of pain too!), but it was a lot of fun. Plan to do it again next week.

Ah, if only I could get myself to do this more often.

Elle

Onthewall, welcome to MDJ!

Your friends must be some of my relatives. (Haha) Seriously though, I have relatives who have/had been diagnosed as having mental illnesses and the others would encourage them to, "Just snap out of it". I cringe at how upsetting those comments must've been since it was like saying, "You're just weak so pull yourself together and act "right". On top of struggling through life, they were then made to feel weak and too incompetent to heal themselves. It makes me hurt for them when I think about it.

A few years ago, I suffered a tremendous loss, went on anti-depressants and anxiety meds, and those same people said the same things to me as they'd said decades ago to my other family members. The thing that seemed oddest to me is that the ones who couldn't accept a mental, personality, or anxiety disorder seem to have more issues then the ones who were struggling with life and disorders. I learned that I couldn't discuss any of those things with them because they had a sort of "mental block", a disbelief in any ailment that wasn't physical. Arguing with them or trying to help them learn the things I've learned in researching just lead to a more defensive attitude. It just ended up not being worth my time and energy to try to help them understand.