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11/08/2010 01:26 AM

Little Miss Anger

mog
Posts: 9
New Member

Hello, i'm new here. i have bpd and have had a nasty week, and, well, actually last 12 months. It is basically coming to a head. Amongst a new 4 month relationship which i have done almost everything possible to ruin. I promise myself every time that i will not do or say anything mean or angry to him again and yet at the time i seem to be overtaken of my own free will. it's like i am standing next to the screaming me telling her that everything is ok and i see him pleading with me that i'm ok and everything is ok and trying to hug me yet i see this ugly me continue to scream and say worse things. this time, i do not even remember what i was yelling as i left. i am so disappointed in myself, so frustrated that i can't get this right. there is no dialectical behavioural therapy in our area. the closest is 2 hour drive away. i have done the cbt and don't think it works very well, as, in the moment, i just cannot calm myself down. at times afterward i think of the matter as trivial, yet at the time, my whole world comes crashing down. it overwhelms me. i am scared and afraid and it eats at me like a cancer until i burst forth, even if i intend at the time to explain something to him rationally and kindly. i feel very alone and unsupported. i am lost. i have ptsd and was supposed to return to work after a big accident there and i failed so now work are looking to pay me out. everything has fallen apart. i do not have anything to do with my parents or my brothers. no friends come over anymore. i have taken to shutting myself in my house and being by myself because it is easier. Meeting my bf was a spark to my world. He is trying so desperately to understand the bpd, which not a lot of people would even bother to - i guess you all know about that. I have been very unfair on him. I am so unwell. I am not sure who to go to or what to do from here. My bf is away working this week, and i am terrified to think it is over for good this time. how many times do i expect him to forgive me? i have pushed him past his limit

a very sad mog

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11/08/2010 02:06 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

Mog I am sorry you are having such a rough time as of late. I would encourge your bf to find a support group for SO of bpd. We have an online group here for those that love and support bpd people. He needs a strong support group of friends that will support him. As far as DBT being so far away, you can still learn DBT skills. I post weekly DBT lessons here. Also, there are workbooks you can buy to help learn DBT skills. My favorite is the Dialetical Skills Workbook. Once you learn some coping skills, your relationship can improve. I know it feels like he might be gone forever but try not to focus on that. FOcus on what you can do to be a better partner. Let him know that you are interested in getting help. Many hugs and blessings to you dear. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

11/08/2010 02:12 AM
mog
Posts: 9
New Member

thank you so much for your reply. where can i find the workbook from? i'm quite new to this online thing. i live in australia.

11/08/2010 02:37 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

Here is a link to the workbook on amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills- Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books& qid=1289212558&sr=8-1-spell

Here is the link to the DBT online Classes: http://health.dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/dbtclass/?v=1& t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=6

With the online classes you will get an email each week with a lesson and homework. You will also get an email from all of the people that respond to the homework.

I hope these help!


11/08/2010 03:03 AM
Angela2
Angela2  
Posts: 2513
VIP Member

Mog, you sound so distresssed, but the good thing is you are aware of everything and you're reaching out for help.

In one part you said that you are alone and you aren't. It'd be nicer if this could all be in person, but just know that you have friends here and friends who understand what you're going through. I know you're concerned that a med may be causing more harm then good. It's something you may want to pursue with your Dr.

Again, this may not be the same as doing it person to person, but the DBT therapy that April posts weekly seems to help me. It's not a cure-all, but you may want to participate in the thread or just take it part by part and work on it privately.

I wish there was more I could say that would help. Just know you aren't alone. ((((HUGS)))


12/10/2010 02:19 AM
mog
Posts: 9
New Member

thank you so much, you have been so helpful. i am so grateful for this site
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