Borderline Personality Support Group

I have lost virtually everyone around me. No one wants to hear my problems or deal with my erratic emotions and behavior anymore. They don't trust me anymore and i don't blame them. I don't trust me either. The feelings of abandonment are horrible. I can't handle being alone. There is a scream stuck in the back of my throat and one in the pit of my stomach that wants to come out but i am unable to even let them out. I want to be dead, but i'm scared of dying.

Where do i turn now? what do i do? i am lost.

There is so much more to say but this is all i can manage right now.

Cristina

Hi Cristina,

I'm pretty much in the same situation - for years now. Been going over the reasons and the what to do now that it's happened - over and over. I'm pretty sure that nothing happens without it being a lesson and blessing in disguise - however crazy that may sound - but ultimately it is. We're kind of brought to the lowest place imaginable to realize we can only survive now on faith - there's nothing else to hold on to.

People are fickle, circumstances change in a flash and in an instant reality changes too. At this low point we have to get stronger from within - not without.

This is the universe's way of letting us know that it expects us to move beyond where we were in our emotional growth stuck at 3. To go beyond whatever once worked for us as coping mechanisms - into something called maturity. This is probably one of the toughest lessons anyone can learn. It's extremely painful - I know.

But if you learn to have faith - in the Bigger Picture - in a higher power, in something greater than you - you WILL gain new perspective and new insights - and be able to formulate healthier relationships. Healthier relationships will be the natural outcome because you will be healthier.

In this process, with baby steps, you step out of the confines of what you once knew - into the unknown - scary but this means - growth. You just need to stick with it - and not get sidetracked, or pulled into people's dramas. If you can focus and have a bit of stubbornness, you will get to the other side where there's some breathing room and much better days ahead. This sometimes referred to as Dark Night of the Soul.

I use my intuition coupled with ancient texts to navigate. Sometimes I move, sometimes I get stuck, sometimes I am granted temporary reprieve. Faith is the only key out that I am aware of and that actually has in fact worked unfailingly.

Stay strong,

OFC

OFC thanks again for sharing your wisdom. I always enjoy reading what you post.

I think the practical and easiest thing to do is to rebuild the relationships you feel you have lost. Find out why nobody wants to hear about your problems anymore. Find a way to prove you are trustworthy if these are people you want in your life. I am sorry you feel like everyone has left you. I know how the feelings of abandonment can feel and it just can tear us apart. (((hugs)))

Cristina, I'm sorry you're feeling so abandoned and so down. You're right when you say that is an awful feeling. Order and April pretty much covered anything that I was thinking and also much more. Hopefully you can reconnect with some of your friends.

Cristina *HUUGS* The abandonment is the worst. I have lost all of my friends on multiple occasions and it sucks. I'm so sorry that you are going through this now. :/

I have been through many groups of friends, although I now see they were really "toxic" friends and it's more healthy not to have them in my life, I know it's hard. I think the best advice I have received other than "get a pet", is to make a list of things you used to enjoy when you were a child and do them once a week. Go for a bike ride, take a walk and pick flowers, draw a picture, dance around your house singing into your hairbrush lol. If its snowing where you are, build a snowman and come inside to drink hot chocolate with those little marshmallows floating in them, take a sled down a hill with some neighborhood kids, just have fun! Its oddly freeing to just let go and think of nothing else than those carefree things you used to do before life got so complicated.

Peaches, I love your thoughts on that!

Peaches thanks for your reply. It is refreshing to be reminded to do some simmple things in your life that make you feel better. You are right on the money!

Thank you all for your responses (((HUGS)))

OFC, you said, "At this low point we have to get stronger from within - not without...This is the universe's way of letting us know that it expects us to move beyond where we were in our emotional growth stuck at 3. To go beyond whatever once worked for us as coping mechanisms - into something called maturity. This is probably one of the toughest lessons anyone can learn. It's extremely painful - I know". I know you are correct here and i also know i seem to be fighting going within with all the strength i can muster.

April, Angela, I would love to rebuild these relationships even though i dont know how to do it at this point. I'm scared because i dont trust myself in being able to follow-through in what i say. If i go in to try to rebuild a relationship and let them and myself down again...???

ThatOneGirl, thank you for your support and kind words (((HUGS)))

Peaches, your suggestion makes me smile. It will take some thinking on my part to make that list