Borderline Personality Support Group

My friend and I have our birthdays only a few days apart, so they are planning us a surprise party. One of my friends soon told me the surprise plan and honestly, I felt so hurt because I felt no one cared for my birthday I understand it's not about me but I just felt like they don't even remember it. There were plans of an out-of-town for my celebration but I said no, and I am trying to test to see if they are my true friends. If they were my friends even if I said no to an out-of-town they would appreciate my decision. But it seems as if they stuck their minds to that and when I am giving hints that it won't happen, they suddenly became distant.I dunno if I am just paranoid but I feel hurt like someone else's birthday matters or my friend's guy's grandpa died and we are all forced to attend even if he was never close to us.

And then old feelings return and it's driving me crazy. I am so unstable right now.

I always test people I trust cause honestly I am VERY PARANOID and I was touched by some people who are not my real friends but they greeted me even if they are not at all invited and remembered my day for what it is. I dunno like I think my friends are only in for the out-of-town trying to coerce me to host one. They should understand that it triggers me. They only think about themselves. Luckily my one and only true best friend since HS she doesn't demand much.

Well, it sounds like your testing is something you need to work on. Not being judgemental, cuz I used to do it all the time, it still happens every once in a while. But I suggest you do consider going along out of town for the suprise. It could be good for you to get out and spend time w/ friends.

I may be confused, but it sounds like they did remember your birthday? Do you feel hurt because it's a joint birthday party and not a solo party, or because it's not the type of party you want?

*hugs*

Were you saying you wanted another party for your birthday also.Not just an add on to a party they were planning for someone else. I know what you mean about not feeling very special to people. Even when I knock myself out to be there for them. And for the most part I realize that doing things for others needs to be unselfish, without the hope of getting something back. But in my low moods I can really use that support and thats when I look for it and am acutely aware if it isn't there. What day is your birthday? Will you accept a hug from me now? In case I dont' get an answer before it arrives?

It's hard to explain, but I feel hurt cause I felt that no one remembers my birthday among my friends cause the surprise was for both of us, but they told it to me like I felt that it was only for the other friend, so I felt hurt.

I am not open to the out-of-town cause I am so traumatized by the events that happened, and I always get anxiety attacks when we go out of town...I have no plans for my birthday which is this Wednesday. I told my mom I feel so helpless and I don't really wanna celebrate it and I have plans, but they're refuting it, so in the end, I have no plans left. However, some HS buddies are coming so I might just host a small party.

I'm sorry if I tested my friends. Honestly, at times they demand so much from me I feel like they are abusing me so it's my instinct to. My HS friends yeah they never were like that. Sometimes I think to myself, am I with the wrong people? Cause I'm not really like them, boisterous and all, so I feel like I don't belong, and then at times they bunch together, and when it happens, I'm the only one left, and I feel isolated. Honestly, since we went out-of-town, I had doubts that this friendship we have will last any longer. I hate it when Jay comes to them I wanna shoo him away cause it's like he's breaking our group apart again

Hi Franz, I started reading your story last night, but got side-tracked and had to end my computer time and I couldn't wait to get back to see what's going on in your life.

It seems like we're often over-sensitive and want proof that someone really is our friend. That's probably not good in our part, but I understand about being cautious because we need to protect ourselves a bit. I think that "normals" do it to a certain extent, too. There is also the possibility that you are with the wrong group of people, like you said. That's happened to all of us at one time or another in our lives.

What I gathered from your post was that you were hurt because it was supposed to be a surprise party for two and yet, one of your friends told you about it. In a way, it'd make me feel like the "surprise" was actually intended for the other person. There is another possibility. Your friend may feel close to you and was excited about the party and wanted to share it with you. If you can concentrate on the latter, you may feel better about it. Another thing is that your friend may be in tune with you and understand that you don't really like surprises. I don't care for them at all and it makes me uncomfortable. Maybe he felt you were the same way and wanted to give you advance notice.

I know we go overboard at times. I've been doing that a lot the past few months and I'm trying to get it under control. Yet, in your situation, it does seem like something isn't right. If I was throwing a surprise party for someone, I'd center it around something that they like to do and I'd choose a restaurant that they like. Since your friends know that you're uncomfortable with going out of town, I'm not sure why they chose to do that since the party/happiness should really be intended for you and your other birthday friend and not on their own preference.

I just hope that you know that we are your friends here. We're all struggling with this and just trying to get through life without making a mess of things and have a bit of happiness for ourselves. I'd also like to wish you a very happy birthday!!! Angie

Happy Birthday, honey!