Borderline Personality Support Group

I dont no what to do, I get jealous of my partners children when they come to stay. I feel like im being stabbed in the heart everytime its tearing me apart and making me feel so bad. I have tried to explain to my partner how i feel empty and bad all the time and his answer has gone from understanding to telling me if i dont sort it out hes leaveing. Its like ive made all my fears come true, i feel devastated, i was begging him in the street to not go on my hands and knees crying screaming sure that if he left me at that moment i would have killed myself. Im pretty sure his going to go so what im asking is how do i cope? how do i get through the days without falling to pieces i have to small children living with me and im petrified about how i will behave because when that desperation hits me i have no controll.

Any usefull thoughts????

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you feel because I struggle with the same thing with my boyfriend. We are very much in love and we have always planned on getting married, but unfortunately my emotions are driving him away. I don't know what to tell you on how to handle yourself if he leaves. Try taking deep breaths when you get upset and remember how much you love him and how you don't want to hurt him. Try doing relaxing things like taking baths, reading at night, maybe even eating some yummy chocolate. Just try focusing on keeping yourself relaxed and at ease. Also, exercise helps a lot. Keep things in perspective. If he leaves you, you still deserve to live. He does not make you who you are. You are wonderful all on your own I hope this helps.

I was thinking the same thing about treating yourself to enjoyable things. Waiting for someone can be miserable so if you take the misery out of it, it helps. Plus distracts. But it you break the time down say, 2 days then I will get through 4 hours, that's all I am focused on right now, then get that under your belt, then go another 4 hours, finding things to do which keep your attention focused. But if you are hysterical maybe find someone to come over for a while until you can calm down.

Can you try to involve yourself in the visits with the children? You say you have children, too, right? Can you try to make it "family time" and share the time altogether, rather than viewing it as competition for his time?

Also, do you have a therapist or a psychiatrist to talk with that you can help you sort out your feelings on this matter? Do you take meds to help with your mood swings? One of the biggest obstacles in BPD is instability and overreacting to small slights that we perceive to be much larger than what they really are. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to take a step back and calm down and look at things in a different light, and maybe approach them in a different manner.

I'm with countto10. When I'm struggling and can't imagine staying in control for a whole night, I break it down into hours, or sometimes even minutes. Just for this moment, I am going to breathe, and I am not going to do something unhealthy. I've survived 60 seconds. Now I'm going to do it again. Eventually, this long night will pass and I will survive. Distractions like several people have mentioned are great for this.

Your mind will probably travel back to your partner and how upset you are, and that's ok. Just drop back in to whatever you're distracting yourself with.

Just remember, feelings alone can't kill you. They feel awful, but you CAN survive them. *hugs* for you in this difficult time.

XX, I'm sorry you're struggling right now. For some reason, it's hard for us to share the one we love with others even if it's their own children. Maybe we just feel left out and unloved because it reminds us of the life they had before us. I agree that it might be best for you to try to involve yourself in the visits.

I reread Infiniti's sentence about how we seem to turn slights into something huge. I needed to read that today because it looks like the day is going to be a struggle for me relating to that same thing.

Do you think your relationship is salvageable? If so, you may not have to go through losing the one you love if you just change a couple things. I know it's so hard, but I still like the suggestion about involving yourself in those visits.