I'll try to make this brief. When I was 14 my mom remarried. She and my father separated 4 years earlier. We were a happy family of 4 with my 2 siblings. She met a man and 6 weeks later (after us meeting him and his 2 kids maybe 4 times), they eloped. When they returned, in an instant, we were to be a big happy family. My step-dad was immediately controlling. We lost all of who we were before, packed up and moved to his house. He was from the beginning the step parent from hell. He would quite often have a different set of rules for his kids and us. He became abusive all while my mom who was very weak turned away and chose not to protect us. I have since forgiven my mom and tolerated her husband since leaving home at 18. We've tried to maintain a relationship and I've had to spend a lot of time biting my tongue not to tell my mom's husband how I feel about him and what a creep I think he is. This is now over 20 years later. I am now grown, married with 2 children of my own. I guess everything came up again when he decided to be "papa" to my kids. At first I didn't say anything but I've always felt uncomfortable with that. They live in another state so we only were seeing them a few times per year. The last visit I finally just couldn't take it and I told my mom I didn't want him in my life. She was very hurt and now everything is in a bad place. She is still blaming herself for the past but she's acknowledged what happened and shown remorse, so I've forgiven her. It is him. He has never said anything, apologized, etc and to me that means he doesn't think he was wrong. I'm always amazed when I see shows like Dr. Phil talking about "what not to do" with step-parenting (they broke every rule!) He's still controlling and manipulative. My mom doesn't see it. She wants to keep the peace. I don't know what to do. My mom now wants me to write down everything I'm "upset" about but I don't even know where to begin. I was hoping maybe there was a good book I could read, maybe highlight some pages and write down my thoughts. I just don't know if this is futile. He doesn't seem like he's going to change and I doubt highly that any apology at this point would be sincere. But I can't stand the thought of losing my mom over this and for her to lose her granddaughters. I almost wish I never said anything but this is how he always controls everything. No one wants to rock the boat. Well, I just sent a tidal wave over my family and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I did the right thing for my kids and myself and that is something my mom never did for us. This is just completely screwed up and after so long, I'm still so hurt. Thank you for any thoughts or advice. Post edited by: 20yearslater, at: 11/18/2011 04:41 PM |
